Reason's why it is so difficult to leave

by Truthexplorer 19 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Truthexplorer

  1. Concerns about the effects it would have on yours and your family's social life.

  2. Fear of being shunned

  3. The Stress it will cause

  4. The thought of feeling isolated

  5. You want to avoid rocking the boat for rest of family members

  6. You need your faith (Christian) - but where do you go?

  7. The worry of making a fool of yourself ie fade and then go back - perceived as fickle

  8. The impact it would have on your family - arguments etc

  9. Missing your friendships

  10. Missing routine ......Note: I hated my life before being a witness, I smoked canibas, felt down alot of the time ( mild depression) and hung out with the wrong people. I am older and maturer now and jw standards are now ingrained ie I hate foul language etc, general bad behaviour etc. The routine helps me remain somewhat good I suppose.

  These are the thoughts that run through my mind constantly. The only way I can think of making a clean break is if we as a family moved home to another area and just fade. That is the only solution I can think off.
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  fastJehu

  
  

  Truthexplorer
  These are the thoughts that run through my mind constantly. The only way I can think of making a clean break is if we as a family moved home to another area and just fade. That is the only solution I can think off.

  This worked well for me.

  If this move gives you and your familiy "freedom" - got for it.

  
  

  
  

  
  
  
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  The Searcher

  Some/all relevant reasons for faders. Personally, I would gladly discuss everything I've found with anyone & everyone I know in the org, but I control my overwhelming need to do so for my wife's sake. She's "out" too, but gently "feeds" her family whom she doesn't want to lose.

  Your family could gently fade in your present congregation, and just accept being branded as "spiritually weak." Doing so would make some/all of your "friends" in the congregation distance themselves from you, for fear of being contaminated with your "weakness." Also, and much easier to deal with psychologically, the elders' attempts to "help" you. Simply say "private & personal issues to deal with, but thanks for your concern. We'll let you know if things change."

  Moving home (if feasible) is a great way to start again - even if only to change congregations and immediately go "cold-turkey" for field-service & assemblies, and only attending meetings every few weeks or months.

  Whatever works for you and your family.
  
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  konceptual99

  I agree in principle with the reasons and the overall philosophy of "whatever works". I am in the situation of a long, long fade and see my own rationalisation in much of what has been posted above.

  The problem I have with myself is that I basically feel that now I am simply not being true to myself and my family. I'm not really pushing my real feelings and essentially I am being dishonest with myself and those around me. Right now it feels like a limbo and the person responsible for it is me.

  For example... the other day my wife and I had a meal out and one of the courses included black pudding. I had no problem eating it yet my wife said nothing. She's not challenged me on it at all. I think she is accepts that my lack of belief in the blood policy but does not want to discuss it as it will lead on to a much larger discussion. The time and place might not have been right for us but now this is just something in the past. She's not challenging it and I'm not using it as a chance to open a conversation.

  In the meantime I keep the peace with irregular meeting attendance and never upsetting the apple cart with our friends and family. Whose the fool? Whose not getting what they really want?
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  Xanthippe

  Truth explorer I agree in principle with making a fade work for you but a lot of your concerns are about what other people think of you. Who cares what others think of you, live your life.

  10. Missing routine ......Note: I hated my life before being a witness, I smoked canibas, felt down alot of the time ( mild depression) and hung out with the wrong people. I am older and maturer now and jw standards are now ingrained ie I hate foul language etc, general bad behaviour etc. The routine helps me remain somewhat good I suppose.

  If you were depressed before the JW life and the routine makes you feel happy and 'good' this is the crux of the matter. You need to tackle your depression and why you need a group to tell you how to be a good person. Perhaps you need your own routine that makes you happy, a good diet, exercise, hobbies, friends outside the cult.
  
  
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  questioningmyfaith

  I agree with a lot of these but my biggest fear is that I'm wrong
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  pbrow

  You sound like I did.. that is to say, you sound like a born in. If the gb had any doubt their model of indoctrination is not working they have only to look at your list and realize that it is running at peak efficiency. Your list exemplifies the fact that you have fallen for what THEY want you to think is important.

  I have said it before... the watchtower is awesome at creating adults with low self esteem. Your first step in rectifying this is to get the fuck out. There are many excuses for not leaving. There are very few excuses that hold any weight against the weight of becoming your own true self.

  pbrow
  
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  millie210

  Thats a great list. Im sure all of us relate to some of the concerns you listed.

  I am doing a very slow fade. I employ several JWs and so far i is going well. My last meeting was Memorial but if I have a reason to go to the KH I will.

  I can see why the structure and routine are important to you. I tend to chafe at structure and routine so for me it is a relief to let that go.

  Once I was "awake" I spent some time observing the JWs who seem to thrive. Not the leaders or super achievers - they seem miserable and/or artificially happy. I was more intrigued by the ones who seem to be content and at ease.

  The one thing they all had in common is they are using the religion as it suits them. They do the parts they want and dont do the parts they dont want to.

  I guess its like the song says "Take what you need and leave the rest..."
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  DJS

  Some see barriers where others see opportunities. The barriers typically are imaginary. The opportunities are real. I left the DarkTower and the oppressive control of the DarkLords over 2 decades ago. I've never looked back. You may lose some family relationships; otherwise, everything else you've posted is completely and entirely up to you.

  Make new friends. Behave yourself. You don't need a religion of any kind to do that. Make good decisions. You don't need a religion of any kind to do that.

  If you are so weak and pathetic that you can't: make new friends; behave yourself; and make good decisions without the control of the DarkLords then stay. By all means stay.

  But the barriers are all between your left ear and your right ear. If you set sail at full speed for the horizon, you won't fall off the edge of the world.
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  scratchme1010

  I'd add one more to the list, which is the reason why some of the JWs I knew who were near me stayed:

  They continue to believe in "jehovah". As disappointed as they are about every single thing that surrounds them in the organization, they still believe that they have to stick with their deity.