Dating in the Org

by Rattigan350 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Rattigan350

    You men, who were brothers in the congregation and you were dating sisters in the congregation, did you find that they cared more about how you made them look in the congregation than they cared about you?

    You women, who were sisters in the congregation and you were dating brothers in the congregation, were you more concerned about how he affected your status & how you were viewed in the congregation, than you cared about him?

  • waton

    I believe the sisters were so tied up emotionally in the wt movement, that their hormonal responses were totally skewed in favour of true believers. Even gammy males like me would elicit an alpha response.

    I could have married legal secretaries taller, richer, more learned, educated then, than me, solely because of the luster that zeal for the wt cause gave me. imho. (no not an opinion, some of us had to duck out from the pressure. )

    Favoured diversion: " belong to the AA club" marriage? after armageddon"

    P.S. probably not a strictly wt thing, it is the religious BS. , an evolutionary tick that gave success to those with a dedicated mind to a strongly bonded Brother/ sisterhood.

    breeding , survival of the most religious.

  • Gorb

    Witfh a lot of luck I got one of the best girls I could get, in the jw bubble.

    I was 28, she was 26. A good age to make this choice.

    I was MS, from a good standing jw family.

    Because i'm more the Huge Grant version of Notting Hill the status must have played some role, but more that I was different at time, thinking about fading then! No words about pionering, no talk about the organization. I was building a house.


  • truth_b_known

    I was raised as a Witness. My teenage and young adult years were in California. I found sisters in the congregation, circuit, etc. cared not about a brother's status in the organization. They didn't even care about a brothers financial status. It was 100% about hormones and dopamine.

    Any sister over the age of 22 that was not yet married was looked at as if there were something wrong with her.

    Many Witness couples got married young, probably too young. Those couples often lived in one set of parents' basement. There started to be a lot of divorce and adultery.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous
    Depends, for me and my first wife it was more a way of getting away from home. My girlfriend(s) after that as well, a way of getting away from home. My second wife was definitely a status thing, plus also the low availability of males, just having a boyfriend in good standing is a status.
  • joey jojo
    joey jojo

    Where I grew up, girls were strongly encouraged to only marry a guy if he was over 20, pioneering and a M. S.

    It was definitely a status symbol for some sisters to get a husband that matched that criteria.

  • mickbobcat

    Fortunately my wife was not one of those dyed and the wool mind numb idiots. She questioned the cult even before me so when I left she was right with me. I saw a lot of women who were those kind of idiots.

  • Overrated

    It's all about status and rank in the Kingdumb hall. Since I'm out. Self employed and drive a Benz, I got sisters in my active brother 's hall flirting with me. "Ooh, you should return to Jeehober and settle down with a fine "Christian " wife!" Sounds like there is not enough brothers in the hall.

  • road to nowhere
    road to nowhere

    50 years ago there were few chaperon rules, dating was easier. I still had to compete with pioneer brothers from better off families who had fancy cars. on the other hand the pretty girls knew it. We did the beer joint club stuff, along with some worldly friends at times. There was some heavy making out and petting that went on; this was before the free for all that followed so there were constraints.

    I had one serious girl but was not in a position ti support her in the manner she was accustomed to. That came down to her dad competing with me.

    Second girlfriend came from humbler background and was a solid good person. Very pretty too. She has been a devoted wife and I am a good husband.

    Now I have no idea how you would go about dating. Too many stupid rules. I know one woman who had to wait until a day her husband was home to get a plumber in.

  • Mum

    I married an elder over 50 years ago. He was 9 years older than I was. I was not in love with him, but most of my friends were already married, and I was almost 22 years old. The marriage apparently worked for him, but not for me.

    He had so many rules for me. I couldn't go to Tupperware parties (about the only social events JW's had besides inviting someone for dinner), couldn't watch or listen to rock 'n roll, couldn't babysit or otherwise help friends unless it was so they could go out in service, etc. I wanted to return to college, but that was forbidden, too.

    One time when my husband was the theocratic ministry school servant, I was assigned a talk. I wrote my "theme" for the talk on a piece of paper and gave it to him before the meeting. When it came time for me to "take the stage," I sat down, and he asked me, "Do I have your theme?" I replied, "I gave it to you." Of course, the congregation laughed. I went on with my silly presentation, thinking nothing more of it. However, it seems that the laughter of the congregation humiliated him. He certainly was thin-skinned if that upset him. When we got home, he lit into me for "causing them to laugh." I tried to convince him that it was no big deal, was natural in fact. But he wasn't having it. I couldn't convince him that I had done nothing wrong and hadn't tried to "make him look bad." Finally, I started crying profoundly because of the hopelessness of the situation. He slapped me in the face. That was "it."

    I made plans to leave him. I moved to the other end of the country, where I had a cousin who helped me get on my feet. Ever since then, I have been an independent woman. Life hasn't been all roses, but I make my own rules and have never again "humiliated" anyone.

    Thankful that I live in a country where such freedom is possible.

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