What's The Point?

by AllTimeJeff 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • AllTimeJeff

    It's been 12 years since I submitted my resignation letter, and stopped playing by their rules.

    In a spurt of manic rationality, I blew up the bridge, sky high. Knowing that the diseased organ would need to be forever removed, away from anything remotely functional in my mind, body, and soul. Lest I be tempted to return...

    So, I left. And you did too, or are trying to leave. Or have left in mind and soul, but the body has to be there for all kinds of reasons faders must endure.

    I feel motivated to write this because I believe, even if it is on some very small level, that the desire to leave comes back to the most basic of human drives. To find and have true purpose and meaning. To be autonomous, even though anyone who leaves a cult, or wants to, is amazingly ill equipped at first to be autonomous. And that, is truly courageous.

    Watching Leah Remini's interview with those brave people who left our fruity little cult reminded me of the courage it is to expand your elbows in this world, and claim just the space you need to breathe. And boy, does the GB work like hell to trick you into thinking you shouldn't be thinking... You can't take a mental breath when the WTBTS wants to claim every last minute you spend thinking about the next FS interaction, meeting, comment, and of course, all those "nasty" thoughts that only YHWH can see...

    It takes courage to call bull shit. But what then?

    The key is being healthy. The key is thinking healthy.

    I write this because I want to plead with anyone who struggles with distorted images of themselves to get help. Real therapy. It doesn't have to involve medication, though it might. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is great, and can help someone reframe the crap you learned, and how you view yourself, into something that is truly whole, and balanced.

    Remember, especially if you were a born in, you likely have decades of conditioning. It is the last thing from a death sentence, but it does require a commitment to (as Yoda put it) "unlearn what you have learned"... ;)

    If we can get as many exiting, recovering, ex JW's to work on their mental health, then we win. YOU win. Because in the final analysis, the only real power that the Governing Body ever had on you, was the real estate space they counted on taking up between your ears.

    Evict them. Replace it with true mental help.

    As a start, because many exiting JW's can't afford real therapy at first, try books like "Feeling Good" by David Burns. (the dude is a real mental health professional, not a snake oil salesman "life coach") Just try it. Work through it. And know that you will get there.

    What's the point? That you win, and the Governing Body loses. The football field is in your mind. Take it back, and it really doesn't matter about them anymore. YOU WIN YOU BACK. Go get it!

    Much love to all. From someone who has the scars to show for it, and the smile at the end.... :)

  • waton

    the best therapy is work, it works! imho

  • AllTimeJeff

    Good thought Waton. But actually, the best therapy is, therapy. ;)

  • hoser

    I read feeling good many years ago. I can’t really remember much from the book other than I read it.

  • Phizzy

    Thanks for this Post ATJeff, and thanks for all your past contributions here.

    I think you are so right, Therapy is VITAL for many of us. I know that in my own case, which may well be more extreme than many I hope, it was literally a life saver. I was obviously suffering from depression before I left, but the trauma of leaving plunged me in to the depths of suicidal despair.

    A few Posters on here urged me to seek Therapy, which I did. I was doubly fortunate, the NHS here in the U.K referred me to a Therapist, and she proved to be excellent, she had treated a number of XJW's, and was perceptive enough to go to the root of my problems, and to show me how to deal with them.

    I remember not being able to understand that despite the euphoria of Freedom and finding out real Truth, I still felt that I wanted my life to end. My Therapist helped me with that,as well as other issues.

    Do not delay if you need help, do not make excuses to yourself, be honest with yourself that you DO need help, and then seek it, through books or whatever. The slippery slope of depression can claim your life if you delay.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Two thumbs up.πŸ€—πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜Š Well said Jeff. Get the help you need. Still Totally ADD

  • zeb

    ATJ.."I blew up the bridge, sky high."

    To seek counseling is not an admittance of failure in-spite of what the gb will say.

    ..burning the bridge lights the way ahead..

  • Giordano

    This is an interesting article that is a good fit for this subject:

    In my view, it is time for society to recognize the real trauma that religion can cause. Just like clearly naming problems like anorexia, PTSD, or bipolar disorder made it possible to stop self-blame and move ahead with learning methods of recovery, we need to address Religious Trauma Syndrome. The internet is starting to overflow with stories of RTS and cries for help. On forums for former believers (such as exchristian.net), one can see the widespread pain and desperation.


  • blondie

    Fading has it problems and if varies for individual ex-jws regarding how many unannounced visits (phone calls, etc) from elders. We had a few but we just said they had not made an appointment so were unavailable (you'd think they would have gotten the message and tried to make an appointment, too proud) It has been 13 years since a visit; we are not labeled as df'd or da'd but some jws greet us and talk and others walk by like we have the plague (which they did when we were jws).

    I have had therapy and found out that 2 of my therapists came from families who shunned them when they left the family religion or religions totally. We compared notes so to speak. I realized that the problems jws have in leaving the WTS are shared by individuals in other groups like Scientology and Catholicism (sexual abuse survivors by family). It is important to get a wider view of the world and learn there is life to be found after shunning by family and friends.

  • menrov

    The challenge is when one in a couple is leaving the WT. It really generates a virtual break

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