I like how it looks in other people but not for myself. A question specially for women.

by StarTrekAngel 15 Replies latest jw experiences

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  StarTrekAngel

  I like how it looks in other people but not for myself.

  This is a phrase I have heard often from my wife. Now I am to a point where I am trying to figure it out if this is something all women do or say. I can understand how you would say this if you were talking about a type of clothing that doesn't go with your figure, except that you may add the disclaimer... "If I had that figure I would wear this". This make it somewhat conditional but expresses your willingness to align your wardrobe with your taste.

  The way I understand my wife, she can simply admire how some dress or jewelry looks in other women but she would never wear it herself, even though there is no reason why it would not look good on her. Once again, I am trying to stick to the idea that there is no other reason (is not too short, not too plunged) other than the fact she would not wear, even though it looks "great" in other people.

  The latest instance on this come from a comment she made about a friends of hers. She is divorcing and she just got a small tattoo. I said that I've always wanted one and she said her tattoo looks good but that once again she likes how it looks on her but she would never get one herself.

  I am honestly confused and have always been confused about such statement. Hope someone, specially a woman, can help me understand it.

  Thanks
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  Xanthippe

  I would never get a tattoo because I don't like the idea of something permanent on my body that I couldn't change, at least without a huge amount of pain to remove it. This doesn't make me think other people shouldn't have them, it's just how I feel about my own body.

  Women generally know what suits them according to their body shape with regard to clothes. So your wife may admire something on another woman but know from personal experience it won't suit her own shape.
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  Cangie

  There are several other factors than just a woman's figure as to why she might not choose an item to wear, or an accessory to go with her clothing (jewelry, perfume, handbags, shoes, etc.) Another factor would be skin, hair and eye coloring. I might admire an item, but know that the color does not flatter me. I am now retired and although I love jewelry and used to buy and wear quite a variety when I was working, I have fewer occasions to wear it now. So a change in life circumstances decides what I would buy/wear today. I also have a nickel allergy, so I can only wear limited brands that are marked "nickel-free" or "hyper-allergenic." Contrary to what some may believe, not all perfumes can be worn by everyone. Differences in individual body chemistry makes some scents smell delicious on some women, and awful on others. I only like very light, clean or citrus scents, as the musky, flowery stuff makes me feel nauseous.

  I like some tattoos on other people, but I am allergic to so many things that I would be concerned about injecting inks and dyes under my skin and then possibly having a serious reaction. I only use one brand of ergonomically designed handbag because I have developed bursitis with back and shoulder pain, so most "designer" handbags are uncomfortable for me. I looove sexy high heels (used to wear them when I was younger), but foot problems require that I now wear the most comfortable, attractive shoes that I can find. Although I realize I am more limited in my choices than most other women, I have found what works for me, and I am usually stylish and well-dressed within the limitations that I have. I am just giving you an idea of some of the considerations that women may have when choosing their wardrobe.
  
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  OneEyedJoe

  Sometimes things look good but don't suit your personality? Sometimes I see guys that have their hair dyed a neon color and it looks good on them (might even look just as good on me) but I wouldn't like the attention that it would bring because I'm an introvert. Sometimes I'll see a guy with a bunch of jewelry or bracelets or something and it looks good on him, but I wouldn't want to have to worry about putting all that stuff on in the morning. Surely you've been there too. I don't see what's so hard to grasp about it.

  Another possibility is that its an easy excuse to avoid making a commitment to something new or going after something you want - sometimes people are afraid to try and they avoid doing so.
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  StarTrekAngel

  I agree with most of your replies except that the part I don't understand is the lack of her making a more complete statement. Like I said, if she said that something is not suitable to her shape I would understand.

  Let me make an example with myself. I like tattoos and I would get one if I found one that I liked. In the same tone, I like those tribal tattoos that some bodybuilders do on their chest and extend to the shoulders.

  The way I see it, there is a difference between the following two statements.

  1) I like chest tattoos and I like how it looks in others but I would never get one

  2) I like chest tattoos but I don't get one because I don't have the muscle physique to carry one but If I did, I would consider getting one because I do like them

  In my view, the first statement tells me you don't really have a reason to refuse the option is everything is there. Wether it is your skin color, shape, heights or anything else, I can understand why but if you don't add the rest, I find it hard to understand why not. She makes statements similar to number one only. May be my problem is not assuming that she actually meant like number two but she never really verbalizes it, which still makes me mad because I would hope she would really tell me how she feels.
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  Xanthippe

  Eh, this all seems to be about your tattoo and not about what clothes or jewellery she likes. The tattoo is the issue here isn't it? She won't tell you why she doesn't want you to have one, is that it?
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  sparrowdown

  Maybe she lacks the confidence to make what she sees as a bolder ie less conservative fashion statement. Some styles of clothing, jewellery, hairstyles, make up etc take a certain amount of confidence to pull off because of the attention and comments the styles will attract from others, both positive and negative.

  Or, sometimes saying "that looks good on you , but I would never wear it" could be a polite way of saying "I would never be caught dead in that ."
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  sparrowdown

  Women! What can I say except "we are a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma."
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  Gratefullyunstuck

  i like coffee but dont really fancy one right now..... simple really
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  GrreatTeacher

  This is very easy.

  Women are not used to men wanting to know how they really feel.

  If you want to know, ask her specifically. She'll likely oblige.