Lonesome time of year

by road to nowhere 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • road to nowhere
    road to nowhere

    Cold, dark. Isolation on top of it this year. I am sick of sappy xmas music and tv shows.

    I always reflect on what religion has done to my family. Both the DF (who I do not shun) and the few stalwarts who defend the wt. The biggy is guilt about discouraging my son to get an education which helped push him out, now up against car trouble which I cannot do much about both by my lack of funds and the complications of modern cars.

    I have no tight friends now, and the dub ones have a solution: armageddon is soon here. BS. Health matters keeps my family secluded too, we cannot take a trip, or even barely eat out

    This happens every year and I am surely not alone.

  • waton

    at least you can anchor here. These stresses, no way out feelings can be devastating, probably going into your subconscious, your important restorative sleep, dreams. Try do see clear of that, something creative, remember this is the longest night, unless you are in OZZ, it is up from now until gorgeous June.

  • road to nowhere
    road to nowhere

    Thnks. This time of year I remember the 2 self righteous elders and 1 plain mean one who handled my son. No trading positions with them, I couldnt stand my self. I try to be kind and think matters through. My biggest fault is carrying the world on my shoulders. Even jesus couldnt fix things, and wont now.

  • waton

    Try to connect with nature and her forces as much as possible. try longboarding. snowboarding. walking through among trees, through park lands.

  • punkofnice

    I feel similar. I find Christmas impossible to get into - I think because of my Jobot upbringing. It's meaningless. I just can't get 'festive'.

    The music is unlistenable. Maria Carey shouting and not singing.

    Michael Buble singing on the off beat with notes in the scale but not the actual melody...unlistenable self important muck.

    That bloody stupid song about an alien where it seems like it's about to crescendo into something fantastic but stays bland and poorly written.

    East17 with that nauseating song that is more beige than a Kingdom Melody(tm). It has potential but flops like a wet turd.

    the same old muzak that makes we want to gnaw my goolies off gets pumped out every year. Like that vile load of crap by Paul McCartney...bloody terrible shite.

    Roady, I feel your pain.

  • just fine
    just fine

    Before I was married the holidays were lonesome, many times I went to friends houses and saw them celebrating with their families.

    Now it’s a time to relax and appreciate my family and friends. We buy presents for the kids in our friend/family group. We keep it pretty low key with no stress. The ex-JW family and I wonder at the joy the kids get from this time of year. It’s heartwarming to see and know they will never deal with the JW bullshit.

    Maybe start a tradition of planning or going on a trip or treating yourself to something special. There aren’t any rules for celebrating - you can do whatever you would like. Even if you only celebrate you!

  • truth_b_known

    Road to Nowhere:

    You are not alone. Here are two things that help me through dark times -

    1. Sadness cannot live in a grateful heart.

    I was 36 before I finally got out of the Jehovah's Witness religion 100%. I was already on estranged terms with my parents and one of my siblings. I have made it known that I will never return. As such, I am met with cold silence.

    However, I reflect on what good has come from it. I may be 1 years behind on my dream career, but I did get the career I wanted. Now I am about 5 years from retirement. I have had many wonderful experiences due to my job and it sure has provided well for my family and I. My wife and children are happier than we have ever been. Life is the greatest miracle.

    2. Every note of the song is the song.

    Imagine sitting in an orchestra hall. The conductor begins the concert. All the musicians play one note. Then they stand up, bow, and exit the stage.

    Me being a Witness for 36 years is like 36 notes of a song that may go on for another 56 notes. Many music teachers tell their students if the student plays a wrong note to just keep playing through the song. Not to worry about the mistake. Mistakes are how we learn. Our song has many more notes to be played and they all have the potential to be beautiful. We have no control over the past. Only the present. The present is the only place where we can live.

  • waton

    road to nowhere, your name says it all. looking at the other posts. while it is terrible to feel personally left out, why not just sense the excitement that is in the air at this time? the extra lighting? (wear plugs to muffle the truly awful music!) if you seek crowds at the mall. , enjoy nature, quiet, already preparing for the spring burst.

  • GrreatTeacher

    My prescription for the blues:

    1) Think: The shortest day of the year was yesterday. Every day gets a little longer with a little more sunshine!

    2) Do this: Follow the sun around the house during the day. Eat breakfast in a sunny window. Walk to the mailbox during the sunniest part of the day. Have an afternoon coffee break in whichever window is now sunniest. Enjoy the beautiful sunset no matter how early. Lack of sunlight can literally cause depression. Make yourself mindful of the sun and enjoy every day as it gets a little longer.

    3) Do this: Go drive around and look at the Christmas lights after the sun has gone down. This is the reason that people have celebrated with lights during the darkest time of the year throughout the centuries. We feel crappy in the dark and more joyful in the sunlight. Funnily enough, this was even allowed when we were growing up JW. And it was normally during the drives to and from the meetings that we looked and oohed and ahhed!

    4) Remember this: You did the best you could with what you had at the time. Forgive yourself for the way you raised your kids. Regret will eat you up. Consider having an honest talk with your son about this. I'll bet he would be most forgiving. At the least, you could figure out how to make amends. But, I really empathize with wanting to keep giving your kids everything. Mine is in college and is struggling which is its own burden. We're considering having him take out student loans. I'm still worried about his future career. Keep in mind, though, that the greater gift at this point is that the kids shouldn't be burdened with taking care of their parents in their old age. Keeping yourself solvent IS a gift. Hard medicine for me, too.

    5) Do this: Spend time playing with your pets if you have them. They aren't burdened by the past or worried about the future. They love you unconditionally right now, and you are the greatest person in the world to them!

    Best of luck,


  • Simon

    There's probably going to be a lot of people struggling this year, especially after the "novelty" of lockdowns has long since passed.

    Maybe check-in on someone you haven't been in contact with for a while - it's a perfect excuse just to say "hi" and that you are thinking of them, and it could make all the difference.

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