I need food for thought..

by raven 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  raven

  Hi friends,

  It has been 20 years that I've slaved for the WT and through out the past couple of years I could feel myself fighting an urge to accept that something was not right. I fought it off for so long only for it to resurface frequently throughout my years of pioneering, assembly/convention parts, & speaking with people about the "truth", slaving and giving to try to be a "spiritual person" but in reality I was not SPIRITUAL because spirituality (according to the org) is doing all of the things THEY want you to do. Which then will label you as spiritual... NO !!!

  I feel myself becoming more and more frustrated and upset by this not because of my public reproof and the humiliation that has come with that. BUT because I feel like I know NOTHING, I want so badly to be spiritual and come to know God and Jesus..
  

  Friends if you have anything that has helped you to research, read, study, and delve into regarding the JW doctrines, scriptures, anything that will help me to solidify that this isn't right? Am I beginning to "wake up" as some would say, am I starting to realize the truth about the truth? OR am I just being blinded by Satan's influence...? I'm so confused.. Being apart of something from BIRTH is so hard to escape from when it is the only "spiritual" teaching I know..

  Feeling very depressed right now,

  R
  
• 

  cofty

  Hi Raven

  I think you have to begin by deciding how radical you are prepared to be in scrutinising your beliefs.

  After I left I made the common mistake of unconsciously giving special protection to certain core ideas. It took me another nine years to realise I had just swapped one set of dogmas for another.

  Please have a look at the OP in this thread...

  Remember there is no hurry. My advice would be to focus on career, education, hobbies, building new friendships etc. It takes a long time to investigate the big questions objectively.
• 

  Landy

  Only you can decide what's right and wrong for you.

  You will get a lot of views on here and they will be diametrically opposed to those you get in tne KH.

  Only advice i can give is that if it doesn't 'feel' right now, tnen it's unlikely to 'feel' right in ten years time.

  And by then you'll be ten years older.
• 

  cofty

  if you have anything that has helped you to research, read, study, and delve into regarding the JW doctrines, scriptures, anything that will help me to solidify that this isn't right?

  I'm going to link to a couple of my own threads. Both of them demonstrate the organisation are wrong even if we assume the bible is inspired.

  The Watchtower are Right About Blood, But ...

  Why They Got it Wrong About Blood Using Only the NWT...

  Jehovah's Witnesses View of Jesus Compared to the Early Church...
  

  Please let us know if they are helpful.

  You should also browse the vast resources at JWFacts.com
• 

  OneEyedJoe

  jwfacts.com was by far the most influential source of information for me. Everything is clearly laid out in black-and-white.

  I can definitely relate to your concern that you're being blinded/manipulated by satan, It took me a year or so to convince myself that I was motivated by nothing more than desire to know the truth, and even then it took the overlapping generations WT study and another 3 months to finally push me over the edge to research. It can be a process. Examine your thoughts and your reason for doing things - are you just lazy? Do you just not want to go out in service? Or is it that you truly want to know what the bible says or what the truth is? Be honest with yourself and then trust yourself. Don't let years of indoctrination tell you that you're being mislead if you know within yourself that you're trying to find truth. Have faith in yourself, because you're the only one in this world that you can completely trust to be looking out for yourself.

  Try to keep an open mind...when presented with a solution/explanation for something, see if you can think up alternate possibilities. See what you think feels more likely to be the truth - use occam's razor and sound logic to avoid fallacies (like the appeal to consequences - where else would we go?) and you'll get there.
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  oppostate

  The book "In Search of Christian Freedom" by Raymond Franz was a great help for me in understanding how the WT doctrines prevent a person from growing spiritually and offer the view that one can find Christian freedom as promised in Scripture. It's really a heady book but very clearly and easy to follow. It is long, though, 700 pages or so. But definitely worth a read.
• 

  stephanie61092

  Again, I am in your shoes. I'm on a search for spirituality. I actually bought this book and have been enjoying it:

  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/the-soul-searchers-handbook-emma-renee-mildon/1121369182/2672869955029?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Marketplace+Shopping+greatbookprices_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP24047&k_clickid=3x24047

  I was able to let go of the idea of JWs having "the truth" after reading Crisis of Conscience and Combatting Cult Mind Control. Reading these showed me that:

  A) the WT is a very large, highly organized cult

  B) the WT is a BUSINESS

  C) the WT is filled with inconsistences

  I've found a wealth of information on just this forum to further support those ideas too. It was really devastating because to this day, there was something about being a JW that I haven't personally seen or experienced with other groups. For example, you can always recognize JWs when they're out and about and when you tell them you're a witness too, you're treated like family. I've been on vacation before and randomly saw JWs preaching and introduced myself and ended up getting free lodging and meals from them being hospitable to me. However, being DFed now, seeing how people who were supposed to be my "spiritual family" not just shun me but gossip about me has shown me the true colors that I think I knew were there all along. Where is the "love that does not rejoice with unrighteousness"? JWs are a kind, loving people on the surface but when you get to the nitty gritty, not many are true friends. Whereas my "worldly" friends have been supporting me and helping me without any hesitation.

  Anyway, maybe try to just focus on things you enjoy and let the others fall into place. Enjoy this man you're dating, maybe get more involved in work or school or some kind of extra curricular. Knowing now that Armageddon is not "just around the corner" has lifted such a weight off my shoulders. For once in my life, I'm able to wake up on Saturday morning and enjoy the beautiful nature outside of my apartment and not feel guilty that I wasn't able to go out and preach to people.

  I wish you all the best on this new journey you're taking! xo
• 

  sparrowdown

  A systematic approach is best, break it down into bitesize pieces otherwise you will become overwhelmed by it all. Remember the only way to "eat an elephant" is one bite at a time.

  Pick a topic that interests you and type it into google.

  Start with what you already know to be iffy, for instance you have already noticed how the org equates spirituality with blind obedience to them. You have rightly recognized this as false and that slaving for WT has nothing to do with, as you say, true "spirituality" or "getting to know" God or Jesus.

  There are plenty of ex-jw websites and YTers. There is also plenty of info on cults and mind control techniques.
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  fulltimestudent

  Hello Raven - I wouldn't worry too much. Taking time out of the frenetic WT way of life to reflect on what you've been doing for 20 years, is a good thing. Even though I wasted my life - well, I cant change the past, but I've survived and I greatly enjoy myself intellectually.

  Many here have reported that they felt depressed in this period of their lives, I know I did. I went walking a lot - that helped me. I was disfellowshipped, so that was an emotional burden after 40 years in that religion. Turned out to be my "get out of gaol" card. (grin)

  But you asked for suggestions about books.

  May I suggest these.

  Geza Vermes (trans), The Complete Dead Sea Scrolls in English. Penguin, 2004.

  There are a lot of editions, try to find the latest (2004? ) as they likely have more information. I suggest this book because its informative to examine the development of a parallel Jewish sect that likely influenced early Christianity.

  Geza Vermes, Christian Beginnings: From Nazareth to Nicaea, AD 30-325. Allen Lane 2012.

  Vermes is (IMO) an excellent Bible scholar, and in this book he traces what we know of the development of early Christianity.

  And if they sound sort of heavy going after 20 years a WT Slave, (another grin) try this one.

  Daniel Boyarin, The Jewish Gospels - The Story of the Jewish Christ, The New Press, 2013.

  Some scholars think that Boyarin is one of the best Jewish Scholars. In this book Boyarin examines what contemporary (to Jesus) Jewish writers were thinking about the messiah.

  A good library may have those books, if not try a university library.
• 

  Defianttruth

  Lets look at a few things first.

  Your religious organization claims to be the only and true earthly voice of God correct? They use the parable of the Faithful and Discrete Slave to establish their control over your faith. They say God has put us here to be in charge. They tell you to read some scriptures from Mathew and say, "See we are those people. You know we are because we told you so." Do me a favor right now and read Luke 12:41. Luke clearly describes this story as a parable. The Greek language is a beautiful and precise language and defiantly has the ability to describe "prophecy" and "parable". Why is this important to you. Your religious leaders purposefully lie to you and tell you this parable is prophecy. They have for over 100 years. It is a bold lie told often enough to make people believe it. When people question it they lie more and with more force. It was simply a story used with the purpose of teaching a moral lesson. If you remove that one caveat from their teachings they hold no power over you. Read that verse 10, 20,100 times. Do not let your emotions try to sway you into thinking it says something else. You have been programmed to believe the opposite. This may cause pain for you, but it is one of many things that knock their little house over. It was just a damn story not prophecy.

  The blood policy is the most deceitful and hateful thing in the history of the world. I will give you a brief background on the policy so you can digest it while you read the rest. Literally our former religious organization was founded by anti technology simpletons. I hate to say it so directly, but its the truth. Here are a few things the Watchtower Organization has written against either in the past or present. Giving literature black people, their minds were to underdeveloped to process the materials contained in the magazines. Aluminum, Vaccines, blood, organ transplant, the size of the female brain, and many other weird things that were not true. These things were written out of ignorance.

  Let's look at what the bible says about the Jews use of blood. leviticus 17 starting at verse 10-14. The Watchtower will stop there every time when supporting their beliefs, because they do not want you reading verse 15. I am going to go out on a limb and assume you don't regularly kill stuff to eat. Don't worry this is where my expertise comes in handy. I have a bit of land and use it to hunt on. I bleed my kills after the hunt for the purpose of making the meat taste better. If an animal dies and is not bleed within minutes, the blood will clot and there is no way to ever bleed that animal. Imagine wringing glue out of a sponge. If you do it quickly you can get most of the glue out. If you leave it a few minutes to cure you will never get the glue out. Why is the provision here for an animal that died on it's own? The reason is if a sheep farmer found an animal that died the night before and was not bled the law makers knew the meat would go to waste because it could not be bled. So to save waste they wrote a provision to allow the Israelite or non native to eat the meat anyway, but they had to wash their clothes and bathe and not go to the temple for one day. That's it!!!!!!! Take a bath and skip a day of temple. How much more is a human life worth to save than meat on the ground. Literally, the law allowed this rule to be broken as to not waste meat, but the Watchtower will allow it's members to waste their lives and the lives of their loved ones in a miss application of scripture. Go ahead and read it and check it. Every time they use a scripture to justify the blood ban they purposefully leave out verse 15. Now, ask yourself the question,"Why not change the rule?" You just read it. It is there in black and white. The reason is they are afraid of the backlash. They would rather allow more people to die than to correct their mistake and apologize. Doesn't sound very Faithful or Discrete.

  Also, I hope you feel better. Go for a walk, read a book, see a doctor, call a friend, or anything healthy that makes you feel better. I've been there and fought the pain. I can tell you it gets better.