Tried One Last Time In The Kingdom Hall...

by pale.emperor 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    So last Thursday was meeting day. My wife knows my thoughts on this religion and respects my fade and is completely ok with it (which surprised me, and also made me love her even more). I think she must know it's all crack-pot stuff but seeing as her whole family are all in and about 98% of them cant even explain their beleifs without a Watchtower on hand i think she's just going along for the friends/family/social side of it. I have no doubt she'll leave on her own too in a few years.

    Before the meeting my 2yo runs off to play with the other kids. I sit in my seat and load JW app up ready. An elder says hello to me and is then dragged away by another elder to talk about loft conversions. A newly married sister approaches and asks how my job is going, we make small talk and she doesnt get my humor (she's from another part of the country), and i think i've offended her by saying "you look different today, must be all this sunshine we're having. You look well.". She makes her excuses and dissapears.

    Meeting begins.

    Meeting finishes (thank Alla/Odin/Thor/Marduk/Ba'el)

    I'm wandering around. The cliques are in full swing. No way for me to join in their conversations about sports (yawn), Brother so-and-so STILL hasn't asked sister gagging-for-it out on a date yet (just f***ing doing it already or leave her alone!). So i approach sister gagging-for-it-but-pretending-that-she-isnt and ask how she is (making sure im holding my daughter so she knows im not coming on to her) - unfortunately, im a married man, so no chance of me fawning over her and giving her compliments so she doesnt want to speak to me. So she gives me one word answers and then starts talking to my daughter.

    Thats fine.

    Really, it is.

    Then on my way out i meet brother fading-in-secret-who-has-some-GREAT-reasonings-about-how-this-religeon-is-bullshit and tell him "i made an effort today to speak to people i dont usually speak to. And now i remember WHY i dont speak to them" (we both laugh) and he says "i know what you mean".

    Oh well. I'd rather have just one "worldly" friend that likes me for who i am than 8 million "brothers" that really only speak to me when they need to.

    On another note, some of you have PM'd me asking how im doing since my very first post and subsequent ones. Im doing good. I'm over the sadness/anger/gratefull phase now but still get the occasional pangs of sadness. Not of losing anthing by leaving this publishing house/cult but of what might have been. I passed up studying medicine when i left school (it was offered to me) because "armageddon was just around the corner". But at the same time, i wouldnt have met my wife and had my daughter had i not joined this cult. So that's one good thing to come out of it.

    One sentence alone justifies my fade when my wife asks... "have you noitced that its impossible to leave this religion with your reputation in tact?" that was a major wake up call for me and that began my doubts. No wonder we shouldnt look at critical websites... because they're FULL of, not rumor/lies, but FACTS and EVIDENCE.

    Right, rant over.

  • 2badsosad

    Man, I don't think I could last 2 seconds inside a K'hall anymore. Just hearing you're experience above was giving me flashbacks. Been about 2 years since I've been inside one. I've got a wife who's still in, probably for similar reasons as your wife. Also couldn't explain the religion without a WT in hand. Unlikely to leave though, and our marriage is not so strong right now. Glad to hear yours is doing well. Gives me some hope. Thanks for sharing.

  • Gorbatchov

    It can be very lonely in a full KH. Your story is my story!

    What I hate is the "nice to see you back again" talks to my wife, while i'm ignored.

  • HBH
    Oh well. I'd rather have just one "worldly" friend that likes me for who i am than 8 million "brothers" that really only speak to me when they need to.

    That was priceless!


  • Crazyguy

    Yeah I remember after I went back after being publicly reproved, the looks I got and these people didn't even know what was going on or what I was reproved for . Bunch of spineless judgmental pricks . Like what was said above, one good friend is worth more then 8 million people like these.

  • Bonsai

    I had a similar experience to yours when I went to a meeting after having faded for two months. It was disturbing how weird and programmed (automated?) the people in the hall were. Their words were chosen carefully. Their laughter was fake. They wanted to have us sit towards the front and i brushed the attendant off and sat in the back. After the meeting I sat there watching these strange, alien-like people interacting with each other, bobbing their heads like doves (they all bow to each other three times a minute here in Japan) and bleeting superficial platitudes and small talk.

    The bible reading that night was Deuteronomy 18-22. The irony of 18:20-22 was lost on all the sheeples who attended that night, but it was not lost on us. Never went to another meeting after that...

  • LongHairGal


    Your account is a good visual of what I used to experience in the Kingdom Hall!

    I remember after a Sunday meeting walking around and looking at the phonies with their pre-arrangements and the cliques and the extended families and feeling so lonely and out of place! I couldn't have made it work if I tried! And I was a believer back then! What the hell was I doing there?

    I am very grateful for the religion's 1995 changed teaching on Generation as the catalyst that started to get me the hell out of the Jehovah's Witness religion. After this, my Internet searches for The Truth About The Truth started.

    Good riddance to this phony, phony charade. So grateful to be out.

  • millie210

    Great post pale E,

    In your post it is easy to see you are moving through the steps of coming to terms with things and you are doing so realistically with your wit and humor intact.

    That is progress in a direction that will hold good things for your future.

    kudos to you my friend.

  • WTWizard

    I can explain the religion without a washtowel better than with one. The religion is about doing the exact opposite of what would have developed the soul. Most of the doctrine keeps people away from real salvation, and keeps them in a damned condition. Every normal function of the human soul is banned, and virtually everything that is required is harmful.

    About the only exception is the ban on smoking and abusing drugs. Smoking and abusing drugs really does damage your soul, and opens it for angels to further damage it. But, I don't need a lousy washtowel rag or to attend a boasting session to not smoke.

  • Giles Gray
    Giles Gray
    sister gagging-for-it-but-pretending-that-she-isnt

    LOL! So funny... and so many...

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