Question about dfed relatives

by awake!watcher 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • awake!watcher

    Does anyone know if there is a wt reference that says associating with a dfed relative is a conscience matter? I am asking because someone is trying to cause trouble and i was hoping there was an article i could point to to shut them up.

  • Giordano
    We do not have spiritual or social fellowship with disfellowshipped ones. The Watchtower of September 15, 1981, page 25, stated: “A simple ‘Hello’ to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshiped person?”

    There is more info on this JW site.

    What if a relative is disfellowshipped?
    In other cases, the disfellowshipped relative may be living outside the immediate family circle and home. Although there might be a need for limited contact on some rare occasion to care for a necessary family matter, any such contact should be kept to a minimum. Loyal Christian family members do not look for excuses to have dealings with a disfellowshipped relative not living at home.
    For more information about how to treat disfellowshipped relatives, see the Scriptural counsel discussed in The Watchtower of April 15, 1988, pages 26-31, and September 15, 1981, pages 26-31.

  • Finkelstein

    Loyal Christian family members do not look for excuses to have dealings with a disfellowshipped relative not living at home.

    If an elder sees or hears of one of their members within their congregation associating quite often with a DFed member who is related by family, yes expect to be counseled.

    They may investigate the recent association.

    Thats exactly what its like in this highly controlling religious cult.

  • steve2

    awake!watcher, there has never been a statement in JW organization that associating with a disfellowshipped relative is a conscience matter.

  • Finkelstein

    awake!watcher you stated 2 years ago that your an inactive JWS, which pretty much says your not a JWS

    anymore .

    Are you suggesting that another JWS is giving you the gears for taking to a DFed JWS ?

  • DesirousOfChange

    Most recent that I am aware of that goes into great detail is a WT from about 1981. It explains the "necessary family business" loophole. In past experience (over 10 years ago) as an elder, WTS Service Dept directed elders to "stay out" of what qualified as such. IOW, if I think it is "necessary" in my family, then IT IS necessary. The only "action" that the Elders could take was to remove you from any position as not exemplary.

    I don't think you'll find much in print that is more recent in the way of making excuses for association with DF family. "For the record" (printed material) they publicly state that they don't break up families. In real life practice, they know damn well that they do!

    Additionally, everything being "not said" -- by that I mean verbal convention talks & videos -- is hammering down on any such kind of loophole. A JW is disloyal if they don't totally shun DF family. After all, "it's the loving thing to do."
  • steve2

    Does anyone know if there is a wt reference that says associating with a dfed relative is a conscience matter?

    I've been thinking about your question, awake-watcher and, although I answered earlier, another thought occurred to me that may be relevant:

    Conscience matters are largely reserved for some things that individual JWs may accept (or not accept, as the case may be) for themselves such as consenting to certain medical treatments (e.g., blood fractions). Conscience does not apply to JWs choosing to talk or not talk to others.

  • Reazon22

    What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah’s Witnesses? The religious ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings continue.

    Look at this example here from the site. The normal family actions continue. Had this discussion with my family and I said let’s see what the society says about this, let’s go to the source and see their reaction.

  • scratchme1010

    That's something that in my experience I have seen changing and bending according to whatever politics people want to play.

    Through the years they keep saying different things about relationships with relatives who aren't JWs or are disfellowshipped.

  • dozy

    While Society policy is that there should be no contact ( other than "necessary family business" ) , in practice the degree of contact varies a lot and much contact is done in secret , to avoid any trouble.

    In my old congregation an elder's wife used to go on vacation to Spain for a fortnight a couple of times a year with her DFd daughter. She kept quiet about it but many people in the congregation knew about it ( and gossipped behind her back. )

    Conversely a daughter of another elder was DFd and the parents literally cut her off completely 100% - just like the parents toward the girl in the convention videos last year who refused even to answer a phone call at night when she was in distress. She lived in the same town and they would shun and avoid her if they saw her at the supermarket. She went to hospital for a serious operation that she could have died from and they made absolutely no effort to contact her at all.

    So yes - it varies widely amongst witnesses.

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