The point at which you think this may not be the truth

by LevelThePlayingField 22 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • LevelThePlayingField
    I remember one of the nights that I found out the truth wasn't the truth, that is after finding out about the United Nations, I remember riding my bicycle from like 1am till 5am in the city night. It was rather chilly, maybe about 55-60 degrees and I was playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album in my earbuds. Just riding and riding, not really tiring because of the thought that 7 men in Brooklyn had duped me, duped me for like 20 plus years. How could this happen? Where did I go wrong? Why didn't I see it from the beginning?

    How could they? How could they commit this treason? This treason of being in bed with the United Nations for ten years? At the time, it hadn't dawned on me that they really didn't care at all. At that time in 2013 I thought that they were still a caring group who had my best interest at heart, or I thought that it just had to be that way. How could they be any different, for in fact, to me, they were the ones representing the faithful and discreet slave for 20 plus years. In my mind I was thinking, "they just really effed up on this one...." But some how I knew that really wasn't the deal. They more than effed up. They did this United Nations thing on purpose and in my mind I just knew, I just knew it.

    But how do I rationalize it? How do I make it make sense? Why doesn't it make sense, after all they are the faithful slave? So I just rode and rode, crying sometimes. Why just why? How could they? But they did, and did for 10 years. It was deliberate.

    Now I need to look at them differently. And I think it was at that point that I crossed over a line that I have never come back from. I never looked at the men as the faithful slave the same ever again. It was at that time, for the first time, that I said, 'maybe they are actually not from God.'

    And the rabbit hole was before me. Do I dare go down this hole? What if I find out that this isn't the truth? How in the world will I make sense of anything if that's the case? How will I do this? Can it be done? What if I'm wrong? Now what?

    But I must go on, I have to. I asked God that night to show me the truth, no matter what. Good, bad or ugly. And over the last four years he has shown to me that the truth as JW's know it isn't the truth. And now, I know. Now it's so simple.

    All the times I used to cringe when someone on this site would say that they are a cult, I thought, no, don't have to go that far. But now after 4 years I have nothing to say but yes, if you study the whole religion and really pay attention to everything, you too will see that they are indeed a cult.

    Wow, what a difference four years can make. So now what? I still have faith in God, but not the JW way. I am much happier now, and much freer now. I have nearly mo mental, in fact no mental problems anymore. I don't have a guilty conscience about any thing, but yet still live a moral life. I used to have a guilty conscience about making money. Now, today I made time and a half for working on July 4th and loved it. I said, "happy 4th" to many people, and they replied the same back to me. It all made sense, good sense. I feel good working. I used to feel guilty for working and not being in field serve-us. Then when in field service I would wonder how I would make the bills. Now, I rarely turn in time, and it feels really good. It feels good to feel good.


    Thanks faithful slave for being so hypocritical. Now I have my life for me and not you! What a wonderful life I have in front of me.

    My only regret is that I should have found out much earlier.

    So, the next time you see a guy on a bicycle, maybe he's riding to reconcile the truth about the truth, who knows...

    As Pink FLoyd would say, "Us and them. And after all, we're only ordinary men..."
  • waton

    On a bike, riding you are in balance, daring, you can do a wheelie.

  • venus

    I had my first doubt during memorial service. Jesus' death specially benefiting only a few just because they were born before and after certain year did not make sense to me. Once this was in doubt, them many other things started one by one ...

  • Chook

    Rereading Crisis if conscience and realising that Jws lost lives in Malawi on a man made rule. Then thinking is Jesus behind all of this.

  • pale.emperor

    For years i always said "if this isn't the truth, it's the closest thing to it" or "if the JWs are wrong, Christianity is wrong. There is no other Christian religion" oh how misguided i was then!

    For me it was when my then-wife was in a mental hospital for manic OCD, self harming and attempted suicides (yes, plural). And i was looking after my daughter one on one. I was going through a lot already with work, taking time off, hospital visits etc and the elders still expected me to make every meeting, every ministry and answer up and study. Yet i had no friends in the KH and it was like a big popularity contest to fit in. I remember thinking how nice it would be to, just once, have a lie in. Have a day where i didn't have to work or do something JW related like ministry or the KH. I wasn't happy in the religion and knew many people who were never JW or exJW who were a lot happier.

    So i started questioning what a follower on Jesus is. Going only by the bible. As far as i could see it had nothing to do with meeting attendance and everything to do with me and my conduct and beliefs. So i made a real effort to expose myself to all sides of the arguments. So-called "apostate" sites, Mormonism, Born Agains, Christadelphians, Catholic, Church Of England, Lutheran, Seven Day Adventist, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoist... i studied them all.

    Started reading Crisis Of Conscience, got a third of the way in one day i took my little girl to the park and it just hit me. This isnt the truth. It never was.

    The rest you can read on my very first post. Never looked back and im immeasurably happier.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    LTPF - your feelings and emotions are so true for many of us here - and around the world. The initial reason for awakening varies from person to person, but that first step has impelled most of us to search & discover conclusive proof that the WTBTS never was, and never will be, "God's earthly organization."

  • snugglebunny

    At the group study. Learning about Ezekiel's vision about wheels with eyes in the rims. What??? Was I really basing my life on some old guy's nonsense dreams 1000's of years ago? I never went to another meeting after that.

  • Gorbatchov

    Yep, for me the (constant) bookstudy of Revelation book and the Isaiah, Daniel and Jeremia fantasy history books together with the 1995 change of this generation was too much to stay in. Since then part of the fading class.


  • scratchme1010

    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm sure that like you, there are others lurking and reading and maybe thinking critically for the first time in their lives.

    All the times I used to cringe when someone on this site would say that they are a cult, I thought, no, don't have to go that far. But now after 4 years I have nothing to say but yes, if you study the whole religion and really pay attention to everything, you too will see that they are indeed a cult.

    This, in my experience, has been a rather common occurrence, and not only with JWs, but with the public in general. There are many misconceptions about what cults are, so many people react when they use that label to identify any group that they belong.

    I'd suggest to research more about those groups and how they are, as there are different types of cults, there are different levels of harm that they cause, and there are also different types of things that people have to recover from. That can help you gain more perspective (that is, if you still need to).

  • James Jack
    James Jack

    Thanks for being honest in your feelings and letting us in to your life story. Keep us up to date on your progress.

Share this