Memorial mixed emotions...

by Tornintwo 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • Tornintwo

    Does anyone else feel 'pulled back in' at this time of year?

    i still consider myself to a believer, believe in God and Jesus Christ, on the whole I think he taught tolerance, love, acceptance and I think we can benefit from following his example. I love Ray Franzs book In search of Christian freedom. So I sort of have to respect Jws for trying to bring peoples attention to his sacrifice at this time of year and I am toying with the idea of attending. For a few reasons, mainly because I want to acknowledge his sacrifice and don't know how or where else to do it and I want to test how I feel about things after 6 months since my last meeting.

    BUT, I've no intention of going back, I disagree strongly with so much now, their superiority complex, believing everyone else will die and planning shamelessly to move into the slaughtered ones homes, the blood issue, cover up of child abuse, the entire judicial process, the hierarchy, GB worship, stupid stance on birthdays, judgementalism, cliques......

    so why am I feeling this way? Is it just an emotional response to 25 years of indoctrination? Am I crazy to even consider opening myself up to their judgement or worse, their efforts to make me return!?! Anyone else feeling like this..?

  • prologos
    No, Understanding now, how untenable the whole subject is, not only the idea that only the anointed partake, but even the need for a ransom, . so, what is left? a symbol in the form of bread and wine of belonging to the brotherhood ? like communion? like privately partaking just in case they could be right? The only satisfaction would be to raise a glass as you wait for the eclipse lineup to give a good light show.
  • smiddy

    I read your Bio Tornintwo , you don`t think the big guy in the sky would kill more than 99.0% of humans ? at the big " A" ?

    Presuming you believe in the Bible , didn`t GOD kill off all of humankind ?, and not only all humans but animals as well in the flood of Noah`s day ?

    Why did he kill off all the land animals along with humans in the flood .Some estimates millions of people ?Man Woman and Child.? After 2000 years of procreation

    Why then didn`t he kill off all marine life in the oceans when he brought on the flood .?

    He kills off everything on land including animals and birds along with humans , yet he does not destroy marine life , WHY NOT ?

    If the whole world and land was covered in water ,shouldn`t the underground waters under land masses of continents , the lakes and streams that flow underground be salty ? like the sea water ?

    How is it they are crystal clear fresh water ?

    The sea`s are salty water , the underground rivers and lakes under land masses are freshwater crystal clear. water.


  • Sabin

    Tornin2, i believe in the bible & God & Jesus also, this will will be the 2nd year i haven't attended & i don't want to. I don't owe an explanation to them or anyone else for my choice or what i believe. I know myself well enough now to know that if one of them spoke to me i would not be able to hold my tongue about the child abuse & of course in true JW fashion & ignorance they would blame the victims not the borg. The thing is they have so indoctrinated us that there is still apart of our mind/heart that makes us condem ourselves as if we are in some way at fault, so we cling to hope. Hope that it isn't as bad as we come to believe. The truth is, it is that bad. It is a CULT, a cult that is making you feel that you have to remember Jesus at the KH, yet there is no such scripture that says so. There are many religions that remember the Christ at this time of year, what do the JW's say about them? Do they make a positive gesture towards such ones in praise of Jesus (isn't it good Jesus that so many think of your wonderful gift at this time of year) No they just put such ones down, they don't attend at the KH so it doesn't count with God. Dont be fooled into thinking they give a shit about you. Yes they will all be friendly because that is exactly from the platform what they have been told to do. The next day you will be the subject of gossip. As for me i will sit at home read through those scriptures & remember Jesus humanity towards those less fortunate while JW's are counting how many were in attendance cause that is what matters to them most. What ever you do, do it because YOU want to.

  • Tornintwo

    Sabin, that's what I needed to hear thank you.

    Smiddy, yes, I am one of those people who like to believe JC and the NT, the nice bits of the Bible and ignore the inconvenient parts of the OT. I accept entirely it may well be illogical and easy to criticise, but I can't shake belief in something/someone, a higher being that at least started the process of creation/evolution, a great scientist if you like. I also think it is entirely feasible that some of the scriptures are the product of man's desire to control but that there is some elements of truth in them also, and the fact that the entire Western calendar is based on Jesus birth tells me there was something special about him. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to examine with logic my entire belief system, and perhaps it will come crashing down, for now I'm not ready for that and my faith brings me some comfort.

  • atomant
    Tornintwo the longer you stay away the better off you will be mentally,You wont get your head straight with a foot in the door.l stopped going to the memorial a few years back.lve been to about 50 memorials and realized l only went to appease dad when he was alive.l never was baptized and most likely never will be.Having made the break lve been able to step back and evaluate the entirety of it all.Theres absolutely no point attending when you are having serious doubts.Those doubts will not go away and will always be with you.
  • atomant
    Another reason l dont attend among many other reasons is the strong waft of wine.Being an alcoholic in remission for 10 years l do not appreciate the strong smell permeating as it passes by.l avoid alcohol like the plague and any reminder of it doesnt help.
  • Xanthippe
    Is it just an emotional response to 25 years of indoctrination? Am I crazy to even consider opening myself up to their judgement or worse, their efforts to make me return!?

    Umm I think you know the answer to these questions.

    I love this time of year when spring is about to break. Personally I feel more of a connection to pre-Christianity and all their fertility festivals. I am longing for trees to bud and the sky to turn blue instead of this endless grey. For that first smell of things starting to grow when I go out into my garden.

    It has always been a special time of year since ancient times. A time to celebrate, we survived the winter. Our animals are giving birth safely. Food will be more plentiful now. Life will be easier for a while. I feel that connection to those that went before.

  • stuckinarut2

    Ask yourself if you are feeling this way out of FOG.

    Fear, Obligation, Guilt.

    Is it because others expect you to attend? Or is it a sincere reason?

  • Ucantnome

    Does anyone else feel 'pulled back in' at this time of year?

    no I always felt after I left that the memorial was the only meeting I couldn't attend

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