Letter to my JW elder brother

by Roger Kirkpatrick 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Roger Kirkpatrick
    Roger Kirkpatrick

    I sent the following letter to my older brother, a JW elder in Grand Prairie, Texas, who actively shuns me since I left the religion for conscientious reasons two years ago.

    May 11, 2017

    Dear Ronnie,

    In the opening scenes of the movie Gone With the Wind, a field worker hollers out, “”Quttin’ time!” Big Sam protests, saying, “I’s da fo’man on Tara. I sez when it’s quittin’ time. Quittin’ time!”

    You and I grew up being told that our father had nobly demonstrated loyalty to God by willingly going to prison in lieu of performing alternative service during World War II, which had been deemed by the Watchtower to be a violation of Christian neutrality. Had such a course really been required by God, or merely by men claiming to speak for God? The answer to that question became apparent in the mid-1990s when the Watchtower then determined that performing alternative service during wartime was a “matter of conscience” for each JW to decide. I was stunned by that reversal, and I asked Dad how it felt to have gone to prison for nothing–not for any loyalty to God, but for loyalty to an organization and to a belief system built on shifting sand. Of course, Dad had way too much invested in being a loyal JW for him to say anything critical of the organization.

    You’ll no doubt recall how Dad enjoyed witnessing at the County Jail in Fort Worth in his later years. On one occasion, a new prisoner approached Dad and asked if he was a clergyman, and Dad answered yes. The brother accompanying Dad reported the incident and the Society chastised Dad saying that claiming to be a clergyman identified one as a part of Christendom. Naturally, Dad humbly accepted the reproof. Recently, in a widely publicized court case in which the Society was being sued for its handling of evidence in a case of child sexual abuse, Watchtower lawyers tried to claim clergy privilege while simultaneously maintaining that JW elders are not members of the clergy. After two days of strenuously debating that issue, the Watchtower issued a public statement acknowledging that JW elders are, indeed, members of the clergy. (So much for the claim that there is no clergy/laity division among JWs!) I couldn’t help but wonder how Dad would have felt about that. I also found it curious that such “new light” was not revealed in the pages of the Watchtower but in a court of law. After entering that statement into the public record, the Watchtower withdrew its defense and settled that case out of court, as well as another pending case dealing with child sexual abuse.

    Keep in mind that the Watchtower Society has repeatedly asserted in print that it is impossible for one to gain an accurate knowledge of the Bible without the aid of Watchtower publications. This is why JWs are strongly counseled against getting together as family groups and reading the Bible alone without using a Watchtower publication for direction. Evidently, the Watchtower views itself like Big Sam in Gone With the Wind: It isn’t “the truth” until the Watchtower says it’s “the truth.”

    Please read the excellent article, “Is It Wrong to Change Your Religion?” in the July 2009 Awake, paying special attention to the statement, “No one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds objectionable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family.” Does that statement apply only to those changing religions to become a JW, or does it also apply to morally upright JWs who voluntarily leave the religion for conscientious reasons, such as unscriptural Watchtower teachings and practices? The practice of ostracizing and shunning such persons is one of the reasons Russia has deemed JW.ORG to be an extremist religion.

    In his book, Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief, Lawrence Wright wrote: “People have the right to believe whatever they choose. But it is a different matter to use the protections afforded a religion by the First Amendment to falsify history, to propagate forgeries, and to cover up human-rights abuses.”

    Speaking specifically of ISIS, President Obama said: “We must work together to decisively and unequivocally reject hateful ideologies, teachings and practices that are incompatible with the values of religious tolerance, mutual respect and human dignity.”

    I have personally concluded that any religious organization which suppresses truth, or which manufactures and propagates its own truth, is a dangerous and harmful cult. Furthermore, I firmly believe that any religious organization which violates the basic human rights of its members–such as shunning members who leave for conscientious reasons–should have its tax-exempt status revoked.

    I respect your right to believe differently from what I have stated here, and I would enjoy visiting with you from time to time and never discuss our respective beliefs. I have never desired to adopt a lifestyle or a habit which would, in and of itself, disqualify me from returning to Jehovah’s Witnesses if I so desired; in fact, since I voluntarily disassociated and was never disfellowshiped for wrongdoing, I could renounce my disassociation tomorrow and resume being a JW again with no restrictions whatsoever, as opposed to those disfellowshiped for wrongdoing. However, I can assure you, that will never happen. I would rather have questions I cannot answer than have answers I cannot question.

    If you are ever interested in visiting under the condition I stated above, feel free to call me. In any event, be assured of my brotherly affection for you.

    Sincerely, your brother,

    Roger Kirkpatrick

    New Braunfels, TX 78132

  • Tallon
    I think it is a great letter. I hope it gives your brother pause for thought. Wishing you all the best whatever the outcome.
  • steve2

    It is a well argued, well-worded letter. We can always hope your brother and other JWs place aside their need to be right and just read what is in front of them - the very way they expect others to read JW literature. My hunch is your brother will struggle to get passed your greeting and first few words - so invested will he be in following the teachings of men. But if it even gives him one important thing to consider, it will have been worth it.

  • stuckinarut2


    Wonderfully reasoned and well written!

    Thanks for sharing. No doubt many here will be inspired by the content.

    We wish you well.

  • Randall

    Beautifully well written. Thank you for sharing it.

  • jp1692


    That is an extremely well reasoned argument. I completely agree with the thoughts and sentiments expressed above with the possible exception of that by Stuckinarut when he wrote: "No doubt many here will be inspired by the content."

    If by "be inspired" he meant to courageously take a stand for personal integrity, then: yes, I agree. Wholeheartedly. However, if anyone reading your letter thinks that by writing a similar letter to someone they love that they might "wake that person up" and get them to stop shunning and start loving, then I want to strongly disabuse anyone so inclined of that much mistaken notion.

    Towards the end you wrote to your brother, "Since I voluntarily disassociated and was never disfellowshiped for wrongdoing, I could renounce my disassociation tomorrow and resume being a JW again with no restrictions whatsoever."

    I must point out that your statement above is not true. If you "returned" to a congregation of JWs after disassociating yourself there most certainly would be "restrictions." That fact that you think there might not be shows that you really do not understand how cults work. It's not about doctrines at all; it is only about one thing: control.

    They have to have it. Your show of independence proves you to be a dangerous person. Should you return (and I suspect that you actually have zero desire or intention of ever doing that), you would be subject to all of the typical sanctions and censure of any "prodigal" for the express purpose of breaking any independent spirit you have, making sure you know exactly who is in control and to make a show for any observers just in case any of them might have any ideas of questioning or expressing an opinion.

    I'm sorry about the loss of your brother. You seem like a good and thoughtful man of personal integrity. I hope your brother wakes up one day before it's too late and you can enjoy a real relationship sans the cult.

    Letter like yours feel good to write. Sometimes they have the desired effect, but not very often. Usually they just cause the intended recipient to double-down on their cult-mindset and shun even harder.

    I wish you all the best in your life after the cult, a life of exploration in which you discover who we really are.


  • Slidin Fast
    Slidin Fast

    I think you have chosen the issues that strike deepest at the blurred moral mess that the WT inhabits. There are so many issues that you could rant about but that of freedom of speech is so basic and important. Men and women have fought and died for it, adherents of the WT give it away without a thought.

    Your brother should be moved by your words, I hope he is.

  • freddo

    Excellent letter - hopefully it wasn't "pearls before swine" ...

    Fingers crossed.

  • slimboyfat

    I wonder if former elders can weigh in on this:

    in fact, since I voluntarily disassociated and was never disfellowshiped for wrongdoing, I could renounce my disassociation tomorrow and resume being a JW again with no restrictions whatsoever, as opposed to those disfellowshiped for wrongdoing.

    I don't think that's correct, unfortunately. If you have disassociated, and if you want to return, you need to sit at the back of the hall and be shunned for six months or more, just like a DFed person, before being reinstated.

    The narrative of evolution can resemble a kind of religion.

    Scotland would be better off independent.

    There is no such thing as fixed truth, everything is relative and subject to revision.

  • cofty

    SBF is correct - Cofty

    (you should probably screenshot that)

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