UGHHHHH Wife wants to pioneer. Our future together doesn’t look promising

by goingthruthemotions 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Seems like a smart time to become a pioneer now that the ministry is virtually at a standstill. She'll get to have all the Kudos without having to really do anything and it won't be her fault if she doesn't get her time in.

    I wouldn't take it too seriously or "draw any lines in the sand" over this. If it were me, I'd play along with it realizing that she'll soon tire of making phone calls and writing letters. You could even have her practice on you as if she were presenting the "Truth" to you for the first time.

    My wife had relatively no problem with being a JW but she left soon after I did. Without judgement or arguing, I used to tell her that I had sort of forgotten what the reasoning was behind certain doctrines and in explaining them to me, she realized how feeble the JW reasoning was.

    I never argued, or pushed her into a corner but instead followed up with further questions, hoping that she'd be able to refresh my memory. In the process, she began to look past the JW mantra and to ask her own questions instead of waiting to being told what to believe.

    (Simplified Example)

    Me: I've forgotten what scriptures we used to show the reason that Jesus had to die for all mankind.

    Her: John xxx says that he had to lay down his life to buy back the life that Adam and Eve lost for mankind when Satan convinced Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit.

    Me: Ok...yeah I remember that part but I can't remember what the actual scriptures we used to support the belief that Satan, who had been alive since the beginning of time and was the one who directly rebelled against Jehovah, would remain alive all these thousands of year but Adam and Eve and the rest of the yet unborn human race had to be punished immediately and would continue suffering and dying by the billions?

    I'd go along with or agree with whatever explanation she provided, but in the process she got to entertain alternative thoughts that she'd have normally rejected if I had I stated them outright or had been confrontational.

  • princecharmant

    Let her pioneer all she wants. Why should this imperil your marriage? Reading between the lines, you simply want to leave. OK. But man up and do it without any pretentious.

  • Sea Breeze
    Sea Breeze

    I regular pioneered for close to a year. During that time, one of the single male regular pioneers started having sex with the wife of one of the ministerial servants. She was also a regular pioneer. I moved away shortly thereafter I was so disgusted.

    A little while later, I heard the Presiding Overseer (who numerous members worked for) was disfellowshipped for having sex with someone other than his wife.

    JW's are some sex crazed fiends. No way in hell I'd let my wife be in car groups for hours on end with other men...."doin' watchtower work".

  • millie210

    Iown Mylife

    I was so sick of seeing the same old faces almost every single day - old stinky breath McDonald, old garlic-chewing-for-immune-system-&-knows-everything Peggyann; old takes a bath once a week whether she needs it or not Almira McGillicuddy; and of course the old woulda-been-an-elder-if-only-she-was-a-man-so-she-is-keeping-her-laser beam-eyes-on-every-move-you-make Harridan From Hell.*

    Funny, I know the same people

  • GrreatTeacher

    GTTM, all this time I've thought that your username is Going Thru The Emotions.

    I've been reading through your older posts and it really does seem that you've been going through a lot of Emotions for awhile now.

    You've put up with a lot, you've got your sons out and your wife's behavior keeps deteriorating. You're posting a lot and you sound stressed.

    Is it time to put a date on it?

    You say your son is 17. Maybe give it till the end of high school for him and then you all 3 are free and clear?

    And find counsel and get your affairs in order.

    You don't have to put up with the crazy forever. You deserve to have a life, too. And it doesn't look good that your wife is going to change. It sounds like she's only getting in deeper.

    Only you know how much you can tolerate, but I just wanted to remind you that you've done right by your sons. And you matter, too.

    PS Don't leave the house. She has no right to kick you out. If your name is on the deed, mortgage, or lease it could really screw you.

    PPS If the best divorce lawyer in town won't return your calls for a consultation, that means she's already hired them. It's better to be the first.

  • goingthruthemotions

    Thanks GT, none of my family are involved and have never been involved. Non of her immediate family are witnesses either. I talk with my fleshly sister and she says the same thing as you. I am waiting till the younger one turns 18. I will see where were at and speak with a lawyer in mean time. Thanks you sound like a good person

  • Nitty-Gritty

    "To be Honest, I am so tired of being the best husband i could be to her. she is a taker and not a giver"

    Maybe that's the problem, not the fact that she wants to pioneer.

  • snare&racket

    Maybe use her momentum towards JW colleague approval and use it to 'get to the heart of all the doctrines"....

    If she really is intelligent it won't take too long.

    "That's strange isn't it dear, every historian disagrees with this JW belief, I wonder why that is? ...." etc etc etc

    "Oh wouldn't it be exciting to read Russell's predictions in print...." etc etc etc

    "These apostates and their child abuse lies, let's watch the court case for ourselves so we can defend the faith with vigour...."

    JW doctrine does not stand up to any consideration or research.

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