Stepping out of the shadows

contramundum

I have been lurking on the site for a few months and thought it about time I plucked up the courage to step out of the shadows and say hello.

I am in the process of fading after realizing all is not right with the organization I had trusted implicitly for over 40 years.

There have always been 'truths' I have struggled to accept entirely, even as a child, but was confident that trusting in Jehovah, building my faith and remaining patient would be enough to settle any nagging doubts that remained, so I pushed any inconsistencies to the back of my mind and concentrated on being the best Witness that I could be.

Over the last few years, however, I have been preoccupied with a number of crises in my family and stepping back slightly from 'theocratic' activity has allowed me to re evaluate a number of concerns and research sources other than the sanitized WT publications.

My eyes are now wide open - I found things which have appalled me and left me feeling extremely let down and disappointed by people I had really trusted.

I tried gently raising a few subjects with my mum (who was baptized early '70s and still remains a staunch WT supporter) but she will hear no criticism of the organization. I understand this because the best part of her life has been invested in the religion and to acknowledge it may have got things wrong would be to recognize the last 40 years have been a vain waste. It was a struggle for me to come to terms with this also - I would have done so many more worthwhile and better things with my time. I will try to make up for this when I finally have the courage to leave for good.

I realize it will not be an easy road. I am trying to fade gradually so at least my friends and family will be able to talk to me, but I am under no illusion that those friends, some of whom I love very dearly, will still associate with me when I stop attending all meetings.

I am now getting the occasional "are you ok?" texts and "we haven't seen you for a while, have you been ill?" comments. I wondered if anyone could suggest any suitable words I could use to reply to well meaning friends when they ask why I have been missing 3 out of 4 meetings every fortnight. I have no wish to upset or offend people by telling them to mind their own business and I don't want to make up excuses either.

I'd appreciate any advice.

Village Idiot

Tell them you're suffering from a deep depression.

And welcome to the forum.

jhine

Welcome Contramundum .

Jan

Hadriel

You're going through nearly verbatim what we have just a couple months ago. I FEEL every word your writing as those feelings were nearly duplicate of my own.

I'm not close to the only one. Many hear will chime in to say much the same.

The disappointment is a big thing. You think how can this be? You'll look at the same information multiple times thinking it will change? You'll pray for the things you've learned to not be true!

You are absolutely NOT alone. You're feelings are valid not because those here want to love-bomb you but because they are real and factual.

As to what to do with the inquiries. Say as little as possible. It is really difficult as a Fade to keep it zipped. Not because you're a fault finder but because you know things now that are so blatantly false so you can't help but want to say "that's just not accurate".

For that reason and I'm sort of being funny here but don't trust yourself. Keep it short and sweet. Be vague. "i'm fine just going through some difficulties". If they press. "I'm not ready to talk about it but I really appreciate you checking up on me".

All the best, welcome to the forum. Great folks here.

Magnum

after realizing all is not right with the organization I had trusted implicitly for over 40 years

Isn't that a profoundly deep realization? I tried to relate the feelings to some of my non-JW childhood friends, and they just couldn't grasp the profoundness of it. I assure you I understand; that's about how long I trusted the org. It's just shocking to realize that what we once that was so right is not. My wife and I still talk about how shocking it is.

There have always been 'truths' I have struggled to accept entirely, even as a child, but was confident that trusting in Jehovah, building my faith and remaining patient would be enough to settle any nagging doubts that remained, so I pushed any inconsistencies to the back of my mind and concentrated on being the best Witness that I could be.

Exactly the same with me. There were always things that didn't seem right, but I put them on the back burner thinking (and being told) that I would get answers in the future. I didn't. In fact, the opposite happened; the issues/questions grew in intensity and number.

I am now getting the occasional "are you ok?" texts and "we haven't seen you for a while, have you been ill?" comments. I wondered if anyone could suggest any suitable words I could use to reply to well meaning friends when they ask why I have been missing 3 out of 4 meetings every fortnight. I have no wish to upset or offend people by telling them to mind their own business and I don't want to make up excuses either.

I'd appreciate any advice.

I had two different JWs send me Watchtower articles. I just ignored them; didn't respond. I received a text from a higher-up in the org; I didn't respond. If you don't want to offend anybody, I think the best response is no response.

I know you don't want to offend, and I understand that, but it really is none of their business. You've wasted decades; don't let it take any more of you and your time. If you decide it's best for you to provide a response, then I think the best is a nonchalant one. Reply as if nothing is wrong and do not offer any kind of excuse or reason. You owe them nothing. Just say something like "Thanks for the message. I appreciate it. Nice to know you're thinking about me." Do not feel like you have to give anybody an excuse as to why you have been missing meetings.

If you're at a meeting and they ask you to your face why you've been missing (they shouldn't do that), I would react similarly. I would just say "Why do you ask? Are you concerned about me? Well, thanks for your concern. I really do appreciate it."

Hadriel

+1 @Magnum

Exactly the same with me. There were always things that didn't seem right, but I put them on the back burner thinking (and being told) that I would get answers in the future. I didn't. In fact, the opposite happened; the issues/questions grew in intensity and number.

In all seriousness that is a profound statement really. I think we all put things aside were company women/men only to run out of excuses for things.

Welcome to the forum friend.

Mad puppy

Stepping out of the shadows

contramundum

Village Idiot

jhine

Hadriel

Magnum

Hadriel

disposable hero of hypocrisy

Magnum

JWdaughter

brandnew

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