need input: My older son has an interesting theory as to why my wife has her head in a watchtower 90% of the time

by goingthruthemotions 22 Replies latest jw experiences

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  goingthruthemotions

  I am still having issues with my still in wife. My two son's and i don't want anything to do with the cult. our marriage is a battle ground all the time. lately i don't even talk with her no sleep in the same bed. Strangers living in the same house.

  she knows exactly how i feel about the borg, i have told her many things: ARC, united nations, Beth Sarim, showed her the prince of peace book where it says the jesus is the mediator only for the 144,000, you name it i have told her plenty of apostate stuff.

  the suprising part is i feel none of this is making a dent.

  she treats me and our sons like shit, not affectionate (not that she really ever was...i blame on being brought up in a cult)

  Anyways, My older son came and said. " have you noticed lately that mom is always reading a watchtower and jw stuff, and i said yeah and i hate it. he said, do you think she is doing this because all the stuff you told her and me telling her i don't agree with the religion is making her question her beliefs?"

  i said, i don't think so. i believe she is getting deeper and deeper because as a family we don't want nothing to do with the cult.

  but, what do you all think.
  
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  prologos

  Distancing yourself from your wife is wrong, why would wt weirdness make you separate beds? If she reads wt literature, great, it is full of gems that prove the religion wrong. Mondays text: "--Jehovah's name people" in the first century? pardon me? " they were called by divine providence Christians" and continued so until 1931. Use her reading material to show that you have the truth, insight about her so-called truth.
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  goingthruthemotions

  Hi Prologos, unfortunately that doesn't work. i have tried to show her the inconsistancies, she is just so brain washed that she doesn't want to hear it.

  i wish she would question her beliefs, this sucks so much!!! i hate this cult !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
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  prologos

  i wish she would question her beliefs,

  be careful, that is why I suggest keeping it to doctrinal error. do not ask her to question her belief in marital fidelity, because separate beds in some quarters are justification for obtaining outside help.
  
  
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  neat blue dog

  I know when I first heard all the usual apostate stuff you mention, I went in to zealous mode and read more WT publications in a shorter time period then I ever had. I was reading everywhere, at home, at work, in bed, taking notes. However, it was with an apologist's eye, to MAKE it all be true. Because I was constantly defending the religion and spouting historical rarities and statistics, other JWs admired me and thought I was just extra spiritual or something, but I was really in defense mode, clinging to 'the truth' while subconsciously refusing to admit to myself that I knew it wasn't. After some years of this, I experienced about a year of vacillation, a mental tug of war that was leaving me internally exhausted. Then seemingly suddenly, I accepted where I stood: this was not the truth. All in all this process took me about seven years.
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  goingthruthemotions

  i get what you are saying on that subject. right now it is just so frustrating. but, with her being so brainwashed, she doesn't have the mental capacity to even understand any doctrinal information. she is smart in alot of things, but when it comes to this, all mental capacity goes out the window.
  
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  scratchme1010

  she treats me and our sons like shit, not affectionate (not that she really ever was...i blame on being brought up in a cult)
  

  I think this part I relate to (although I am not in a heterosexual marriage with two children, please read on). This is how my mother used to behave. She had no problem being a total b to her children and husband.

  Something that helped me was using her own nonsense against her. My father did the same thing. "I'm not a JW but I'm still the man of the house". If showing all the doctrine flaws that the WT has in their teaching and their actions doesn't work, maybe putting in practice an emphasizing all the crap that women in the JWs have to put up with just for being women may help her open her eyes. Every time that there's a disagreement remind her that JW or not, you are still a man, and the man of the house, and according to the JWs, she have to be submissive to you. You are the one running the house and she has to follow according to the JWs, and if I remember well, for as long as you don't interfere with her JW nonsense, she must obey you.
  

  She cannot pick and choose which JW doctrine she will follow in the house. Some manipulative people do that --it, some people are JWs only for what is convenient to them.

  She is hurting the family, her own children. Something should be done about it.
  
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  neat blue dog

  I know a female relative of mine, when it comes to doctrinal information, she will believe absolutely ANYTHING the org puts in print. But when it comes to moral issues, like treating people unlovingly, being dishonest, putting rules and technicalities above people, etc., It's THAT kind of stuff that opens her eyes (albeit not all the way yet) and starts to get her riled against the org.
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  zeb

  see pm
  
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  berrygerry

  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

  http://www.hgi.org.uk/resources/delve-our-extensive-library/society-and-culture/exploring-cult-culture
  

  Why people join cults
  “Cults form and thrive,” says Deikman, “not because people are crazy, but because they have two kinds of wishes. They want a meaningful life, to serve God or humanity; and they want to be taken care of, to feel protected and secure, to find a home. The first motives may be laudable and constructive, but the latter exert a corrupting effect, enabling cult leaders to elicit behaviour directly opposite to the idealistic vision with which members entered the group.

  But cults, because they only serve the leader, exploit and pervert that useful habit and, to establish and maintain itself, does everything possible to destroy family ties, and any other secure and conventional anchor in a person's life. This has the effect of strengthening a member's bond with the cult and its leader. From this viewpoint, the cults that promote celibacy and the cults that encourage indulgence in sexual promiscuity are seeking the same ends — the destruction of normal family life and the substitution of dependence on the cult group authority. Although ordinary institutions in our society do not yet directly seek to destroy family ties, 'nanny state' interference may be having a similar effect.
  

  http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/helping-someone-leave.php