by The Rebel 21 Replies latest jw friends
my witness self :-Very hollow, slightly lofty, characteristically judgemental, overwhelmingly convincing.
my non-witness self:- And in my imperfect way no longer taking the passive attitude to reality, and most importantly no longer feeling an outsider with my " true" friends.
I think it's impossible to move from one room to another without being buttonholed by someone, and since leaving the witnesses I am trying not to do this. I have learnt that a person, the real fruit of a person is not always what they believe but what is inside. It's not even who they appear, I have known many a pathetic alcoholic, but when I got to really know them, wow they rate up their with the finest people I have known.
JW self... considerably unhappier than now.
XJW self... considerably happier than then.
For years I asked...what is wrong here?
Now....I know what is wrong (I know TTATT). I don't ask what is wrong anymore. I know.
Toesup " now I know what is wrong ( I KNOW TTATT), I don't ask what is wrong anymore. I know.
The Rebel. Nobody who has seen The Cherry Orchand can forget when the characters make their last tour of the Kingdom Hall, they're leaving. " Goodbye, old home!" .So when we chop down all the Kingdom Halls, lets never let us chop down the Cherry Orchards that reside in them. However we are just luckily enough to see the Cherry Orchand differently. We are no longer under its influence, and I hope someday everyone leaves, and discovers TTATT.
Not thinking. Well, thinking deeply sometimes, but only to a certain point. There was an invisible cut off point when preconceptions would kick in.
Scared and discouraged. Scared of Armageddon, but most of all scared of never being good enough.
Describe your witness self - I was a neurotic, under-achieving, emotional retard. As a JW, I gave little thought or effort to education and getting a decent job because - alas! - I truly believed the Watchtower bullsh1t.
I was also a regular masturbator, my mind addled with the perverted Watchtower version of morality.
Describe yourself now - I'm really trying to be a better person, honest. I'm probably still an emotional retard. I'm definitely no saint and sometimes I lose it under provocation. I have my own particular biases that I readily acknowledge. In my defence, I returned to full-time education and got a first class honours degree. I'm trying very hard to apply for decent jobs - Research Assistant and the like. I have plans to enrol for a master's degree, too.
I still enjoy watching porn, from time to time.
"I returned to full-time education and got a first class honours degree"
Great job LoveUniHateExams! Congrats!
Enjoy the porn! lol
As a witness...A nervous wreck. Looking for signs for the end, issues everyday on the job,
making sure the kids are walking a straight line, hoping no one wish me a merry Xmas,
dreading all holidays and developing anxiety disorder.
Today, I'am as cool as a cucumber, mellow and I sleep good at nights..
as a witness i lived a lie. i wasnt interested in it--never believed in god. just in it to please parents then gilfriend / fiancee / wife. was out of it 3 years after i got married.
that was 45 years ago.
since then ive been--me. no fake existence.
