My life has ended (be careful what you wish for part 2)

by nevaagain 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • KiddingMe


    I am sorry for what you are going through. Dont blame yourself for helping her see the TTATT.

    She had a choice to accept it or not, as we hear about with so many others. Sometimes the spouse decides to divorce because they still believe and the other dont and that is not how they envisioned their marriage. I can respect that more than someone who accepts TTATT, decides to leave and blames it on the other for opening their eyes. That's a lousy excuse and would've been better if she just owned up to her own true feelings about the marraige. By waking her up, you in a sense did her a favor and she is misdirecting her anger at you.

    You took a big risk, but your life is not over. I'm in a similar situation and know that the more I try to wake my husband there is a risk they he may want to part ways because he doesnt want to remain with an unbeliever or he may accept the TTATT and decide we are not a good fit (we also married young). That is a risk I have to take and feel that if he feels that way, I prefer to know the truth and we both move forward to live meaningful lives. I would be devastated, but that is part of the risk and in the end I would know I did my best.

    You will need to modify your exit strategy to what you feel will workout best for your own well being and your relationship with your parents. Maybe this could help you fade could be "stumbled" by this.

    Wishing you all the best.


    You were NEVER the Total cause - She wanted to do this - it was her "Scheme" - don't guilt out terminally !

    I am so sorry all the same for you at this time -

  • leaving_quietly

    Wow. Sorry to hear this, nevaagain. Sounds like you really loved your wife. Believe it or not, you have an exit strategy right in front of you. Just quit going to meetings and field service. If anyone asks, you can easily, and probably truthfully, claim depression.

    If you feel it would be helpful, seek professional therapy. Just having someone to talk to when you're floundering can be extremely useful.

  • LisaRose

    I will probably get the blame that I am a coward for not leaving the truth alone when I woke up. I can say I am guilty for that point, but I am also guilty for loving my wife more than the truth or more than TTATT. I always wanted for us to do the things together and accomplish things together, finally I wanted to grow old with my wife one way or another.

    Stop feeling guilty! That is a Watchtower induced reflex, to blame yourself for not being perfect. Maybe you would do thinks differently if you knew how they would turn out, but you didn't (and couldn't ) have known, you did the best you could based on what you knew at the time, so stop blaming yourself, just stop.

    Being older I have seen a lot of marriage fail and I can tell you that it's very likely that she would have eventually left you no matter what you did. If she feels she married too young then that means she didn't feel happy or fulfilled, even if on the surface things seemed to be going well. She was just stuffing those feelings down because she thought she was stuck, it doesn't mean she was happy. Lack of fighting does not necessarily mean a good marriage, it can also mean you just don't care anymore. Would you really want to have stayed married to someone who feels they made a bad decision to marry you? Your leaving the religion gave her the out she wanted and she took it. I think you both will be better off in the long run, however painful that is in this moment.

    The end of a relationship us never easy, so give yourself some time to grieve, to heal and to reflect. You will move on from this and hopefully meet someone better, someone who loves you and wants to be with you.

  • redvip2000

    Your wife has been living under the thumb of an oppressive cult and is now free and is probably rethinking everything that she thought she knew.

    Agreed. Sometimes complete freedom comes with repercussions. Now, what is not fair is that she is blaming you for it, it's simply not fair.

    She could have been mature about this and simply tell you that now she has a different outlook on life, and that she wants to go off in a different direction and experience things that perhaps were not on the table before. Surely, this would still hurt, but it more understandable.

  • kairos
    now it's YOUR cue to leave.

    ^^ this ^^

  • exjwlemming

    It seems to me that you are a bright individual and your assessments are right on. She is using the awakening of the TTATT as an excuse to leave you. I guess you were damned if you did tell her and damned if you didn't tell her. You most definitely had a obligation to tell her about TTATT. You love her and wanted her to get out of this mind controlling screwed up organization. Your intentions were entirely noble. However, she is a coward that is using you as a scapegoat to leave everything. You can not force anyone to be with you....when they don't want to. If you could, why would you want to do that? I wish you the best. Move on. Find a good woman outside the org. Live a good life and appreciate the one that you will be with.

  • TimeBandit

    Sorry it seemingly backfired on you. If anything, it tells me that she was the wrong one for you and you can find a much more suitable wife some day. Focus on the future. You can make a better one for yourself. Someone out there is more worthy of your feeling and effort than she was I'm sure...Hang in there brother!


  • stuckinarut2

    Oh wow!

    So very sorry for the situation you are both going through.

    It is true that once our whole "foundation" is challenged, life can seem very different, and it is hard to know who we really are, and which way is up and which way is down. It can cause people to bounce around and do impetuous things. - which sounds like the situation your wife is in.

    It takes some time for every person to once again gain a sense of equilibrium again...

    Just keep your dignity. Be poised and respectful in your dealings with all people. By keeping such calmness, it will help you get your thoughts in order, and show others your inner strength.

    Much love.

  • corruptgirl

    So sorry you are going through this....all I can say is, accept the friendship that the jw's are giving you right now because they really do care. This can actually be your escape as well. Start fading NOW and ppl will just think it's because of your current situation and that you are "weak spiritually ". Don't let this org waste any more of your time! Life goes on and you will move on. You seem like a nice guy, in the future when time has healed your wounds and you r ready to get out there again, try to find a woman who cares about you as much as you care for her. Don't make that mistake again, life's too short.

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