Struggling a bit, guess it's to be expected...........

by dubstepped 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • DesirousOfChange

    Once you realize that the panda paradise, and the hopes that you hinged your future on were likely a fairy tale, it puts even more importance on living this life, not the next. There is only one life that I KNOW I have, and it is this one.

    Dubstepped, that's the issue that my wife is dealing with right now. Even though we awakened to TTATT starting 5 years ago and have been fading over 3 years now, it's just now smacked her along side her head that all the things she didn't do in life (to pursue the "Kingdom") are gone. It was a lie that she'd get to do all that later. NOW is all that any of us have and the time remaining is short. So, like Nike, Just Do It. . . . Doc

  • dubstepped

    Thanks for the kind comments. I think I just came here to put my feelings out there, maybe because misery loves company. Again, I've been feeling great since leaving for the most part. I have a lot to be thankful for. I think I've just been hit by a lot of stuff lately.

    Oh, I guess it probably didn't help that I just did an AMA on the Straight Dope forum about the dubs. Someone asked me to so I started one there. I think that it just has me in the frame of mind where I've been reflecting on a lot of things. That probably helped get me down and I didn't even think about that possible outcome. Then I met some other ex-dubs in real life. The whole Halloween thing got me thinking. Probably just a convergence of many things and a little JW overload for me with the PTSD that I probably have after all of this getting touched off. I'll be fine for sure. It's nice to vent a bit with people that understand.

  • LongHairGal


    If you got out at age 39, consider yourself lucky...Go out and do some of those silly things you were not allowed to do as a Witness child.

    I take for granted these simple things since I was not raised in the religion. I had my Halloween and Christmas, extracurricular activities, etc. But, they are more important than I thought. I especially love holiday season since it brings back memories of family, aromas of food and baking, colors, sparkle, etc.

    The Jehovah's Witness religion is a sterile vacuum and I'm so glad it's behind me.

    Go out and make yourself some great memories!!

  • GrreatTeacher

    If you don't feel comfortable with dressing up for Halloween, then don't do it.

    Be the cool guy that answers the door when trick-or-treaters show up and hands out the candy.

    Just watching their faces and allowing them to show offf their costumes is priceless!

  • LisaRose

    These things you are struggling with are very normal for someone leaving the religion. Cult mind control does not disappear just because you lost faith in the cult, it takes time. These fears were planted deep, on an emotional, not intellectual level, and you will have to work at teasing out and uprooting them. Be assured that reason and logic will win out eventually, although it may take a few years.

    In the meantime, don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. A lot of people don't necessarily like dressing up for Halloween, so you won't stand out because you don't. Let your wife enjoy it and just be an observer for now, hand out candy, if you feel like it, and just enjoy the simple pleasure of seeing the children in their costumes.

    It's a huge deal in my neighborhood, we get over 600 trick or treaters and we go all out, but that wasn't always the case. At first I was just happy to not have to turn out all the lights and hide out in a back room hoping no one would ring the doorbell like a good JW, I didn't start dressing up for five or six years. You may never get to that point and that's OK too, we all have different personalities after all.

    At least you understand why you feel uncomfortable with it, and that puts you ahead of the game. I am sure you will eventually come to terms with it all and make choices on current realities, not past conditioning. Some people seem to stay in a kind of limbo, not believing in the religion, but not fully embracing their new life either, and that is kind of sad, don't let that happen to you.

  • dubstepped

    Thanks guys. I think I've got Halloween figured out. I've been making lots of great memories. Not a problem. It just hit me that so much was taken from me and some things I can't get back, that is all. A person that was sexually abused as a child can't just go have better sexual experiences as an adult and act like it didn't happen. A person that was emotionally abused in a cult can't just go have healthier experiences and make it all go away either. I'm not wallowing in the losses of the past, just feeling them as they've hit me out of nowhere lately. It's all good. Like I said, I've had a fantastic time since leaving the dubs. I have so many friends I can't keep up with them all, have had many new experiences, celebrated my first birthday this year and my wife had a huge party with about 65 people present for her first birthday. We went to three Thanksgiving celebrations last year. We've really enjoyed life, the past just came up and bit me.

    I won't be around here for Halloween night or I'd love to hand out candy to kids. I really look forward to that next year. We are going to a Halloween party or two though the weekend before. That should be fun. I've got my stuff picked out for it that I'm comfortable with and purchased already. The Halloween thing isn't so much a problem as a catalyst for thinking about how the Borganization changed me and influenced who I became.

  • pale.emperor

    Dubstepped you are one of my fave posters and commenters. I remember when i first had doubts and written my stuggles on here while i was still in and you were there. When i was outed and asked for help you were there and when i left and went thru hell you were there. What's past is past and unfortunately we can only live for today and plan to live happy lives outside the cult. You have no idea how much you and others helped me. And im sure others would echo that statement.

    I can relate to all that your saying and its absolutely normal and understandable to feel that way. I myself keep having to stop myself slipping into thoughtstopping mode. It's messed my mind up and it'll take time for us to recover.

    Stay happy and stay strong.


  • Tallon

    @ Dubstepped

    Halloween ... trick or treat.

    I personally know of an experience here in the UK. This individual decided to 'trick' the kids in return.

    What this person did was cook some Brussel Sprouts and coated them in chocolate. So when the kids knocked on this person's door, he gave them some sweets and Brussel Sprouts ..... LOL

    So why not have a bit of fun too!

  • dubstepped

    Wow, thanks for the kind post Emperor. It's nice to know that our words help others. I've enjoyed following your experiences too. I just want the best for you and your kid.

    And Tallon, that's funny, as long as you aren't on the receiving end, lol.

  • GrreatTeacher

    That's funny. My husband also tricks the kids with a bowl full of broccoli. He says, "Take as much as you want!"

    Then he pulls out the candy dish. Such relief on their little faces.

    He also hands out miniature chocolate bottles of liqueur to the parents.

    Our house is pretty popular.

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