I'm giving up in 2017! (More steps in my fading)
When I joined this site at the beginning of this year, I was serving as an uber-zealous regular pioneer and MS in a foreign congregation where the need is greater. I was giving public talks and having parts at regional conventions. Had started to have doubts but I hadn't time to focus on them, I simply was overcharged with so many activities and things to do.
I started by quitting pioneering but couldn't think I would give further steps for a long time. But things are going faster than expected and told elders that I'm stepping down as MS. It was a big shock for them but I couldn't do it for more time. Just can't have more parts at meetings (I was having 2 or 3 parts each meeting) defending doctrines I no longer believe in.
I've received dozens of emails, phone calls and messages even from people I hadn't seen for years. They're all very worried about my spirituality but when asked I'm simply playing the depression and anxiety cards. "You know, brother XYZ, this world is so difficult". That's what I want to say at this moment and most of brothers understand it though there are other who want me to not give up on spiritual privileges.
This was a couple of weeks ago but this weekend I had my Regional Convention. Wanted to go to chat with some people I only see at conventions and friends of long time ago. However, I was thinking how I would suffer sitting down for hours listening to the same ol' song even more explicit than ever with that title.
So finally I didn't go. Yesterday had some doubts about going today Sunday. Woke up early, had breakfast but decided to stay at home.
This is the first time since I have memories that I'm not going to the summer convention. I had expected it would be my last one but now I think last year's will be my last one.
From one side I'm happy but on the other, I'm missing so many friends. I have a strange mixture of feelings.
don'tgive up your lies, Watchtower!
Well done Skepsis, hope you are doing okay missing friends today. Do something fun and take your mind off it all. You deserve it.
keep up the fade! dont look back the rest of your life is ahead of you, dont waste any more time on them, they are not worth it.
It's kinda strange, weeks after you start to fade, you start to think straight and you realize that all these rules and regulations are designed to keep you locked up in the organization. It's really about money.
Kudos to you Skepsis...you have a good set of cards! A good fade will protect you from any participation in spreading WT lies. Maybe you can find other ways to chat with your friends, but at least you remained loyal to your own standards and moral/intellectual integrity. I think keeping up appearances in WT la-la-land can make someone sick! Unfortunately some don't have a choice (they deserve our respect and thank g*d they can vent at places like this forum), but you have, so... good luck with all your remaining steps in 2017!
Good on you Skepsis! It's troubling at the moment as you straddle the two worlds but it gets better as the influence of the org dwindles and you can enjoy your own authentic life.
I found that making new friends is a great compensation for the loss of old JW friends. Perhaps your actions might give them the confidence to join you?
I seriously admire and applaud you Skepsis.
It's a daunting task for most faders to accelerate their exit rapidly and smoothly, but you're dealing with it very astutely by replying to the inquisitors with "humble & apologetic" answers which tell them nothing. That's exactly what they want to hear, as opposed to hearing you suffer from doubts, questions, or even (God forbid!) "independent thinking." Keep it going.
Skepsis - Good for you!
That is a giant step for you. FYI it doesn't get easier but hang in there.
You will face many challenges, moments of confusion, sadness, and worry.
It's all worth it to not be part of a devious cult!
We are all here to help!
weeks after you start to fade, you start to think straight and you realize that all these rules and regulations are designed to keep you locked up in the organization. It's really about money.
Eons ago, a CO told the pioneers in our congo that it only takes missing meetings for three weeks to fall out of the truth. Which makes no sense. It is either the truth or it is not.
The steady bombardment of indoctrination is what keeps people hanging on by their fingernails to a fantasy.
Skepsis one of the most difficult parts of fading is that having been accustomed to representing ourselves as a devoted JW we still feel we have something to offer our fellow believers.
JW's in general are not comfortable with apostates, they really don't want to hear what your questioning or worse........... challenging.
So at this stage of your fade and assuming you don't want to be shunned (though as time goes on that becomes less of an issue with friends but still hurtful with close family members) the consensus on this forum is to accept your demotion as a strong JW and keep your thoughts to yourself.
I've received dozens of emails, phone calls and messages even from people I hadn't seen for years. They're all very worried about my spirituality but when asked I'm simply playing the depression and anxiety cards.
Short of moving far away from all of the people you counted as friends........... the depression and anxiety cards are a good way to affect this change since most JW's suffer from the same problems.
Never take a meeting with two Elders........ never share your thoughts with two close JW friends. Do not revel any private doubts on sites like Facebook.
Do get out and begin to develop new non JW relationships. The simplest way to make new friends is the same way you did as a JW. Find an area of interest. Join a group or two who are of the same mind....have the same interests........ that meet regularly.................. allow new relationships to grow organically.
As you slowly fade away you'll gain ten, fifteen, twenty hours a week.......... apply that found time to new people, new pursuits, education, sports and hobbies etc.
In the witness protection agencies people have to stay away from those who would do them harm, avoid where they gather, avoid social invitations etc. So move on with your life and make it a good one. This is what just about everyone on this forum had to do to get separation.