Difficult to internalize that all the connections are gone

by truthseeker 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • truthseeker

    I was in my old stomping ground a couple of months ago and happened to be walking past the home of an old family friend. Word is in the hall that I used to go to is that "I am one of them" meaning apostate. No one from my old hall has contacted me to find out what happened. I've know this person and their two children, both now adults, for over 30 years. As I walked past the home I was reminded of the many times that my family and I were invited over to their home for dinner, BBQs etc. - and there is that awareness that those relationships, friendships etc, however you define them, are now over. I will never be welcome in that house again - ever. And I spent many occasions round there in my childhood.

    It's a strange feeling when once you leave you can never pick up from where you left off. I would never go back of course but I do miss a lot of the folks there.

  • iwasblind

    Hey truthseeker

    It was the greatest shock for me that out of "brothers" I have served with for many years and helped personally, some I considered really close friends - none contact me to even say "thinking of you".

    It can hurt, I wish you all the best just let the feelings be what they are and the hurt goes. I have to remind myself that they only know conditional relationships, and that they are emotionally limited.

    My goal for this year is to find some real connections and friendships.

  • jookbeard

    those moments never leave us, from the old KH I was in as a baby to the many friends,associates parties gatherings, assemblies etc, they are defining moments in our life.

  • Giordano

    On the other hand how many of us have moved and lost contact with our old neighbors, close school and work mates?

    I went to school with people I knew for 6 to 8 years and when we went on to higher learning or jobs the relationships ended.

    Long term friends who are not relatives are very rare.

    Yes, the memories are bitter sweet. But It's not just a JW thing....... it's also a human thing.

    Relationships are centered around one's family or tribe because of common interests.

    I pioneered where the need was great and formed many relationships......until my wife and I left the 'truth'. I never expected that those friendships would continue. My past as a JW did not define me. My future did and continues to do so.

  • scratchme1010
    No one from my old hall has contacted me to find out what happened.

    That's how you know you made the right decision.

  • truthseeker

    Thanks all for your comments.

    It's difficult but I have moved on and made new friends. Every so often I get a reminder of days gone by.

    It's just with old witness friends and acquaintances, it's so final. At least with old school friends, you can contact them years later and catch up, but with the witnesses it's impossible. And the reason isn't that you've fallen out, it's that you've left the religion.

  • LongHairGal


    Yes, sad all those JW connections are gone. But, you had more connections or memories than I did it seems...It is also true that you can at least contact old school friends (and I did) whereas you cannot do this with the Witnesses: once you are out whatever you had was over.

    I'm very glad though that I walked away from this vacuum of a religion. I re-established contact with my relatives before it was too late. This was priceless.

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    Yes, Truth seeker I know the feeling, out just weird that they don't even ask, don't even TRY to help. They have been made to fear the "bogeyman"...

    All of a sudden and it seems they have no brain.

  • zeb

    Family I shared life with have phoned me twice in 20+ years on both occasions to ask for some ones phone number.

    Others when you come across them say

    "I haven't seen you in ages!" to whom I answer

    "Im still in the same house."

    Move on with your life and keep in mind that with jw if you are not in their face you don't exist. Does this bother me, no not really as I have my life to get on with and good things to do.

    I don't need the stilted convo of people scared to speak unless its along the 'party-line'.

  • smiddy3

    I hear you truthseeker

    I hear you Giordano

    You both make valid points and while I have made attempts to connect with long time JW associates (I refuse to call them friends anymore ) a couple I had success with at the time however they never contacted me back ,I have never tried to connect with friends when we were children or close school mates that I grew up with.

    And I have had regrets about that too at some degree.{ Apparently they haven`t tried to contact me either }

    I guess that`s life and we all just move on to the next chapter in our lives.

    Their is a section in our Sunday Newspaper titled "Desperately Seeking" that i always read ,who knows ?

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