Can "Born-Into-Its" Ever Be Happy?

by Englishman 46 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Englishman

  Just wondering....Take a 40 year old male ('cos he's an ex-elder!) who's been born a dub. He becomes disenchanted with dubdom and eventually decides to leave. Can that man ever reach the stage of being a balanced and mature individual?

  Think about it. He's been denied an adolescence. No furtive gropings to further his sex education, no rebellions, no underground music, no college parties, in fact he's beginning to sound positively boring!

  All his decision making has been done for him. His reading choices, his TV viewing have all been subject to a sanitising from Brooklyn. Even his opinions are not his own, and as for politics, what opinions can he possibly have.

  In short, hasn't his maturation, his personal growth, been so strangled by his upbringing that he will find it almost impossible to exist outside of dubdom?

  Won't he for ever be carrying an immature child inside his head for the rest of his life?

  Englishman.
• 

  tinkerbell82

  Won't he for ever be carrying an immature child inside his head for the rest of his life

  Well, being a born in myself, i certainly hope that's not the case. i guess it depends on how badly you want to grow up. i still feel (and act) like i'm 12 sometimes, but maybe you just have to get it all out of your system before you can move on. born-ins have a lot of catching up to do, i think, once they do make it out.
• 

  Englishman

  born-ins have a lot of catching up to do, i think, once they do make it out.

  Ah, so you think it is possible to make up for the lost years?

  Englishman.
• 

  Euphemism

  I think it matters a lot how early you leave. I'm sure I have an easier time, leaving at 21, than your hypothetical 40-year-old.

  I think it also matters how brainwashed one was. Some of us, even as dubs, tried to keep open our intellectual horizons, think for ourselves as much as we could, and avoid the rules that didn't make sense to us. So that would make the transition easier.

  And finally, I think that there's an important difference between someone like Tink--who was just going along to please her family--and someone who was a true believer.
• 

  undercover

  born-ins have a lot of catching up to do, i think, once they do make it out.

  That is a true statement. I know, I've been there.

  I fit E-man's description(cept I wasn't an elder). But even at my age, I'm not an old fart yet. I am trying to make up for lost time. But the problem is not to get carried away. That new found freedom may be fun and exciting, but it can get you into trouble. I've come close a couple of times. I have learned that I can have fun and do things that I missed out on, but moderation and responsiblity is the key. Most people my age learned that a long time ago. But I'm 20 years behind so I think I've learned fairly quickly how to party, have fun, but not to overdo it.
• 

  zev

  Just wondering....Take a 40 year old male ('cos he's an ex-elder!) who's been born a dub. He becomes disenchanted with dubdom and eventually decides to leave. Can that man ever reach the stage of being a balanced and mature individual?

  i thought for a minute that you were describing me! i'm 40-something, but never wuz an elderette.

  i sure hope so. at least i think so. yes, there are allot of hurtles to overcome. in time though, as in my case, you realize allot of who and what i am, i would have been weather or not i was a dubbette.

  i think i am recovering well, not patting myself on the back though. i base that statement on the person closest to me and how she see's me now. ask her for her opinion if you like. maybe she'll volunteer it for you
• 

  drwtsn32

  Yep, I agree with the other comments here... I think it depends on how long the person was in it, how much they believed it, etc. I hope to make a full recovery!
• 

  Valis

  Not just how much they believe, but also how much guilt they leave with. Also, I think how intelligent they are has a lot to do with it. Closed minded peoeple rarely change drasticaly, but those who want to be happy and create what resembles a guilt free life outside the borg, can make themselves better.

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  BluesBrother

  I was not exactly born into it, but I was a young child when we started attending

  Think about it. He's been denied an adolescence. No furtive gropings to further his sex education, no rebellions, no underground music, no college parties, in fact he's beginning to sound positively boring!

  Just because the rules dont allow it, does not mean that it does not go on. The music in particular was a longterm "Secret sin" . I wont elaborate on the other things

  You are right about the forming of opinions though. What a wonderful relief to be able to consider questions of ethics and moral behaviour , and not have to follow "What the Society have said on this"!!!

  Boring and mentally stunted? Yes probably - cant you tell from my posts?
• 

  onacruse

  I agree with undercover; our recovery is healthiest when it's balanced.

  However, balance doesn't preclude "taking charge of our own life" in an aggressive way. True, some of the emotional baggage will only slough off and heal with the passage of time, but a lot of it can be very deliberately and decisively thrown away. For example, learning how to trust in oneself to make independent and rational decisions can be as simple as saying "I'm not stupid; I'm not weak; I am going to trust myself, starting now." The first few steps will be a bit trepidatious, and it's only natural to seek the opinions of others, especially for major decisions (using myself as an example, http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/17/57063/1.ashx).

  I suspect that, in most cases, our recovery proceeds as fast, or as slow, as we make it. I'm still 'peeling the onion,' but there're already a whole lot of scraps on the floor.

  Craig (of the born-in-and-deep-in-for-48 years class)