Helped with fathers funeral, helped with arranging care for my mother - then SHUNNED again!!

by EssexBoy1 27 Replies latest jw experiences

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  dubstepped

  Ugh, I'm sorry. In April I was un-shunned long enough to say my final goodbye to my dying dad with some of my family around and treated like normal family, only to get shunned after leaving hospice. Of course, when my mom needed legal documents signed for the estate or to ask if they could use my name in the memorial talk that's okay. It is all on their terms. They giveth and they taketh away at their whim. It's all about them. My mom said we'd see each other again. I guess maybe when she's in hospice someday? Screw that. We're human beings, not toys to be played with and put away when done.

  Walk away and live your life. Don't let yourself get played over and over by their dysfunction. JWs are narcissists. They don't have a clue what love is.
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  EssexBoy1

  Thank you everyone for your kind comments and support - it means a lot. Yes she is in a nice and expensive care home so hopefully her eventual passing and her money running out will maybe coincide.

  As for me carrying on visiting her, I can see why many think I should seeing as she is my mother, however she is suffering from dementia and it is obvious to me that my brother has reminded her that she shouldn't be speaking or seeing me unless it is an emergency situation so probably best for me to take the easy way out and let them deal with it.

  Forgot to say that turns out after my Dad's funeral that he had been involved in a couple of things that would normally be disfellowshipping offences but of course no one will tell me if any action was taken if any. So he was viewed as a spiritually strong super hero all his life but turns out things were not necessarily what they seemed.
  
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  LV101

  DO whatever your heart desires at this point -- they don't have jurisdiction over you or the care home even though they think their cult rules. I get it you are doing what's best for your mother and that's admirable and considerate.

  Keep care and have a great life - it's pathetically too short to be concerned with ones involved in a cult. Living well is the best revenge.
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  GrreatTeacher

  There have been a few experiences here about parents with dementia forgetting all about the JWs and having good relationships with their formerly shunned children.

  You just need to wait until the dementia gets worse and then just avoid your brother. You might end up enjoying the lasts few months' or years' of your mum's life once she forgets all about the JWs and her daily life is only as large as the care home.
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  Vidiot

  "We need you! Thank you, now go away!"
  
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  fleshyheadedmutant

  So sorry to hear of the treatment given by the "godly" JWs. No doubt, your brother will need you again in the future, possibly when trouble arises with mom. My mom developed demensia, and it is hard for one person to always go to the home and talk with them about treatment. Of course, if he stated he "didn't want you there,..." then he will have the burden.
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  snugglebunny

  I said to my brother after he told me that I had heard about the JW's getting strict again re contact with disfellowshipped ones and that I had learnt of a 93 year old lady in America who had been a staunch JW for over 50 years but left due to the child molestation issue - now her grand-daughter will not even speak to her! My brother said that he wants to be loyal to Jehovah.

  I've learned a new technique for dealing with that sort of negative stuff. I always respond: "Good For You!"

  ...and if you look at the 3 initials in that phrase, you'll see how expressing that makes you feel much better - without the other person knowing what you really mean.
  
  
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  EssexBoy1

  Haha snugglebunny - it took me a minute but when I got what you were saying I laughed out loud!

  What my daughter (never baptised and definitely OUT) have decided to do is phone Mum next week and say 'is it ok to come and see you on Friday Mum', she will say yes, then if we go and she doesn't mention any JW rubbish then I will continue to regularly go.