Wives With Unbelieving Mates

by minimus 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • minimus

    They are living a lie but being in the religion is living a lie too.

  • nonjwspouse

    The other way around is especially hard. The UBM as the wife. It isn't something I would wish on anyone, ever.

  • just fine
    just fine

    I just can’t see anyone allowing an organization to have that much control and input into your life - probably the reason I am no longer a witness.

  • DesirousOfChange

    If I was a guy I would use the whole headship thing every chance I could!

    I AM THE GUY! And it seldom worked for me, even when we were Diehard Dubs, if she put her mind to the other point of view.

    (And I'll admit, that often when she dug in her heels (esp the 5-inch ones) she was right. Which, you have to admit, is pretty amazing considering the smaller brain and all that. . . . . . ) SATIRE LADIES --NO HATE MAIL!

  • ShirleyW

    Back when I grew up my dad was an UBM, back then the Borg used to say if your husband expected a holiday meal then fix it for him. I remember as a kid around the holidays we used to either go to someone's home or my mother used to cook.

  • smiddy3

    In my experience in the organization male or female did what "THEY" wanted to do regardless of what the G.B /.Organization had to say and they would just simply rationalize what they did.And have no qualms about it.

  • nonjwspouse

    smitty3 doesn't it depend on the level of a congregations tolerance? some congregations , it sounds like , are more likely to be nosy, and tell on others.

  • shepherdless

    I am the “UBM”. I married a POMI that got dragged back into the Borg after having kids.

    One point I don’t think I have seen anyone mention, is that it seems to me that these days, the unbelieving partner is typically not dragged into the Borg. I have no stats to back that statement up; just anecdotal observation.

    For example, my mother-in-law was the one originally responsible for the Borg coming into the family. She brought my father-in-law into the Borg. Even though he was an elder for many years (but resigned on a feeble excuse some time ago) he has never once mentioned religion to me, and my suspicion is that he joined to keep the peace. I think that that is what happened a lot in his generation; not just in JWism, but in most religions.

    In my generation, it is quite common for marriage partners to not have the same religion, and the Borg is not getting the spouses like they used to. This in turn makes it much harder for the Borg to get their clutches on the kids, shields them from some of the potential shunning, etc.

  • slimboyfat

    Yes it's a curious feature of JW rules that they have not outright banned JWs from marrying non-JWs. For some other sects this is considered a DFing offence. (the Christadelphians for example, I believe) Especially since research seems to show that religiously divided marriages are very poor at passing on religion. It would seem to be in their own interests for JWs to make Paul's injunction to "marry only in the Lord" a DFing issue.

    One way to make sense of the historically liberal attitude of Watchtower on this matter is that JW (women in particular) marrying outside the faith has been a steady source of new members as JW wives often brought their husbands into the religion.

    But that approach may now have backfired as husbands are more likely to convince their wives and children out of JWs than the opposite these days. Another example of a feature of JW religion, which was once an asset, or contributed to JW growth, turning around and becoming a major liability.

  • Fred Franztone
    Fred Franztone

    The use of the term mate is creepy

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