by Skepsis 20 Replies latest jw friends
In many ways it's like leaving an abusive spouse. You know it's the right and healthy thing to do... but you are still human with feelings and probably a lot of good memories.
Until you can experience it for yourself, trust those of us who know, that leaving the TROOF is the best way of life. It's worth whatever you have to go through to get here.
Great job Skepsis and well done on your fade. It's not easy at first because the FOG can still be thick but given some time you will appreciate life and people in general so much more.
God to know, Skepsis. I'm very happy for you.
Question, what are you doing with all the time you used to spend in JW activities? Are you bringing new people to your life?
Good for you. It's weird at first but you will settle in and realize how much time WT took from you.
My spouse and I had to come to terms that we were going to loose "friends." We have. We knew we could possibly loose family. We have to a certain extent. As long as you realize these things will happen, you will be ok. Like someone mentioned, go join some things of interest and branch out and meet people.
Hang in there!
You're playing it well, Skepsis.
BTW, are you a Dark Crystal fan?
Question, what are you doing with all the time you used to spend in JW activities? Are you bringing new people to your life?
Hi scratchme,
Yes, first people I wanted to know better were working colleagues. I've been recently to a company BBQ and going out with some of them some weekends. They're good and healthy people, not the 'worldly' caricatures the Org use to describe non-Witnesses.
I also joined German classes where I'm meeting new people. I've been also to some meetups in my city.
My spouse and I had to come to terms that we were going to loose "friends." We have. We knew we could possibly loose family. We have to a certain extent. As long as you realize these things will happen, you will be ok. Like someone mentioned, go join some things of interest and branch out and meet people.
Of course, ToesUp. I realised that some time ago. I do know that even fading, I will lose all my friends, even those people I know since we were children.
If I'm fading and doing it in a careful way, it's because of my family. I hope my family won't shun me. Still don't know but it's the only chance to achieve it. Now some friends I thought were like family, don't invite me to spend time with them like before. And I'm still a brother, going to meetings. Just imagine when I stop attending meetings.
Every second devoted to this Org is a second lost to live your own life. I think it was the fact that I realised during these months that there's no "new system of things", no more time than the life here on Earth to enjoy, what made me speed up my fading.
It's good you know the reality of leaving. We have had some discussions with some who are totally shocked that no one will have anything to do with them after they leave.
You seem to really have your head on straight. Keep us posted.
You're experiencing "Post-Kingdom-Hall Syndrome" (PKHS) in which symptoms include strange feelings of normality that leave you feeling uneasy because you're expecting something bad will happen. Withdrawal symptoms will see you idealizing your JW friends and grieving for them, wrongly believing they are irreplaceable.
At an intellectual level, you know you've made the most intelligent and informed choice (by staying away) but at an emotional level, the FOG (Fear, obligation and Guilt) kicks in big time. You will be susceptible to spiritual blackmail.
PKHS is also manifested by fear-based urges such as the need to avoid causing others concern, to be careful about how you navigate your way through endless possibilities (What will I do if the elders call? How will I come across if I see them when I am out in public going about my legitimate business, etc).
One day you will look back on PKHS and realize it does not last forever and that you have moved on to a better, more fulfilling life. Best, steve
Well done !
Yes, do not worry about those "friends" who you are currently missing.
The sad reality is, those people will drop you in a flash once they hear you are "spiritually weak" or worse, a "doubtful apostate".
As hard as it may seem, recognise that despite the years of shared history with them, THEY ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Real friends take effort to make. We thought as witnesses that we had dozens or hundreds or thousands of friends....WE did not. We had "conditional aquaintances"
