Somebody please tell me, funeral for a disfellowshipped child

by freein89 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • blondie

    Nothing is ever black and white. I went to a funeral recently for a DF'd brother who had committed suicide. While it was not at the hall and a brother gave the obligatory JW funeral talk, there were over a 100 JWs there besides non-JW people from the community. I guess it depends on the area.


  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    A JW took my dissed uncles' funeral at the crem. He didn't do the typical JW stuff. Heaps of JW rellies and friends there.

    Some of you seem to live in another world when it comes to treatment of DF and DA friends and family. It makes me wonder if some are being a little over-dramatical.

  • Mary
    What if the deceased was disfellowshipped? The congregation would generally not be involved. The Kingdom Hall would not be used. If the person had been giving evidence of repentance and manifesting a desire to be reinstated, a brother’s conscience might allow him to give a Bible talk at the funeral home or graveside, to give a witness to unbelievers and to comfort the relatives. Before making this decision, however, it would be wise for the brother to consult with the body of elders and give consideration to what they may recommend.

    Isn't that wonderful how the Borg is Judge, Jury and Executioner even after death? Who needs God or Christ as Judge when you've got these pricks.

    Deb, I'm sorry for your situation and I know how you feel. How the congregation will react just varies from place to place. When my one sibling died years ago, my other brother was DA'd at the time and after some from the Hall expressed their condolences to him, we got a call from our Prick Overseer the night we buried my brother, saying that my other brother shouldn't have been talking to anyone condolence from the bastard, just more judging. Both my sister and myself reemed him out royally for that and I basically told him he was a low life sack of shit.

    A person who has died has been "aquitted from his sins" and lets face it: what was this person DF'd for? Fornication? Not believing the Borg? What is "the unforgivable sin"? Although it's hard to put aside the horrendous way some Witnesses act when someone dies, take comfort in knowing the Jehovah isn't nearly as judgemental as these assholes.

    BTW Blondie, excellent point you made about Saul dying outside God's favour and he was still given a decent burial.

  • cruzanheart
    Some of you seem to live in another world when it comes to treatment of DF and DA friends and family. It makes me wonder if some are being a little over-dramatical.

    Black Sheep, I'm glad you've had a more benevolent experience than a lot of us on the forum, but I assure you that we are NOT being over-dramatic. When my father committed suicide this past February, I didn't even bother asking the elders about using the Hall. I did ask an elder friend of ours to speak at the service, which we had at Dad's retirement home where all his TRUE friends were, and he ended up backing out because he didn't like how we were doing the service: we told him NO OUTLINE TALK because we didn't want an infomercial, which freaked him out; we asked anyone at the retirement home who wanted to speak to do so, and the elder said that smacked of an "interfaith service" and he couldn't take part in that; and, horror of horrors, we had someone sing "Amazing Grace." A few Witnesses showed up, and about half of them left when they found out about "Amazing Grace." One person brought a load of "What Happens When We Die" brochures to pass out to the crowd, but I was able to intercept that and place them in the trash, where they belonged. We did have a friend who was a Witness (but not an elder) speak at the service, to tell about Dad and his hope, because that was very important in his life. The evil worldly people who spoke just told stories about Dad and how nice he was, and what a good friend he was. My husband and I got up and spoke (yep, a woman teaching!). It was a beautiful service, celebrating a person's life and mourning his absence.

    My father was not disfellowshipped when he died -- he was reinstated for almost a year but just couldn't take the rejection anymore. And that's just the facts, not an over-dramatization.


  • rocketman
    Saul died outside God's favor and had committed suicide yet he was given an honorable burial.

    Very good point Blondie. Of course, kindness, comapssion, and honor don't really enter into the jw mindset. All they think of is the fact that the person was df'd.

  • waiting

    Hello Deb,

    Thank you for letting yourself be known as a compassionate human being. You comforted old friends. It really doesn't have much to do with Christians/atheists/whatever.........just compassion for others.

    Of course, jw's turn it around and say they're showing "agape" (principled) love....but it seems that "agape" love is lacking compassion for fellow man.

    Someone above suggested getting a couple of people to go to the funeral with you. Not a bad could explain to them what his "spiritual family" the jw's, are doing to him, how he wept in your arms. Compassion might move them to offer moral support.

    I've never heard of any jw giving a talk at a df'd person's funeral. I've never even heard of them going to the funeral - or the funeral home.

    The WTBTS has taken a continuing hardening stance for families/friends with living df/da'd persons - totally cutting them off. Why should it be any different for funerals? No compassion - just cold, WT-warped, principles.


  • willyloman

    Nina: What a beautiful tribute you orchestrated for your dad.

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