When I joined this site at the beginning of this year, I was serving as an uber-zealous regular pioneer and MS in a foreign congregation where the need is greater. I was giving public talks and having parts at regional conventions. Had started to have doubts but I hadn't time to focus on them, I simply was overcharged with so many activities and things to do.
I started by quitting pioneering but couldn't think I would give further steps for a long time. But things are going faster than expected and told elders that I'm stepping down as MS. It was a big shock for them but I couldn't do it for more time. Just can't have more parts at meetings (I was having 2 or 3 parts each meeting) defending doctrines I no longer believe in.
I've received dozens of emails, phone calls and messages even from people I hadn't seen for years. They're all very worried about my spirituality but when asked I'm simply playing the depression and anxiety cards. "You know, brother XYZ, this world is so difficult". That's what I want to say at this moment and most of brothers understand it though there are other who want me to not give up on spiritual privileges.
This was a couple of weeks ago but this weekend I had my Regional Convention. Wanted to go to chat with some people I only see at conventions and friends of long time ago. However, I was thinking how I would suffer sitting down for hours listening to the same ol' song even more explicit than ever with that title.
So finally I didn't go. Yesterday had some doubts about going today Sunday. Woke up early, had breakfast but decided to stay at home.
This is the first time since I have memories that I'm not going to the summer convention. I had expected it would be my last one but now I think last year's will be my last one.
From one side I'm happy but on the other, I'm missing so many friends. I have a strange mixture of feelings.
don't give up your lies, Watchtower!