Disassociation revealed what type of man my father really is.

by Paul Mooney 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Paul Mooney
    Paul Mooney

    I began my exit from the Jehovah’s Witness organization about 5 years. I was a 4th generation born-in, with all the baggage that comes with having the “spiritual heritage” attached to the group. I was an elder/bethelite/pioneer/whatever other useless privilege there was, I had no family or friends outside of the organization… my entire life was that org. I planned on actually “fading” so that I could keep the so-called friends and family that I did know, but after a few months of the faking I could not take it any longer. I was not capable of living my life as a member official or unofficial of that group so I decided to disassociate and cut all ties. It was frowned upon and viewed as a very dangerous step but I felt inside in my personal situation that I had to do it.

    Initially, the decision seemed like a bad idea. My aging parents who were diehards were constantly lashing out, my brother tried to ruin my life, old congo members in my small town saw me constantly and it felt awful being alone initially. My wife eventually left because she saw how quickly her “loving” family members turned on her now that her elder husband was gone. Having her support and that of my children was all I needed to maintain my sanity… but there was still the loneliness of lost friends and most importantly my parents.

    During the few years following my exit I began to receive a lot of contact from other brothers and sisters who were still going but doubting! I foolishly/impulsively sent a facebook message to all of them the day I dropped of my DA letter that I was leaving because the religion was a farce and not because of some wrong doing. In hindsight I believe this message and the fact that I disassociated myself let many of them feel somewhat free to talk to me after the letter was read and to feel safe contacting me with their doubts.

    Anyway, yesterday I get a letter from who a man that I thought was my die hard father who I thought would never speak to me again, this particular excerpt from it really makes me proud of what I did eventhough that decision was hard:

    “please do not share with your mother or brother that I sent this because frankly I am too old to deal with the consequences. I want you to know that first and foremost that I love you. When you left I was very angry because I knew I would lose you. Not because of god killing you, but because I knew that my own lack of backbone would not let me break the rules and be with you. I felt you were selfish but I really wished I was strong enough to do it to. I never told anyone but I don’t believe anymore but at this age what option do I have? Your mom says you will come back and everytime she says it I smile inside because I know you won’t. She always tells people you were to prideful and she is not surrised you did this. I am so proud you have a backbone. I love you so much and miss you all the time. I want to keep typing the same three words to you over and over hoping you will believe me. Im just not strong PAUL. I hate myself for it but I want you to know I love you and I am so proud of you for being strong enough to be yourself. Know I love your *my wife* and my grandkids more than you know especially my namesake *my son who I named after him* so much. Typing this makes me so sick from hurt that I am not strong enough to do what I want but please know I love you. I love you son so much I love you so much…


    Maybe I have shared too much? Either way I thought this might be a nice place to leave this because it really made me feel that much better about my situation.

  • JWdaughter

    Wow. Thank you for sharing that. The religion really is a trap that is hard for many to extricate themselves from. I'm sorry that your dad is compelled to live his life like that. I'm proud of him for reaching out to you, rather than letting such important things go unsaid.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Paul, welcome to our mentally diseased group!

    And, thank you so much for that post. It makes me wonder just how many are trapped in the Cult! Especially older ones like your father. They have invested their heart, soul, and mind in it, only to realize it is all a lie. . . . Doc

  • NewYork44M

    Welcome Paul.

    How very sad for your father. My best to you and your continued success as a free man.

  • NVR2L8

    Welcome Paul.

    I am sitting in a plane shortly before take off to a short business trip to what used to be my home town. I am fighting back tears after reading your post. My dad used to secretly visit my never baptized unbeliever brother and he would cry when leaving. The morning of his death he confided something "disturbing" to my mom who will not tell us what it was about. I suspect that like your dad my father was held hostage in the cult. My mom is 83 and is still pioneering. I'm going home but I can't even reach out to her because all she cares about is the WT. I'm only inactive but she is already in autodefense mode...I am glad that you finally know how your father feels about you and I try to imagine my dad felt the same for me.

  • Giordano

    If you have a way to safely contact him tell him for me that his letter to you was more Christ like then anything the WT came up with.

    Also tell him we understand his situation and the sacrifice he felt he had to make for his family.

  • Paul Mooney
    Paul Mooney

    Thanks everyone, and GIO I really wish I could tell him exactly what you said unfortunately do to his "living" arrangement I will never be anywhere close to him. My sister who has had her eyes opened to the organization recently, but still gets a visit from time to time smuggled the letter out for him. Almost 80 years old and this is the first time I have ever heard him say anything like this. Honestly this is the best memory I can have of him, because this is the only real example I have of who he really is...

    NVR2L8, your name is very fitting, and I feel for you as well. My father like your is in very poor health and has been carted off to live with my super spiritual mother and brother in a town not to far from me. My mother like yours is 70 still pioneering and in poor health but refuses to just see reality. It is literally heart breaking, but I have a lot of life to live like you so we have to make the best of it friend.

    Since I have been out I have had more than a hand-full of people that have contacted me regarding what made me leave and why. I direct them to this site and a couple others and tell them to just start reading and think about their future because so many of them as you guys have stated are completely trappped. The know all to well what they will lose if they leave, I do not think that the percentage who do not believe is as small as I once did either. The main thing that keeps many of them in is the fear of loss.

  • Chook


    your dad gave you the best he was capable of considering the mind control techniques that have hijacked his real self . As Giordano as said , I say amen. Emotionally your dad like many here is damaged goods, but he rose to the occasion to plead with your heart which shows he's trying the best he can, we can't ask from people to give more than there best. I'm having trouble processing the hurt that a church could inflict. I'm sorry for your pain.

  • Worldling9

    Paul, thank you so much for sharing this. So glad your father was able to find a way to be honest with you and with himself. Many of us will never receive a gift like this.

    If he is in poor health, wouldn't a visit be considered 'necessary family business'?

  • ToesUp

    Paul...wow what a story. I really admire how you were strong enough to DA and not live a lie. That took incredible strength on your part.

    Your father is a very special man to share his deep down feelings. I know it breaks your heart to not have much contact with your parents now that you are out. He gave you an incredible gift by sharing this with you.

    The WT has a great deal to answer for. It is an abusive and hurtful organization that tears lives and families apart.

    Hang in there a be glad you made your exit, along with your wife. My spouse and I did the same thing 3 years ago. We are both born ins with Uber dub families. Our families are not in the same town so they don't know we are completely out. We know they are suspicious. I am getting to the same point as you did. It is getting harder to hold back my disgust for this destructive cult.

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