I'm coming back to the forum after 10 months, and new challenges...
I haven't been here for about 10 months and just looked over some topics to update myself, well I came back for a very particular reason... My family was, father, mother, sister and I... The split up (4 years ago), only my father remained JW, my sister left but lives with him, and I've been living by myselft over the last months sharing an apartment with my girlfriend (worldly) an his brother (worldly) (we are a "modern family" hahahaha)...
So the relation with my father have been in many different phases the last 4 years, having in mind that he cheated my mom with her best friend (woman) within the congregation an married her just few months ago... So today it's my birthday and I called dad and told him that I had a great time anyway and that to be "even more pagan" I set up my Christmas tree today...
He had never questioned me for dating and living with my current girfriend nor tried to "bring me back to the congregation", but he replied to me: "Hey, talking about being a pagan, I'm not confortable with things now because I want us to como closer together again and do more things like having lunch or whathever and your are now DF, can you talk to the elders and take back the letter you sent them DA-ing so we can share more?"
I don't know what to do, I really mean what I wrote in my D.A. letter, I needed to vent what I think of the borg now, I'm no way taking it back, those are like my Luther's Theses ... I can't believe my father divorced my mother on no biblical ground, continued dating her best JW friend, and 3 years later they got married and are a happy respectable "christian" couple... And now he suddendly is not confortable with me because I sent a letter to the elders telling them I no longer believed the same shit they do... My sister simply stopped attending meetings and dated worldly boys, celebrate xmas, birthdays and stuff, but with me is different just because I have a clearer idea of WHO I REALLY AM and I'm trying to live by that.
I thinks this whole thing is unfair, he is totally blackmailing me, It's been years to get to this friendly level with my father, and now he is adding this awful pressure. Let's hope that my grand parents, uncles and cousins (all of 'em non-JW) help me to make him see clearly that he is FAR from being a model JW, and he's bashing me for not being one, and being HONEST....
I think the only way to have both parts "happy" is try to un-do m baptism... I was 10 then, NO ONE can make a for-life decision like this at that age.
I'm really upset by all these and may the WT burn like hell, they are serial family destroyers!!!
THANKS FOR READING FELLAS :)
i`m sorry Mandrake but my blood boils reading this , cognitive dissonance ? hypocrisy ? Rationalizing ones own lifestyle while condemning someone else`s who probably mirrors your own .Double standards etc.
take care mandrake ,however can`t Lothar sort this all out ?
Hey, talking about being a pagan, I'm not confortable with things now because I want us to como closer together again and do more things like having lunch or whathever and your are now DF, can you talk to the elders and take back the letter you sent them DA-ing so we can share more?
Dad, are you saying you need the elders' permission to share your life with your own son? Are you really looking to other men to decide for who you talk to or not?
And I still stand by what I wrote. Retracting it would make me feel like a hypocrite. I'm sure you raised me to be honest, straight forward and true to my beliefs. So I'm here, open have a proper relationship with my own father. I trust you are open to having a full and proper relationship with your son?
Anyway, afaik retracting the letter won't be enough anyway. You need 'sincere repentance', visiting the meetings for some time and all that. I take it that's a real big NOPE for you.
I hope that my grand parents, uncles and cousins (all of 'em non-JW) help me to make him see clearly that he is FAR from being a model JW, and he's bashing me for not being one, and being HONEST....
You have many relatives as a support system, stick with them. Your dad cheated on your mother and he's a totally dishonest person regarding what he professes to believe. He wants you to join him in his dishonesty by taking back your DA letter. I don't think you can tolerate a person like this in your life.
I know it's hard, he's your father but it's not as if you are on your own. You also have your mother and sister I think? If he doesn't love you for who you are, well the decision is yours ......
First of all, you cannot simply rescind a Letter of DA. You left the Cult. You are OUT. To get back "in", you would have to go through all the procedure that a DF person must do -- a year of meetings while sitting in the back row and "eating shit" with the Eldubs telling them you are SO SORRY you wrote all that malicious crap about God's True Organization, yada yada yada, and grovel and beg to be allowed back into the WT Madhouse.
I'd suggest telling your dad that you accept his decision to "dump" your mom and cat around with his new woman. After all it is HIS decision (and you can't control it anyway). Thus, he must accept your decision to exit the Cult. The 1981 WT allows him to associate with you for reasons of "necessary family business". No one else has to know of what "business" you are having together -- it's none of THEIR business. He can play this loophole if he chooses. I seriously doubt it will jeopardize his positions in the Cong as I cannot imagine that the Eldubs will be appointing an "adulterer" to any position any time soon.
The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!
Ask your father if he wants you to lie, because that is what he is asking you to do. Ask him if he is really taking the moral high ground here if he is going to shun you for telling the truth about what you believe.
Thanks for your Views :)
Yes, I don't think one can't take back and a letter, and I'm not coming back to meetings and stuff, 99.9% of people from the past I encounter in town are avoiding me, so whatever... I'm not sure if they announced me as no longer JW... I don't know my status, because when I handed out my da letter it was in my ex Congo, my parents changed me without my knowledge...
I would give dad a big, I'm not willing to stablish a relationship with someone who is putting a man made religion before family's... But I still need some money he sends me, I will be moving wisely on this topic... Oh I wish to soon earn enough money to be 100% independent.
I talked to my mom and she is totally scandalised about it (she also left the JWs but didn't DA herself)
...can you talk to the elders and take back the letter you sent them DA-ing so we can share more?"
I know it's not an easy situation, but I'd remind him that you taking that action is not the only option He has to accept that he can talk and have lunch with you, and that he has the option of doing so and respecting your decision.
He can blackmail you only if you see it as a one-way street. Relationships go both ways. So the way I see it, it's not true that he had not "tried to bring me back to the congregation". He is trying to bring you back to the congregation, and this is probably battle one of probably a series of things that he will start wanting from you in the name of your relationship.
He must respect your decision. What he's doing is very manipulative, and you're not even noticing. He's the one responsible for not having a good relationship with you.
they are serial family destroyers!!!
Yes unfortunately so.
Its an organization built up on lies, ignorance and corruption under a guise of serving Jehovah (God) preaching the Gospel
Power corrupts , absolute power corrupts absolutely
Just because 2 people had sex and you happened to be the product of it once doesn't mean you owe them anything. He doesn't sound like a great guy from what you've said, though he may be outside of this particular discussion. Humans pine away for the love of parents that are sometimes very broken and toxic. At some point you may determine that he is such and in my view you don't owe them. Move on. In this case, don't let him buy you monetarily. Don't let him extort you. None of this sounds particularly healthy. He seems narcissistic.