Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting on here so I’m not sure where to start. I’m trying to keep it as short as possible since I could expand much more. I’ve been in the process of waking up in the last year and a half. I have been an elder for the last 20+ years, having been appointed at a young age. In addition to that I served as a regular pioneer. My wife and I never had children so that we could put the kingdom first. We sacrificed a lot. As a result of the zeal I displayed I have had and still have many “privileges” in the organization. I mention all these things not to boast about accomplishments that are worth nothing but to demonstrate how indoctrinated I was and pretty much believed everything the organization taught.
It’s been tough to realize how misguided I was, even though I’ve always had lingering doubts, but I kept trusting that the organization knew best. Well the time came when I couldn’t keep pushing those doubts to the back of my mind. So I started doing research with the thought that if the witnesses have the truth then why should the organization be afraid of us making sure of all things. The truth should be able to withstand anything that’s thrown at it. Truth is truth. Never did I imagine I would come to find out that most everything I had been taught was false! One of my first thoughts was that I’ve wasted all these years for nothing! I really wonder how many elders are in a situation similar to mine.
The joy has vanished from anything I do related to fs or meetings but I think I’ve done a good job hiding my true feelings, since I’m still an elder! It’s getting harder and harder each day that passes to do “spiritual” things. A lot of times during meetings I’m comparing the NWT with the Kingdom interlinear in jw app (this may not be the best interlinear but it has helped me a lot in realizing how the NWT is changed according to the WT’s interpretation).
The main reason I haven’t come out or faded is due to my wife because I want to help her. It would be hard to find someone with as much belief in what the gb says and also belief about the paradise as her. She is truly hard core when it comes to that. I’m trying to come out slowly to her and plan on using the bible for anything I discuss with her. Until now I’ve been able to show her with a few texts how disfellowshipping, as practiced by the Witnesses, is not bible based. Surprisingly she accepted that Dfing is incorrect! However, she went on to say that it doesn’t matter whether the practice is wrong, what’s important is we obey the brothers taking the lead. Guess what she said next? Yup, “Jehovah will take care of it sooner or later”. At that moment I tried coming up with a crazy directive we could receive from the gb to get her reaction so I said “ok what if the gb out of the blue says we can’t talk to Asian or latino people anymore even though that’s not Bible based?”. What she said next blew my mind. She thought for a moment then said “then we would have to obey what they tell us and I wouldn’t talk to them”. I kept my calm even though I wanted to scream! I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. It kind of left me speechless and couldn’t think of what to say. We left it at that and a few weeks have passed since then. I don’t blame her for thinking that way since that reasoning has been repeated time after time in her from an early age. We are to do what the gb says no questions asked. That’s all we’ve known.
I’m unsure where to go from here in terms of what to talk to her next. I’ve thought of reading Heb. 13:7, 9 because they show that those taking the lead “have spoken the word of God” (Dfing, as practiced by JWs is not the word of God as she admitted) and verse 9 states that we don’t want to “be led astray by various and strange teachings”. Does this seem like a good tactic or should I go on to another wrong teaching such as not celebrating birthdays, house to house not based on the bible, 1914, etc? She has no doubt that we need to follow the gb no matter what they say so somehow I need to help her understand that the gb is bogus. Help please!