by Xena 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Francois

    Perhaps we should set up our own "Dating & Mating" service for ex-JWs. God knows we could use it, those of us who have stories like Xena. I don't think anyone but an ex-JW could fully understand us, y'know. But another ex-JW certainly could.

    What do you all think about that? You think we should set up another site? Get Simon to add it to this one (he might not be busy enough, you know).

    So...what do you think?

    Frank Tyrrell

  • startingover

    After reading comments on this thread, I sit here reflecting. I don't post very often but I read everyday and feel lost without the contact. In the time I have spent here I have had so much information piled into my mind it's been hard to absorb it all. But I remember clearly some things from the beginning.

    One thing I remember was that you were here Xena. I remember because of the picture you had along side your name when you posted (Not the one you have now). One particular thread you started at that time was regarding that picture and some comments made about how you looked in the picture.

    I thought it was a nice sexy picture. I copied into onto my hard drive to see if I could enlarge it to see what you really looked like. It didn't work, all I had was a small pic that pixelated when enlarged still on my hard drive. The rest of the story...

    My wife is still a loyal JW and although she knows well how I feel about the JW's, some things work better if we don't talk about them. One of those things is this discussion board. She knows I read on this site, but I don't do it in front of her or discuss the things I have learned here because it upsets her. My not being a JW anymore has caused some of her feelings of security to disappear. Anyway, guess what? She found your picture, Xena, and wanted to know who it was. Let me make it clear that I didn't want to enlarge it to get a better look at your cleavage. I simply wanted to look at the whole picture larger. Honest. Well, I had to explain to her why I had it and where it came from. Not sure if she believed me but it was never mentioned again.

    I'm relating this Xena because everytime your name pops up on a thread I always read it, partly because of the picture episode. Now I kind of feel like I personally know you even though that's not the case. In fact I feel like I know many on this board just by reading their posts. (I still have a warm spot in my heart for BillyGoat because she welcomed me when I first arrived). But I am uncomfortable with getting too involved with online friends because I can't share it with my wife.

    I am in a position, not df'd or da'd, with an active JW wife who I love, where I feel a lack of friends too. I am no longer comfortable around the JW's I have known forever, and have to keep separate from them to keep from being accountable to their organization. And I have found that I have a hard time doing what it takes to be friends with those outside the witnesses. Some of it is because it would put my wife in an uncomfortable position and I don't want to do that. Some of it not knowing how. I have several non JW friends from high school that I keep in contact with (graduated 30 years ago, interesting comments I get from them when I tell them I'm not a JW anymore, but that's for another thread). One thing I do discern from talking to these friends is that they make for a good memory but maybe nothing beyond that. Would I be friends with them if they lived by me? I don't think so. I've changed. So have my priorities.

    I have no solution, but I am so glad to be free to think for myself that I am willing to sacrifice some things. But I do know this... I would be lost if this board ever shut down. Really.

  • Xena
    If you look back, how many of the people that were in your congregation would you actually choose. Most of the ones I knew I really can't believe I invested my time in them. I think on it now and I did not get to choose any.

    Isn't that the truth! Can you believed how we berated ourselves too about not REALLY wanting to die for some of them?????

    Craig you and Katie ya'll are to sweet. I have watched ya'll post and been moved at how caring you are to everyone, I will hang onto the phone number, expect a call next time I get depressed...should be about the same time next month

    I've just committed to seeing to it that my daughter won't have to go through what I have - wasting 30 years of her life. I could be wrong, but I think it's okay to sacrifice one's life if the payoff is happy and well balanced kids. That's what I'm shooting for, anyway.

    Tell you what Teejay my daughter will NOT have my issues when she grows up, I am sure she will have a few of her own, but not the crippling lack of social skills and self esteem I was gifted with by the dubs (amoung other things). So I guess I am a bit committed myself

    (((sexy teejay)))

    I compare growing up as a dub now to thinking everyone you meet outside of the org could possibly give you SARS so you have little or no contact and you steralize your thoughts all the time to remain clean.

    excellent analogy shotgun! Can I steal it?

    Sounds like there are many on the forum who care for you, maybe thats the start............

    you know I got such a warm fuzzy feeling from this's just really nice that people will take some time out of their day to try and cheer another person up...just sharing a kind or supportive word.....and to.technically a stranger to most of their fruits you will know them huh?

    I’m waking up to the realization that I’m phobic about being responsible for people.

    Yesss I can relate to that. I mean I can't keep a plant alive, how can I be expected to take care of a friend?? I worry I will let people down...not be there for them when they need me...that I will suck at being a friend.

  • Xena

    darn it I wasn't supposed to post that yet...don't you hate premature uuumm postulation???

  • teejay

    >>>> I worry I will let people down...not be there for them when they need me...that I will suck at being a friend.


    I think you said more there than you realized. At least I think you did.

    I can relate to not being in a mad rush to make friends. When I was a Dub and df'd, people I just knew would never turn their back on me did. Since fading, while some still treat me decently, many give the cold shoulder. So, with that kind of experience, I forgive myself for not being in a hurry to put myself in a position to be let down again.

    At the same time, I believe that having been through what we've been through, we all have the potential of being a sucky friend. Many of us gave a lot to others without being reciprocated, so we may now be reluctant to offer the quality of friendship we once did. I don't know about you, but I know that I'm not interested in wasting anymore of my time on people who don't deserve it.

    Sometimes I'm hurt/angry and really far from being in the mood to tip-toe around someone's lack of understanding. I've done that too long.

  • Xena
    Sink New Roots!

    Navigator you forget I live in on a rock pile here in Austin But I am working on my new roots...I just have to figure out a way around some obsticles.

    Thank you for your kind words Razorblade...I feel less alone. It's a good feeling.

    Black Sheep , looking very daper this evening, it's funny you mention the "patter" lol I have my moments when I make it work for me But something I noticed when I do it I never tell them anything about myself. I draw them out and make small talk quite well, but I have trouble telling anyone anything "real" about unless they are strangers on the other side of a computer screen apparently...then I pour my gut out...go figure huh? Glad to hear you come from a "liberal" JW family, they give me hope mine might come around someday

    and thank you for the compliment, my weekend was better for your presence in it.

    Wildfire, I enjoyed spending the evening with you too. lol we had an interesting time didn't we????


    yes that is a nice ending thought.....maybe I need to try working from the inside out.

    SadElder it's not a nice feeling to wonder if your "friends" are just using you is it? I hate that feeling!

    obiwan do you ever look back and it's almost like a dream to you? not really real...or is that just me that feels that way???

    Joy remind me to call you before the next party I go to, to get my pep talk!!!

    Hey Jim, glad to hear you are widening out in your association (sorry I just couldn't help myself there). Not sure when I will be going back to San Antonio but I will be sure to look you up if I am in the area!

    With all the people that have dated and gotten married from this board you really think we NEED a dating service Frank?

    startingover, wow that thread was a long time ago wasn't it? Been thru lots of pictures since then haven't I??? I am flattered you were curious what I looked like and sorry it got you in trouble. Your situation is even worse than mine isn't it? At least I have the option of getting out there and trying this new life must be difficult for you and you must love your wife very much.

    I am glad that we both have found a place we feel comfortable coming and sharing with friends

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    I know what you mean Xena. A good friend is someone you can pour your guts out to. I find that it is usually someone of the same sex. It can take a long time to to find someone you can do that with. Some people can do it straight up at the first meeting, I sure can't, but some of those people have become my best friends. Others I avoid like the plague, they overdo it.

    Nice perfume you are wearing, what is that? I must buy some for my wife.

  • startingover


    You always have what I would consider to be very sexy photos. Who's your photographer?

    I am envious of all of you on the board that can meet each other in person. I would really like to be at an apostofest sometime, I wish it wouldn't cause so many problems. It's irritating that my wife can go to all the meetings and get all the "encouragement" and no doubt some pity, can associate with all these people she has things in common with, but yet if I were to want to do the same thing with people I have things in common with that's just not acceptable. I should clarify that, I can associate with anyone I want that shares my passion for motorcycles without a problem, as long as they're not apostates.

    Maybe someday...

  • CruithneLaLuna

    Dear Xena,

    It is what it is, and the only question is, "What now?" It's time to take control of our lives and create the remaining years to befit who we are and who we aspire to become. I have similar problems; no doubt many of us do. The fact that in some respects we may be considered "late bloomers" means nothing. Forget the "late" part, and BLOOM. Show the Universe the gorgeousness of yourself-as-flower. I.e., we must choose to live, rather than just let life happen to us.


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