To Continue the Theme of All Things Prince ... The Dirty Songs List

by Wild_Thing 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Wild_Thing
    Link is here.
    LINE OUTAPR 18, 2013

    "An Incomplete and Disorderly Catalog of Prince's Dirty Songs"

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    EDS NOTE: Says Slogger and Lineout-er, Violet DaGrinder, "I wrote a guide to Prince's dirty songs for a friend of mine, in honor of his tour, where he won't be probably playing any of them. I thought the Prince fan(s) at The Stranger might appreciate it."


    Cream—wherein Prince jacks off in front of a mirror

    Insatiable—wherein Prince cajoles you into making a sex tape, which he will definitely edit into something tasteful

    Electric Chair—wherein Prince tells you that what he has planned for you is technically punishable by death, in a sexy way

    I Wanna Melt With U—wherein Prince worries that he may have just statutory-raped you, because that's kiiiiind of a lot of blood, but as long you're cool with it, chorus verse bridge

    Keep reading!

    18 & Over—wherein Prince establishes some boundaries up front this time

    Sexy MF—wherein Prince just wants to talk, dummy

    Poom Poom—wherein Prince has been writing dirty songs for two decades and has completely exhausted the English language

    Slow Love—wherein Prince recommends quality over quantity, mainly because your pussy couldn't withstand the quantity that he is interested in

    Come—wherein Prince explains that orgasms (which he could provide!) will solve all of your problems in a universal-love kind of way, and isn't the ocean sexy?

    Orgasm—wherein Prince... I don't know, ocean, whatever

    Pheromone—wherein Prince misunderstands what pheromones are

    Solo—wherein Prince gets incredibly melodramatic about sex

    Hot Thing—wherein Prince asks if your smiles are for him, and you get the feeling that "smiles" might be a nudge-nudge-wink-wink kind of deal

    It—wherein Prince tells you what he thinks about a lot (it), and why (because you're good at it)

    Superfunkycalifragisexy—wherein Prince recommends drinking squirrel blood as an aphrodisiac prior to some seriously kinky shit involving ropes and guns and neon and office furniture... also, dancing

    Rockhard in a Funky Place—wherein Prince is very coy about his erection

    Ripopgodazippa—wherein Prince bangs some girl at the gym, I guess?

    Sex in the Summer—wherein Prince muses on the wholesome joys of a public babymamma up-skirt situation

    Glam Slam—wherein Prince sounds like he's being nasty, but in an obtuse artsy way that leaves you wondering if maybe you're the one with the dirty mind and now you're missing something deep... wait, WAIT... did he just say something about a BUTTERFLY CUMMING ON YOU? Ohhh, Prince.

    When 2 R in Love—wherein Prince refuses to settle for making only most of the panties drop

    Alphabet St.—wherein Prince tries to make "driving to Tennessee" a euphemism for orgasm but it doesn't catch on

    Delirious—wherein Prince details the volume of his ejaculate in a vaguely rapey way

    319—wherein Prince explores a fantasy about erotic photography and you get the feeling that this is a song he wrote in 15 minutes on some random Wednesday morning about some random Tuesday night that he had once

    The Continental—wherein Prince has phone sex with a teenager and reveals his poor understanding of astronomy

    Darling Nikki—wherein Prince meets a girl who is kind of a freak even by his standards

    Jack U Off—wherein Prince expounds on the joys of finger-blasting

    Tick Tick Bang—wherein Prince gets you all worked up with his tales of premature ejaculation, inspired by you, and you're welcome

    Mad Sex—wherein Prince remembers that one time back in the day when he used to have sex, OMG, a lot

    Head—wherein Prince lets you know the length of time for which he will eat your pussy, up to and including the time of your death

    Violet the Organ Grinder—wherein Prince grinds his organ, metaphorically

    Erotic City—wherein Prince cums on his own face while contemplating some sort of urban Madonna/Whore scenario, metaphorically

    Objects in the Mirror—wherein Prince is excited that he gets to put a load in your dryer, metaphorically, unfortunately

    Sister—wherein Prince suggests that it's not thaaaat weird to bang your sister

    One Kiss At A Time—wherein Prince discovers foreplay in 1996

    Sexuality—wherein Prince recommends sex as a good thing to try sometime

    Peach—wherein Prince spins a tale of a crazy fantasy world in which there is this one super hot girl who doesn't want to fuck a nameless miniature man in women's clothing who writes political statements on his face with eyeliner and shaves his beard into abstract art, WHATEVER, her loss

    Let's Pretend We're Married—wherein Prince portrays married sex in a wildly optimistic and, frankly, adorable fashion

    Gett Off (Damn Near 10 Minute Mix)—wherein Prince points out that you clearly need to get laid and then spends roughly ten minutes giving colorful suggestions regarding the details of how and where that could go down, were he to be involved

    Sleep Around—wherein Prince tells you that if you don't fuck your girl proper, he will surely get the job done on your behalf (again! haha!)

    P Control—wherein Prince uplifts and enlightens all members of the female persuasion by suggesting that they close their legs and open a book, think about it ladies

    Do Me, Baby—wherein Prince requests that you do him

    Let's Have A Baby—wherein Prince can't stop imagining what it would be like if your eyes were literally on an infant, and he can think of only one way to find out that involves his penis

    Good Love—wherein Prince wants to sing a really dirty song to you but your little sister is in the room or something so he has to be super cute about it, and fine, you can't deny that it's charming

    Hot Wit U—wherein Prince remembers that it's the late 90's and Eve is going to be there in five minutes and you told her that you wrote a duet for them, fuck

    So Far, So Pleased—wherein Prince gets a message from Eve reminding him that she is bringing Gwen Stefani with her, FUCK

    Baby Knows—wherein Prince wakes Sheryl Crow up and tells her that Eve and Gwen Stefani are about to arrive, and wonders if she could keep them busy while he runs out back to crap out a song or three, and she can

    Bambi—wherein Prince tries to convince a silly lesbian to reconsider her silly lifestyle choices

    Dirty Mind—wherein Prince blames the victim

    Wanna Be Your Lover—wherein Prince celebrates monogamy, but no pressure

    Private Joy—wherein Prince celebrates misogyny, in a sweet fun monogamous sort of way!

    Raspberry Beret—wherein Prince loses his virginity to a girl who is probably illiterate, but super cute

    Soft and Wet—wherein Prince describes in fairly general terms what pussy feels like

    Schoolyard—wherein Prince describes what a particular young lady's pussy feels like in such a way that you could, with some basic supplies from the drugstore and access to a microwave, conjure up this sensation for yourself

    Little Red Corvette—wherein Prince suggests that you stop being such a dirty whore and find yourself a good man to settle down with

  • Wild_Thing

    Hmmmm ... so evidently the category can't be edited.

    Can a mod or Simon this to the Adult section? Thanks!

  • smiddy

    Wild_Thing / KellyO

    This list should be sent to the G.B. @ WTB&TS `s HQ.and also his congregation he was attending just to remind them of his brotherly love , and his witness to the young and impressionable youth in the world..

    Just saying


  • alanv
    I think the obvious question here, is was he still singing these fairly disgusting songs as a witness.
  • Spectre

    Ah, the songs of my youth.

    Just listened to a lot of those again.

  • WTWizard

    Those were the good songs. I have the 1999 album on CD, after having had to throw away my vinyl copy (two records) of that album. The song Let's Pretend We're Married has the F word in it. I also have Purple Rain on CD, again having had to throw the vinyl copy away. This was the father of the Explicit Content warnings found on music these days. I also have Life in a Day and Sign O'The Times on CD.

    As for his "music(??)" he wrote after becoming a jokehovian witless, I will not waste the money or electricity buying it.

  • Wild_Thing

    Yeah, I think the title of this list should be All the Good Songs Prince Made Before His Music Sucked.

  • Spectre
    When he started doing his sorta rap stuff, that's where he lost me. Get Off and Sexy MF just wasn't my thing. Probably the last song that he did (that I heard anyways) that I really liked was Seven. I didn't see it in the theatre but I bought the dvd of Graffiti Bridge. I think The Time had the only song on that thing that was worth listening to. I gave away that dvd the next day. I love the music from Under The Cherry Moon though.
  • talesin

    1999! What an orgasmic celebration of hedonism. "Baby, you're much too fast." Always made me feel like dancing, even on my worst days. x

    ** still does! : D

  • Wild_Thing
    My personal favorite has always been Pussy Control.

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