Do family/relatives still hound you about going back? what do they/you say?

by run dont walk 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    No lie 10 years after I left, my family still thinks I'm coming back one day, get a grip, the last conversation I had, I kinda lost it a bit with my mom, and more or less said why would I go back, when Russell/Rutherford made everything up as they went along. Well that was a conversation stopper, and my brother/sister called alittle while back, I mentioned the Un thing, Child Abuse Scandals, and a few other things, I am not kidding, they pretended that they new nothing and that these things probaly never happened, just the media making up stories, How do you reason with that ??? I said :" well don't take their word for it, investigate yourself so you know, and read the entire Watchtower history 1879-2003, read it yourself, if you are not willing to then SHUT UP ! "

    I guess they decided to shut up, because I haven't heard back from anyone, hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm !!!!!!!!!!!, they are my family, but, I don't know them anymore, that's the way it goes, when you're borganized your entire live, you have no life.

  • drwtsn32

    I went to a wedding reception the other day for a relative and my sister said, "so when are you coming back to meetings?" I just looked at her and said "are you serious?" I told her that unfortunately I don't have the freedom to discuss my concerns with her. I'd love to, but she won't want to hear it.

    It bugs me that they think it's just something *I* have to get over. Never could it be a problem with the organization itself!

    BTW, I stopped going to meetings abruptly about 10 months ago. I'm neither DA'd or DF'd.

  • tinkerbell82

    my mom still invites me to go to the memorial and assemblies every year. every time my little brother gives a talk she asks me to go 'just to hear that one part.' she really wanted me to go see my sister get baptized last year, it's weird but i actually felt really bad for not going

  • drwtsn32
    it's weird but i actually felt really bad for not going

    I completely understand! But turn the tables around... a JW probably wouldn't attend a special event for you either. My inactive sister got remarried (before I was out of the org) and we didn't go to the wedding because she wasn't a JW. I feel so bad about it now...

  • Fe2O3Girl

    Out of my small extended family, only my parents and I were JWs, so there is no pressure from aunts, uncles and so on.

    I have been out for 9 years now, and the pressure has gradually diminished. Now I am remarried, my parents are aware how their behaviour will reflect on the organisation to my in-laws.

    The last time I was given a little prod was after they attended the JW funeral of a family friend in the area where we lived when I was a little girl. It went like this -

    Mum: Lots of people were asking how you are. They'd love to see you again.


    Mum: I wish you'd sort yourself out - so many people miss you.


    Mum: You wouldn't have to go back into it full on......


    Mum: Well I won't go on at you about it......(changed subject)

    I thought about the conversation afterwards. First conclusion -SORT MYSELF OUT????? Well, its terrible living in a lovely area in a nice home, having a good job and being married to a wonderful man, YES, I so need to sort myself out!

    Second conclusion - What was missing from the dialogue? World events, Jehovah loves me, near the end, bad people don't mean its not the truth, blah, blah. Not a mention. That was new. Interesting. Come back so we don't have to shun you, you don't really need to do much, just get your name tag changed. Hmmmmm.

  • blondie

    Recently, my mother yelled at my hubby that we would die if we didn't attend the meetings. From a woman who attends a meeting every 2 weeks. The older ones are getting scared. They are in their mid to late 70's and it looks like they might die BEFORE Armageddon.

    All the other attempted contacts have been non-family JWs. Phone calls...thank goodness for caller ID. Cards which go into the shredder.


  • smurfette

    My mom used to send me letters for the first few years addressed often to my boyfriend/husband as she was refusing to talk to me. She also sent the local elders after me who hounded me on a weekly basis, 1 elder in particular until I finally DA-ed myself just to end the harassment. The harassment had gotten to the point where it was disturbing my 3 year old nephew to see me upset and he would scream "the hoovers are here!" and hide every time they showed up. (his whole family now calls them the hoovers) I was only 19 then. Had I to do it over I would call the cops. After I DA-ed the letters stopped and she slowly over the years started talking to me about once a year. She finally seems to get that I don't want to come back but still holds on to hope. Lateley when she talks in JW-ese she just sighs and gives me the so sorry your gonna die look. I think she thinks that I'll feel guilty and rejoin or something. I'd rather deal with that than the constant quoting from the reasoning book of past years.

  • bittersweet

    My brother in law ( an elder ) always tries to get me to go to the Memorial ( esp. if he is giving the talk ) every year. I usually make an excuse like I'm working or something ( which I usually am ). My husband gave up a long time ago. My sister doesn't even broach the subject ( I think she's afraid to ).

    My mom asked me a few months ago if I was planning on going back to meetings soon. I said I was never going back, that I didn't believe in the religion. I thought she was going to freak out, but she didn't, she just accepted it. Of course as far as my family knows, I don't do anything bad, so they don't shun me. Now if they found out that I am a registered voter, that I celebrate holidays, etc., they might change their minds. What they don't know doesn't hurt me.

  • Gamaliel

    Both my Mom and Dad used to ask for a while. (Dad's a mellowing Elder and Mom's a zealous Pioneer type, but they've both gone back into the work-force when they should be retiring -- or sitting under a vine and fig tree under different circumstances.)

    I always tell them directly that I think if Dad knew what I now know about the Witnesses, he would definitely leave and never come back, but I always add that I still think my Mom would try to keep believing and would stick with it. I say I'd love to tell them all the reasons why I could never go back, but they would have to be very serious about knowing the whole story and have to be prepared for some very difficult issues between themselves and among their other JW friends and relatives.

    I say it this way because they never know which of them I'm insulting. Also it reminds them that they do not know all my reasons even though they guess at a couple of them but never let me explain or discuss more than a tiny fraction before cutting me off. It lets them know just how serious the decision to leave is to me. It reminds them that they could be in my shoes, also getting hurt by other JWs the same way that they shunned me completely for years.

    I'm reconsidering my would-be prediction though, considering how I think my Mom would react if she no longer could dismiss pedophile issues, direct dishonesty and cover ups from top levels, UN involvement, etc. etc.. My father has already seen through a lot and keeps it to himself with some idea that it's like a spiritually-oriented "social" club that he thinks is the one most blessed by Jehovah. (But he seems to be losing the idea that God will harshly judge all the rest of mankind.) Years ago, my father was a lot more adamant about the chronology, but he can't easily ignore the fact that he's been exposed to my prediction that the WTS would change the generation a year before it finally happened and then he's had his mother die -- although they were all so sure they'd survive into the "New System." Also he's taught at universities and has been exposed to some of the most challenging arguments when he tried to "witness" to colleagues.

    Perhaps it would really end up in the reverse direction (she leaves, he stays) now that they've found their own ways to deal with their own JW issues over the years. They might get even more curious if they ask again and I tell them I'm updating my prediction.


  • Elsewhere

    "the hoovers are here!"

    Run away! Run Away! Run Away!

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