Non JW and JW friendships

by ricsa 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ricsa

  Hi
  My story is as follows. I've been friends with a guy for round 1,5 years. Always thought he is just your standard Chrsitian as that is what he stated to me when the talk arised. Either way I knew nothing about JWs until a month ago when my mate told me over another discussion that he was a JW so I was like ok, but finding it strange it as it was not mentioned 1,5 years ago.. But then I did some intensive research and was just pretty shocked at what I read.

  To add some depth, we both live in a different country and work together. He initiated the friendship and is a pretty decent dude for the most part. As such I started to disclose my normal lifestyle like I have girlfriends, sex, night life, sport just general guy talk. He always just entertained it never added much to it except that he was married and divorced. He would add in talk that I don't vote, or I'm pretty neutral on politics etc, but I never put anything to it.

  Anyway after he told me he is JW Idid research and decided to bring this up as to understand how he believes this. I spoke about the things I read. Turns out he is indeed a devout JW, born in raised etc.

  When I read this shunning policy i thought it is so archaic and strange. He told me once he had another guy friend who was gay. I then decided to ask him: Your gay friend, non-JW, is gay and you talk and chill on occasion. Your JW friend then comes out and is then dfd will you associate? He tells me definitely not! So I state, you will associate with a "wordly" gay dude, but wont associate with a JW gay dude. That's a double standard. So he says well my Non-JW friend is ignorant I cant hold him responsible but my JW friend should have know better. I was BLOWN away by the response. The reasoning was beyond me. He then spoke about how when he was a kid so many doors slammed in his face and it made him angry - I said so you're angry about that, but if one of your own JWs comes to you with info they discovered you would report it, df, and shun. It's the same. Its a double standard. He just doesn't see it that way

  My biggest issue was the disassociation bit, I had an argument with him on this as I felt it didn't allow anyone who was born in to have a freedom of choice to religion without a consequence. That consequence being shunning. He just says that it's a gift and the gift should be accepted if it is not accepted I will need to associate less. mind=blown. The more soild questions I ask, the more he seems to jump around the answers and not answer directly. Don't get it.
  

  Anyway he told me no JW is perfect and all are imperfect to which I said I just encourage you to think a little independently as this resonates with me as being a brainwashing/mind control.The "discreetslave" are human and thus can also be imperfect as you stated, please just think a little more independently. He did state on occassion why I am disrespecting his beliefs and being disrespectful, but I couldn't keep it in I just wanted him to see what I see because he is a respecting cool guy. I've decided to just say look we reason differently and we can continue to talk and maybe leave religion out.

  Any thing you can share as being JW? Will there be and depth to the friendship? What is going on in his head? He's a pretty "normal" respecting dude, I'm just blown away by the reasonings. Could you share some advice as being a JW? I do still feel pretty strange knowing what I know, I really knew absolutely nothing about them till a month ago.
  

  Thanks all!
• 

  tiki

  I think you really zeroed in on some good points. Hopefully he will think about the validity of your reasoning with him. Keep communicating with him on a no nonsense reasonable and realistic mode. The very fact that all that time went by and he didn't mention being a witness makes me think he may be a tad embarrassed at his religion...
• 

  ricsa

  @Tiki thanks for your response. I tried. I'll keep the conversations and hanging out to just chill and neutral, if somehow it does come up I'll entertain it. Surprisingly, seems open to discussions and questions on it, but closes off when I start to ask solid questions, that's all. Thanks again!
  
• 

  scratchme1010

  Any thing you can share as being JW?
  

  By your actions and attitude, you sound much worse. I wouldn't have you as a friend, JW or not.
• 

  Half banana

  Thanks for your contribution risca, JWs are messed up in the head so a logical response sometimes is hard to elucidate. The whole mind-set of a JW is bound by what the governing body of JWs determine and that includes many primitive superstitions including the condemnation of homosexuality.

  It may be useful as an outsider to wake your friend up by telling him just how far removed from normality he is. It has to be borne in mind that he takes enormous pride in believing what it says in the Bible as literal truth and by holding onto this delusion, (including condemnation of gays and lesbians) he thinks he will survive into paradise after all non JWs are killed by God. This is utterly paranoid!

  Jehovah's Witnesses have the worst kind of paranoia; it is systematically organised paranoia.
• 

  ricsa

  @ Scratchme1010, I did post on here and therefore negative criticism is taken, maybe I was judgmental however the intention was good. Friendship will stay regardless of religion from my part.
• 

  ricsa

  @ Half Banana thanks for your response. I did try to reason however I don't think it worked, I think it may have just annoyed him further, even though I was just trying to reason for his benefit, in my opinion. Maybe the way I did it seemed like an interrogation,things do escalate when you talk religion however it's fine now. What I have gathered from the responses here is it is best to just keep the friendship religion free as changing a mindset isn't possible unless a person wants to. There's enough bitterness between religions nowadays anyway.

  It's important to note what I've read is most peoples experiences with JWs come from them knocking on doors, mine wasn't, I've never had any experience with them prior. He initiated the friendship and stayed on knowing my "wordly lifestyle". I must say that is pretty unique to what I have read and for the most part he never said anything judgemental about it to me, or try to preach to me, to which I do respect.

  Friendship is staying regardless, however it's pretty big surprise to learn once you read up. I'll keep the hanging out/debates neutral and religion free, unless if he brings it up can we discuss it nonetheless. Either way he's a good chap, irrespective of the religion/thinking process.
  
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  moreconfusedthanever

  Some JWs will become your friend first. Make themselves seem just like everyone else but in the back of their mind is their intention of teaching you the "truth" and converting you.
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  Jrjw

  Moreconfusedthanever - a lot of jws I know recommend making friends with people first and then over time exposing them to tidbits of the truth and whetting their appetite. They say letting people see we're normal first makes people more likely to be receptive later
• 

  moreconfusedthanever

  Jrjw - exactly! Bit of manipulation to catch them unawares.