Hello, I am new to forum. I want to thank you for allowing me to post my concerns.
You are a lively, intelligent, empathetic community. I have read many of your posts and comments.
I have two concerns that I would like to discuss here.
It is very important for persons to have a place to speak freely. I have not been to the Kingdom Hall in over a year due to an illness linked to my experiences as a battered child. During this period, I have also developed a fear of returning. The fear of being in the company of people who do think for themselves. I find that many witnesses do not embrace perspicacity they only refer to what's in the JW magazines. If it isn't printed they don't want to reason on it. They don't take it seriously. I find this way of functioning weary. I can't live without learning, reading, and applying information sensibly.
Throughout my life, from the age of seven (when I was thrown against a wall because of the way I walked), I have suffered with debilitating somatic illnesses and neurological challenges. And while that episode at age 7, was entirely terrifying it was not the worse attack but it is the one that haunts me. It often returns to me clearly, announced, followed by many other episodes of similar violence. My brain is incapable of stopping this flow memories and that makes life quite challenging. When the memories come they arrive with every emotion I felt during those beatings. It took sometime to figure out what was happening to me, but in addition to my brain challenges, those burst of intrusive memories among other symptoms have been classified as PTSD.
As my siblings and I grew from childhood to our teens, so did the beatings. The instruments and methods used were carefully selected and the abuse was horrific, much of it was sadistic aggression. This is what makes it so hard to forget. Trauma doesn't leave the body and brain after abuse, it stays. It lingers. It takes up residence, as a result, physical pain is the result of painful memories. To add to this, all I have ever gotten from fellow witnesses who try to pressure me into have a relationship with the person who abused me is I should put "it" behind me because that person is a Jehovah witness and my mother. They have ignored the damage done and the health burden I must carry indefinitely.
I have been told countless times by those who advocate for her, (believe it or not) that I should forgive and forget because according to them, that's what I would want Jehovah to do for me if I had behaved as she did. But in the bible God has never once forgiven anyone who did not show a thoroughly emorseful spirit. When he told them they had to express true remorse, he was not talking about impression management. They had to address the wronged party. They had to develop a spirit of obedience which included doing all they could to correct or comfort the damaged person. They could not use excuses to say why they did it, or present themselves as a victim. They had to own up to their egregious actions. How could persons who go out and teach others the bible not know this? How could they come up with excuses for the horrific acts of a mother?
How could they come to me, the injured party, to honor her? How can you honor a parent who has more in common with the devil than with God? Would it not be prudent to protect yourself from that being? Should you expose yourself to greater harm to please the misguided notions of others? David went higher up in the mountains, harder to reach, after his peaceful meeting with Saul because he knew Saul was bent on killing him. Many witnesses can recall and express scriptures in a scholarly manner but they do not live them. Furthermore, they set common sense aside and God gave us that too.
As a result they minimized my pain and hardship and focused entirely on a weary concept of forgiveness.
Not only has my mother, the devoted witness NOT expressed remorse, she is arrogant. She's is a skilled manipulator having gained the much needed validation for her egotism to flourish. Not only will she never apologize (something I can attest to after three decades of her absent empathy, guilt, conscience, or remorse), she also sees herself as the victim. She has tried to squeeze me and my siblings into an entirely different narrative where she was the victim of jealous family members who tormented her, and caused her to "act out her frustrations" on her children. It was never her fault. It was her "wicked biological sisters" and anyone else who tried to make her accountable for being so cruel. And last but not least she drew on the common enemy, "it was Satan." He tried to destroy her family because she took a stand against him.
But what really sealed the deal and gave her the admiration she sought was when she told them that much of her hardships with her family was caused by persecution for her religious beliefs. Once she said that nothing could break through because there is no greater sacrifice.
What's shocking to me is how easily fellow witnesses except that. I can't wrap my mind around their reasoning. As a result. I have experienced a great deal of misery, even though I am miles away from my mother, do not communicate with her, and never bring her up to anyone unless it is absolutely necessary, she finds inventive ways to leak into my life, like a toxin. And why is she doing this? She wants to win the control she feels robbed of. And, she wants money, things, she sees me as someone to burden with her "alleged" needs, never mind that she has everything she needs to live a quiet, content life. Never mind that I am already taking care of my damaged brain, her gift to me. So each time I aided a sibling, (who by the way have many of health problems I do), she held out her hand too. And overtime she worked on and succeeded in breaking the bond between my siblings, a bond that was stolen, so that the only person left to ask for help was her. She has an extraordinary sense of entitlement. She is never grateful. She sets her sights on more. More, should be her first name.
The abuse never stopped it simply moved from physical and psychological violence, to slander, division, inciting hate, and enlisting others to promote forgetting and forgiving under the auspices of pleasing Jehovah. She claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ. She pioneers and yet she has had no problem NOT expressing a conscience. What type of person/personality behaves this way? Forensic researcher, and psychologist, Robert Hare, does a great job edifying the public in his book, "Without Conscience." But of course unless that is in a JW publication the chances of witnesses reading it are nil.
My Second Concern:
I am deeply troubled by the responses of the governing body towards person who have reported child abuse.It makes no sense to me that they would not do everything possible to address the needs of victims. This is an issue very close to my heart. The governing body should do, must do much more than say "Jehovah abhors child abuse." Their response empowers abusive parents, and those who sexually abuse children. The Center For Disease Control's studies on this very issue have shown that there are long term consequences of Child abuse, causing serious, debilitating, deadly outcomes.
The pressroom section of the JW website speaks of everything except what they are doing to address child abuse. It's critical situation because right now we can do a great deal to prevent the victimization of children, and prevent a health burden. Everyone has a role to play in the safety of children. This is an issue that cannot be ignored. In late 2014 or early 2015 I recalled seeing the FBI Poster of a JW elder who was among their top FBI fugitives (Crimes Against Children Section). He didn't just abuse children who were witnesses he also abused children who came into contact with him because of his preaching activities. What can JW parents do to protect their children.? They can educate themselves on how to spot sexual predators. Why wait on JW literature to teach that when there are professionals who know a great deal more about the behavior of sexual predators. Witnesses can also educate their children, there are books to help boys and girls. Knowledge is power. Seeking non-witness support by is also helpful.
How can witness report sexual abuse anonymously? You can use this resource.
Since Child abuse/maltreatment is preventable, in no way should JWs in a leadership and non-leadership positions add to the burden it places on society according to the CDC's studies "Child maltreatment is a serious and prevalent public health problem in the United States. In fiscal year 2008, U.S. state and local child protective services (CPS) received more than 3 million reports of children being abused or neglected—or about 6 complaints per minute, every day. An estimated 772,000 children were classified by CPS authorities as being maltreated and 1,740 children aged 0 to 17 died from abuse and neglect in 2008. I find that fellow witness place Jehovah, God, in a magical box. They conclude every serious matter deserving of immediate action by saying "Jehovah will take care of it in his time." And, or, "Jehovah will open a door." And very few see their role in living what he has taught us about acting on the behalf of the lowly. You can't help but wonder what has fostered that thinking around the world throughout JW communities because it does not originate with Jehovah, God. It is the kind of thinking that originates with predators, enablers, and hypocrites, and quite frankly a single person, or body of person could be each of those.
Thank you, for allowing me to contribute to your forum.