Shunning - Are Mothers Most Fanatical?

by Lostandfound 22 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Lostandfound

    On many posts by those with experience of DF or DA shunning, it look to me that the most fanatical observers of the shunning practise are Mothers, and when a person approached parents about their own doubts or intentions, approaching the mother the most daunting prospect

    Odd that Visiting Warwick leaflet has a picture of a meeting of some sort with a room comprising men only, given the subordinate role given to women, one might think they would be more liberal over shunning close ones, but not so.

    What drives this, is it grabbing an opportunity to be more visible by their loyalty, or low level of education of a lot of dubs so that the sisters blindly accept direction or authority

    I might have expected some kick back against the shunning practise by sisters giving evidence to their independence of thought.

    Our real thinkers here will be able to explain this fanaticism of loyalty better

  • zeb

    From what I have read on this forum wt mothers are by far the worst in shunning using every standover emotional blackmailing trick in the book.


    • it is an absence of education.
    • No creative outlet.
    • no position other than fetch n carry.
    • mostly not in the workforce so don't have the moderating effect of being around 'worldly' people.

    anyone like to add?

  • stillin

    Back when there were PO's the son of our PO was df'd. The mother still includes how "loyal to the fisfellowshipping arrangement" she is, years later. No contact. Nothing. But I have always suspected that the father has some contact. Just a gut feeling.

    And that's how it is in my house. My die-hard JW wife is a hard-nose about our daughter while I consider love and support to be part of my "necessary family business."

  • Fairlane

    I have to say it was the opposite in my case, my mother always was warm and welcoming despite my father torturing her mind . She did always have some words to try ' in her way ' to encourage me to look at an article in the literature, but was never forceful in her manner. She passed away quite recently a faithful jw. I spent a lot of precious time with her towards the end which she, despite suffering dementia thoroughly enjoyed. My father on the other hand would go out of his way to avoid me when he saw me at the care home, my mother despite her condition realised his behaviour which was always a sadness for her. So once again in my situation my father was worse.

  • kpop

    I would say it depends. I know already from discussing this and knowing my parents that if they ever found out that I was an apostate my mother would still support me, whereas my father would first physically attack me, then throw me out of the house and tell me to never show my face again. Yes, he is an elder and thinks of himself as very spiritual. I honestly believe that my mother has doubts so this could also be the reason.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I'd say it depends on which spouse is the "Alpha Male". There are many JW marriages where the wife is the Alpha Male, thus the saying: "He is Head of the Household, but she is the neck that turns it!" . . . . Doc

  • slimboyfat

    Worth bearing in mind that there is an overall preponderance of women among JWs: as much as 70% according to one census, if I recall correctly. That may be especially true of the baby boomer generation in particular. So there are many more single mother JWs or JW mothers with unbelieving husbands than the male equivalent.

    So the situation of disaffected JW children engaging believing mothers probably simply happens a lot more often.

  • blondie

    In many families the only jw parent is the mother.

    Mothers are held more responsible for the child's behavior even as adults. She probably gets more flak from her fellow believers.

    Fathers don't tend to be as open about their feelings....make it mom's job

    female jws resort more to passive-aggressive motions since they are not considered the head of the house.

  • IronSharpensIron

    I believe the women seek their own control in the organization due to the fact that they in reality have very little control over their own lives. For instance the super zealous pioneer sisters who have literally nothing else in their lives. That being said, I think when a mother is told to go against her strongest instincts to throw away a child, she has to really over compensate to convince herself that she is being right and put up a strong front. If it didn't bother their conscience so much they would not be so crazy about it. On the other hand, I think it depends also on what kind of person your mother/father dynamic is. If your mother is more controlled by the super JW father, although she may be a warm loving person, she will yield to him and his God given right to family headship. Or if the mom is a hard believer of her own she may do this on her own anyway. There's a lot of dynamism in the JW, and I think the more the mother is afraid of losing her family and being alone in the world, the more motivated she will be to shun the kid. Something has to give when you're living to such extremes.

  • just fine
    just fine

    My sister and her husband are horrible to their disfellowshipped child. She goes out of her way to be cruel. Even my very in parents think it is over the top, the way she acts. Her husband just goes along with her.

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