Sorry, two posts in a day..but I need to vent something: so far my experience with "worldly" guys has not been the best 1. My first guy experience was with a dude who left state and never came back 2. A coworker asked me to Netflix and Chill and I did 3. A guy wanted to sext me all the time but never took me out on a date and I did 4. A guy who took me on a great date but then asked me up to his apartment immediately after and then didn't call me after 5. Finally, another great date, until after the guy texted me asking for nude pics..told him no! So basically I've concluded that I had been giving off a vibe that I had no self respect and that was confirmed by me allowing them to use me as a sex object..but I'm hoping that not all worldly guys are like this, and when I start acting like I have self respect, they will treat me like that too? Is that a good assumption? I'm just so dumb when it comes to non-JW guys.
My Experience with Wordly Guys
You need to decide what you're comfortable with sexually and set firm boundaries.
Most men will continue to pursue sexual escalation until you firmly indicate you're unwilling to go any further. This was probably not an issue with JW men, but that's the way the real world works. If you're unprepared for this reality or if you freeze up and don't set limits, men are likely to continue to escalate the encounter.
Does that mean they view you as a sexual object? Not necessarily. Some women are very openly sexual and have no hang ups with having sex on the first date. If that's the case, you won't find many men who'll refused to oblige if she's willing. It's up to you to indicate what you are and aren't comfortable with.
Best of luck to you.
Oh and the dick pic guy sounds like a total loser. Stay away from him.
It does get better. When I first left my experience was much like yours. I think you are in the right track - once you love and respect yourself you will attract people who will love and respect you too.
After all of my escapades, I met my husband. We have been married for 15 years, and he is still my best friend. He was never a witness - thank god - and has been my biggest ally in healing from the cult.
Not all worldly guys are jerks, but they are human and have their own baggage. But don't be used, you are worthy of love and respect. When I was a JW I never felt loved or respected so it was difficult to learn. We were taught to put up with others treating us poorly, and to think we deserved it.
be kind to yourself as you find your way. Make mistakes, learn from them, move on.
Thank you Just Fine (: It's hard when you have no one to talk to about these things...but hearing experiences like yours helps so much!
You must be totally hot!!!!!
N stuff.....hee hee☺
Oh the fun I had - crazy, wild, stuff I wouldn't even believe now - if I hadn't of had a front row seat to it! It took me a while to find balance. I joined some rec league sports - I had never played organized sports before and it was a blast. I met some really great people there.
i started college - mixed results meeting people there :-). Volunteering at the animal shelter was good too. Those things helped me to gain perspective and balance, and find purpose.
Enjoy your freedom- while I am not proud of everything I did back then - it all led me to where I am at now - which is pretty damn good.
"I'm just so dumb when it comes to non-JW guys."
I'm a guy. Guys are guys. When dealing w/them don't distinguish between JW and non-JW
It "takes two to tango". So, the first thing is you must honestly ask yourself if you were willingly seeking sexual experiences, or if you have what are apparently very low standards.
It's only my opinion. But, as a female you need to be much more careful. Sexually transmitted diseases are rampant. Especially if you are of child bearing age. Your health ,well-being, and future happiness are at stake.
Please, I'm not trying to be rude or judgmental, but didn't your parents or any sibling brother(s) teach you about boy-girl relationships?
There's a lot to be learned. So, if you have any decent guys (eg siblings, relatives, decent guy friends, etc) ask them to teach you about how guys think and for help in settings standards.
I know I tried to teach my sister and then later on I still continue to teach my daughter about guys.
My personal opinion is that a girl should not have sex with a guy unless she has first determined, over time, that this is a guy she could see herself as married to.
And, of course it goes without saying that you need to be using birth control measures.
You have been used and abused. Stop it, please. A truly decent guy would never have used you that way!
Good luck, change your ways.
You are just in the process to find the right match and you have a very little experience with interacting with non-JW men. It will take a time to understand the vibes, interests, intentions, and outcome. This does not show naturally in first date or first interraction.
Ask yourself what do you want (?)
Accept no less. There are billions of men out there. The world is your oyster.