In speaking with some people the other day I realized I have no roots....no long term frienships....no family connections. I went to a party and almost all of the people there knew each other from high school or college or family friends. I felt so out of place. I didn't go to college. I have no friends I grew up with. I have no family anymore. And I am so so tired of trying to explain WHY that is to people. I am tired of feeling like an outcast. I am tired of feeling like a freak. Everyone there was nice but I felt so out of place.....do you ever wonder if you will find your place in this world?
I don't know what else to say, but I'm sorry for how you are feeling. I'm not good at giving cyber hugs, I'm much better in person, but I think you need one.
oh hon...I can understand how you feel. I'm the last of my line. After my mother passed, suddenly the rest of the family just drifted away. All I have in this world is my beautiful son. My grandparents are gone, my parents are gone. The friends from college...well, don't hear from them. Friends from work...well...that's the work association thing.
There are times when I feel so very alone even in a crowded room. But we come into this world alone...and in all truth....don't we leave this world alone. People will pass through our lives. Some will be for only a moment...Some will be for awhile....and some...some will stay. Only you can make yourself happy. It's hard when you look around and there is no one around to reach out to in a moment's notice.
I think I've drifted here...but please understand that you are not alone in this feeling. You are a strong and beautiful woman. This will pass.
Arrowstar / Lisa
ps...get yourself up to Dallas!! We'll have a good visit. Could be just what you need...
Xena, I have a feeling that there's quite a few of us in the same position as yourself....as for me....I'm in the same position....and I just try to take it day by day and make what I can of my life....and enjoy the support and camaradarie of the other xdubs online....oh, it isn't always great (my life).....but coming here to this forum and enjoying the cyber-friendships with other xdubs online sure does relieve some of the loneliness and feelings of isolation....and helps to keep me grounded, so to speak.....because I know that others here like me understand where I'm coming from....and what I've experienced and my way of speaking.......
Yes, I have no roots either - all the people I grew up with are JWs and now think I'm Satan (or at least, on his payroll). I never kept in touch with any non-JW schoolfriends or non-JW relatives (as per the instructions).
Now the friends I have are 'new' so to speak but I at least know one thing ... they are my friends and not just people that go to the same 'club' one or two times a week (ie. associates).
On the plus side (putting a positive spin on things) it makes it easier to move on without so many emotional ties.
In High School I made friends when I was still attending meetings, to this day I still see most of them as well as my friends from Public school. The best part is my JW friends left as well and I see them too! I'm glad it worked out for me and I ignored the "staying away from wordly people" talk haha!
Yup if my sister decided to leave now she did not maintained any contact with her friends and all her friends are JW's so she would be a in a similar situation unfortunatley. The funy thing is as JW's they do pagan things together in secret now if you left would they still do pagan things with you?
Thank ya'll...it's nice to have a place to go where people understand you.
There are times when I feel so very alone even in a crowded room
that is me to a T arrowstar!
Most of the time I am happy with who I am and where I am at..and I do have some great friends who accept me warts and all and for that I am grateful
....but sometimes I am overwhelmed with sadness at the loss of a whole portion of my life.
I do need to get to Dallas one of these day and get some of that Dallas apostate luvin....and a hug in person from Big Tex
You guys are good people, you know that don't you????
oh baby girl, I'm glad we could make you smile if only for a moment.
You guys are good people, you know that don't you????
Thanks, sweetie. But don't say that too loud...we might get the big head and suck up all the oxygen in the room.
You get on up here soon. You need it and we would love to have you come for a good visit.
do you ever wonder if you will find your place in this world?
All the freakin time!!
It kills me ya know--I used to have friends that I had been around since we were in diapers, and they were GOOD friends, they really were.
Now I don't know where any of them are. My long time family friends I see occasionally, but it feels awkward. They don't quite know the protocol with me. Should they embrace me, should they witness to me, should they try and set a good example, should they shun me?
My boyfriend is out in Washington D.C. right now, to be the best man at his friends wedding. He's been friends with this guy since highschool. He knows their family, he knows the bride to be, and he was telling me about the great dinner they had when they first got into town, and there was a big pain in the pit of my stomach. I mean, as a little girl my friends and I used to say, "You'll be my bridesmaids" and we had our whole weddings plotted out every time a new JC Penny's Spring Bridal catalog would come. And now, most of them are married and I didn't get to go, and I certainly wasn't in any of them. I don't think I will ever get to experience that closeness with friends again. And it **** sucks!
*Sorry for the cussin, got a little weepy and vengeful there*
None of my high school friends have kept in contact, and that's my fault. I kept my distance from them after high school because I still wanted to be a good dub, and I am not sure how to find them now.
Aside from the really great minnesota apostates I have found through this site, I wouldn't have any friends. I feel so lucky to know them, and I have at least some sense of normalcy because of them.
I totally feel your pain sister. Sometimes I feel adrift, and just hope I make some more close friends soon--but it gets a lot harder the older you get. I keep hoping I will find my place. Sometimes I am sure that I will, and think it's just around the corner--but usually I am just glum about it. And it feels like I am just meant to be a loner.
If you want roots, just don't dye your hair for a few days. But seriously, i know the feeling.