Can "Born-Into-Its" Ever Be Happy?

by Englishman 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • tsomski

    When we finally climb the wall and get to see the real side of our small world (WTS), either if we leave or decide to stay, things can get really really dangerous....I feel that I climbed that wall in a relatively young age (24) about a year ago...Having my personal reactions fresh in mind from that time I would be very interested to see this topic for discussion "how did you feel when you finally realized the "truth" about the truth".I am sure all of us have kept those emotions very well in our mind.As for the question of this thread I think the key to find happiness is not trying to "catch up" from all those lost years but to set goals as GaryB wrote.Also it is important to be very patient.Seeing the world as it really is we suddenly realize that for everything there are many scenarios....I personally was trapped in wanting to answer all my questions ASAP!The good thing is that getting away from the WTS time consuming system I was able to search some answers in my freetime and see that the key to understanding things is to let time guide you and show you the answers.

    ps1. This is my first post and I think now is the chance to say a big thanks to all the people in here, who spend their precious time wanting to share their thoughts,experiences with everyone who desires to read them.

    ps2 please forgive my poor English everyone but I am in the US only for 2 years!


  • tinkerbell82

    welcome to the forum! that was an excellent first post

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Welcome Tsomski

    Well I wasn't born into it (started at age 11) and wasn't an elder but rather the wife of one.

    Yes a lot of things get missed. But a lot can be made up for too.

    And a lot of people do go a little wild trying every forbidden thing - just because. (a teen-age rebellion thing)

    I left when I was 35. With two pre-teens in tow. It wasn't easy.

    But I found that being free to learn who I am and establish my own beliefs and values was a developmental process akin to the teen-age "Who am I?" stage. Part of coming out of a high control group is that we must get our thinking working again. Those who make decisions before acting on all the urges that flood them will make better decisions generally and I think their recovery will be smoother than those who get onto a self destructive path of anger.

    My sister is the latter. Her attitude seems to be "The JWs are right. I am bad. If I can't be a perfect good JW then I will be perfectly bad at everything else I do." As a result her life is a mess. She is stuck in the adolescent rebellion stage and it has a firm hold on her.

    I found that I have always tended to be a chicken about things (probably why I stayed so long). But the wisdom (hopefully) of being older helped me to make better decisions than my siblings. Going through that teen stage of self -exploration wasn't as difficult and gave me a clearer picture of the kind of person I was and how I wanted to be.

    Choices were not easy in the beginning. Many times I waited far too long to make certain decisions out of fear of making mistakes. But I discovered that most mistakes won't kill me (and I tend not to make too many of the kinds of choices that might have killed me)

    As a couple have stated - staying angry and resentful and dwelling on the losses keeps us stuck. I know I needed to be future-focused while living in the present. Regrets have never gotten me very far. However I have had to take a close look at some of the mistakes I made so that I could learn from them instead of cycling around and making the same mistakes again (I prefer to make new ones )

    As both an abuse and a cult survivor I know we can be happy. There is work to be done and therapy can and does help

  • tsomski

    The most difficult thing I think is to suddenly realize that you need a "bible study" from the beggining!!!!It is a big shock to see that Jw dogma's which we considered once core beliefs are simply man-made efforts to understand things, based on absolutely nothing...I was almost born in the "truth" and having a traditionally faithful family in the system I was a MS at the age of as anybody can understand not only did I not do normal things for that age (date,parties,etc) but I also felt pressure giving the good example to the rest of the youth's...Imagine how you can feel when they use your example from the stage of a convention.....The time when I started to wake up gradually was when I went to prison beeing a consience objector.....There beeing with young brothers all day I realized that we as an organization were not what we always boasted that we are....I would love to give examples from my every day experiences those 6 months but its not worth it at least for now.Returning to everyday life at the age of 20 and having so many new experiences in my mind I started seeing more and more how far we were from what is written in the bible.The peak was when the elders told me that I could no longer be a MS because of my bad attendance of the meetings and not good service (no mention about quality but quantity)...When I asked them to show me from the Bible why I wasn't qualified anymore to be a MS they could not answer and they were forced to arrange a new appointment.At the new appointment they explained the reason!!!I went vacation with 3 sisters and 2 brothers to an island and we were by ourselves!!!(by the way we had the time of our lives)....To make a long story short I was a scandal in the cong because of going vacation to an island but x elder was qualified although he owned a pastry shop and would sell birthday cakes,or christmas sweets and etc...The final hit came one night when I decided to see the other side...the side that we should never see....the side full of "lies"....I could never imagine how many things I could learn in 1 night!587vs607,1914,1925,1975,generation,pyramids.....and the list goes on......Imagine how it feels going to prison for your beliefs and learning that your "fathers" decide to become affiliated with the UN so they can use the library.....or the Malawi vs Mexico situation.....or the declaration of facts in 1934......All this + some family situations almost made me burn out emotionally but slowly slowly I found my way......To come again to our topic using my personal expriences I just wanted to point out that although it is absolutely normal to want to rebel after seeing the dark side of the moon in the long term it damages more.....Also living a decent life afterwards will help all those that are still in to understand that there is happiness outside of the glass cage too............

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Hi Tsomski, welcome to the forum. Some thought provoking posts mate.

    I am beginning to appreciate how lucky/clever I was by dropping out early (16). I can see myself in Tinkerbell very much. "relatively young. when i first left i went utterly wild acting out and having my adolsecent rebellion (better late than never) to my own detriment." except that I don't think that it was to my detriment.

    BTW, I am 50

  • seedy3

    Maturation?????? isn't that like doing the nasty by yourself. LOL

    In all seriousness, I was born in stayed in until I was in my early 20's, never made MS or elder, but I have had no problem being happy or getting over my Jdub days. I was a good Jdub kid, I never had any problems that the elders needed to talk to me, not even until my exwife and I split up. So I had no problem. But, now I question everything that is told to me that I am suppose to accept on "Faith" faith is not a reason, it is nothng more then an excuse for something no one can explain, so I guess that is the only thing a I hold over from my Dub-Days.


  • tazmaniac

    Hmm...I wasnt born into it either but my life was very restricted by a domineering father. So when I started studying at 18 and baptized at 19 it was like it was all I never knew or was. I married young and worked my way thru the "ranks". It is still hard to say how long it will take to be truly deprogrammed. My first year with a christmas tree was very tough. I got everthing set up and thought I was doing well, then I just broke out in tears. I still have the occasional "armageddon dream". It usually follows the theme of every armageddon-esque picture the society ever put out. I have only been out for 2 1/2 years. It would be nice if my brain was a simple hard drive and i could delete anything I want to. Well..just my 2 cents. Cheers all, Taz

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