My husband and I told our families we want to disassociate

by erinee 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • erinee

    Well, these stories are always fun, right? Let me share mine.

    My husband and have been PIMO for 2 years. Inactive for one year. I felt like with the inactive life, you still have to look over your shoulder and deal with stress , and DA is truly being free. So we finally came out and told our family how we feel.

    We told my family first. 7 uber, suuuper indoctrinated dubwubs in a room together, against me and my husband. They had excuses and shot down everything we tried to bring up to them. The child abuse scandal? Fuck those kids, who gives a damn. Most of them are probably lying and we're still way better than other religions about it. 607 and 1914 issue? Nope. We haven't done our research. Historians have proved it happened in 607! Who would have guessed? Shunning is cruel? Nope, it's not. Sinners need a time out, like children do. And why would we want to celebrate holidays? We have nobody to celebrate with anyway (we do actually).

    Some crazy shit was said. They said if we broke our vow to Jehovah (that we made when we were children) what's stopping us from breaking our wedding vows to each other? How is our marriage going to last now? One of them asked if I would become a lesbian and my mom asked if we would become SWINGERS. My dad was furious at my husband for not being a spiritual head over me. Augh, it was all so traumatic. Anyway, my mother in law was a lot more calm and reasonable, but ALL our family said they would shun us for the rest of their life, no matter what. Even if we have kids in the future, they would have nothing to do with our kids until their older and they can see them without us. So cold. No temptation to see their daughter give birth to their first grandchild. Most people wouldn't miss that for the world. Not cult members.

    Anyway, the thing that pisses me off the most, is that they want us to just be inactive so they can keep talking to us. So they all actually encouraged us to live a lie, which is supposed to be against their beliefs. Why should we have to live our life in a way that's uncomfortabe for us just so they can keep in contact? They wouldn't do that for anyone! I think we're going to DA. I love them, but I'll never be able to have a meaningful relationship with them now, anyway. And if I ever do have kids, I actually like the idea of my family staying away from them so they can't try to indoctrinate them.

    Sigh. Thanks for listening.



  • LoveUniHateExams

    Interesting story, erinee.

    Sorry, I shouldn't laugh but this ...

    One of them asked if I would become a lesbian and my mom asked if we would become SWINGERS

    ... struck me as funny.

    It kinda tickled my funny-bone. Look out - JW sisters who DA become Lesbians! XD

    BTW, I think you're right about your children. Don't let them be brainwashed by hard core JW family.

    Anyway, whatever you do, I hope it works out for you.

    What do you think about doing a nice, slow fade?

  • carla

    I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

    I agree, by all means protect any children from this insidious cult. Your family should be a package deal and children should be free from the negative and mean comments made by jw's about their parents. Not to mention the spiritual abuse and possible physical/sexual abuses within the jw community.

    Wishing you and your spouse all the best going forward.

  • Finkelstein

    The Watchtower corporation has been a corrupt lying religoius publishing house that uses the name of Jehovah to self vilify itself.

    It has been preaching a tainted commercialized version of the Gospel of Jesus for over 140 years, meaning god opposes false prophets who come in his name.

    Jesus clearly admonished to his faithful followers of setting a time upon god's own sacred time. Now reflect back what the WTS/JWorg. has been doing since the late 1800's ???

    1 John 4:1 ........

    Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    hello Erinee--welcome to the forum.

    : and welcome to the rest of your life.

    hope to read a lot more from you!

  • RubaDub

    erinee ...

    Of course I don't know all of the circumstances, but is there a big advantage in DA'ing instead of just fading? Do you live near them? Are you in the same congregation?

    If your family can accept you being inactive, isn't that something to consider? Show up for the memorial or something and call it a day.

    Maybe just telling them you need some time "off" to get your mind and thoughts together could be an option.

    I realize that when children arrive it gets dicey with the birthday and christmas thing. But that is years into the future.

    But is that really living a lie? You don't have to agree with all of the beliefs of anything or anyone. You can define the rules. You really don't have to get into doctrinal issues with them. Why?

    Personally, from what I am reading, I don't think it has to be an all or nothing thing. Again, if you are inactive, you can simply define the rules.

    Just my thoughts. I wish you the best. Please keep us informed.

    Rub a Dub

  • DesirousOfChange

    Sorry you're experiencing this but I suspect it is what you expected.I also suspect there are many on this board who would be very grateful if their JW family members would continue to associate with them as "inactive" PIMO's (or even POMO -- though NOT DA'd).

    That's kind where we are. We don't attend -- at all. Quit Field Circus long before quitting attending. Thus, our JW family openly associates with us even though we have explained our position to some of them. The others just see us as "stumbled". We don't do any thing brazen that could get us "in trouble" with the Eldubs. (Which means we've really had to keep the lesbian and swinging experiences on the Down Low. -- Just kidding!)

    I think it's a compromise worth giving consideration. Then you can occasionally sow some seeds.

  • road to nowhere
    road to nowhere

    I know lots of JWs who kept their baptism vow but broke the marriage vow. Some of that stuff like history is unbelievable. DA is a big step, but the cat is out of the bag now.

  • Tameria2001

    What you just said sounds almost exactly what I went through 19 years ago when I told my JW mother that my husband and I were DA ourselves from the Watchtower. At that time she too said my marriage would not last because we no longer have Jehovah in our lives and that we turned our back on him. Still gives me the creeps when I repeat those words. The ironic part was our marriage actually got stronger, and we became happier after walking away from that cult. Even my own sons who were still very young tell me to this day that I became a much better mother after we left the JWs. We were finally free to be who we really are, and not the same old cookie-cutter new personality that the Watchtower was always shoving down our throats.

    Nothing I said to my mother connected to her as far as why I was leaving, even the 1975 lie that the Watchtower had taught back then. 1975 was the reason my mother became a JW. They told her that she would be reunited with her daughter who died a couple of years before at the age of 5.

    But on the positive note with my JW relatives totally shunning me, is that I don't have to deal with their toxic crap that they are always spewing out of their viperious mouths.

  • Giordano

    The arguments on this forum center around leaving/fading or officially Disassociating to stop any contact from the Elders, Circuit Servant etc.

    Unfortunately when your name is called out as in 'S0 and S0 is no longer one of Jehovah's Witness'. You will pay the same price and be lumped in with ex JW sinners.

    Simply leaving is your right. Freedom of Religion could not exist without Freedom From Religion.

    In fact over 60% of born-ins leave and no longer consider themselves or identify with the JW's according to the Pew religious survey.

    Also the JW's have as many divorces (11%) as most every Christian religion according to Pew.

    My wife and I faded away back in the mid 1960's. This was a time when you could make it known that you were leaving. DF didn't start until 1981. To be perfectly honest the on going arguments spoiled any feeling of family closeness. To be on our own strengthened our marriage.

    Maybe take some time off and put some distance between the congregation and family members....before you decide. Until then you can simply say "we are praying to Jehovah about certain issues that have stumbled us.....thank you for your concern"

    Or you can say that returning is always a possibility but not until the Society cleans up it's pedophile problem.

    Jesus said to his followers "do not hinder the little children from coming to me" I would think child sexual abuse would be considered as a crime against the little children and one hell of a hindrance.

    Keep in touch.........we know the issues of leaving because we have all chosen a path away from the JW construct.

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