by ScoobySnax 38 Replies latest jw friends
Scoob,
wishing u well and hoping the time will come u can realize u are ok just the way u are. JWS had me convinced that i was just not basically ok and i had so little self esteem i could not fight back. I still struggle , but i at least feel better about myself. Really, if this is the kind of people jehovahs wants, and the kind that he would have populate the earth, i do not want to be there.
weds
Hey, that took some BIG ones Scoob. Your one of my favs to argue w/ on this board, & I am so damn proud of you. Being a straight guy who has hung out in gay clubs, etc. for years, known many gay x-jdubs, the only advice I have is don't let yourself be pressured into a "role". You are who you are. If someone, gay or straight says you talk too "butch" or to "femme", tell em to go screw themselves. I see this happen all too often in this "coming out" process. I hope you are on here to piss me off for many years to come, & we do all care aboutcha. I wish you lived here in the states, I'd take you to the burning man festival. It'd blow your mind.
Hey, go get dressed up and enjoy the convention. Do you have a funky scooby tie? I am not being sarcastic here, I really mean it. You know how to play the part. I am sure a visit will help you work out whether or not you are tired of playing a "role". I have never had to face a self-exploration as deep as anybody who is figuring out their sexual identity, but I echo others here that I was in my forties before I really came to terms with who I am.
So, hey, you might be right on track with the rest of us in figuring out who you are.
I'm feeling ya, Scoob. You, like many of us, are An Englishman In New York.
Never being here or there, struggling with who I am, what I want, and where I am. I'm not "in" and I'm not "out", I'm just there watching again, at a convention, in a bar, on the sidelines. I'm gay, its not gonna change, JW (but not active) Gay (but not active).......the frustration goes on......I lost myself somewhere along the way.
Dear Scooby,
This is a difficult thing to go through, but the answer is there within you. Just keep doing a lot of soul searching and the answer will come. I won't say that acting upon the answer will be easy. To the contrary, it will probably scare you shitless. But along with the feelings comes the courage you will need to follow through.
Just remember that these feelings come from within you, not from Satan or his demons. They are a part of who you are and who you have been for a very long time. It is not a choice, as the JWs will tell you, and it is not unnatural for a percentage of the population, which includes you, to have these feelings.
God, or nature, gave you those feelings, and you are right: "its not gonna change"
Just keep this in mind when it comes to the choice about what to do about these feelings. Good luck.
Tammy
Scooby,
I, too, applaud you for your courage in telling your story. This assembly that you're going to may be a big turning point in your life.
Shamus
I agree with Scotsman. I also didn't come out until I was 30, but that was after 7 years of being just barely a witness, watching gay pornography alone in my apartment, going to a meeting, killing myself with guilt because I couldn't control my urges. Falling in love with straight brothers at the hall and killing myself with unrequited love.
I think you have to make up your mind that you can live your life celibate and then go whole hog as a witness or in another religion or you have to decide you need a partner to build a life with as a gay man. Neither road is perfect. I think one can have a measure of happiness in either. It all comes down to what you commit yourself to. It took me years and years to commit and I still sometimes second guess myself.
In the end, I did not leave because I was gay. I left because I didn't believe it was THE TRUTH anymore. I think there are many truths and they are not all bundled into one nice neat package.
Remember. Doubt of whatever kind can be ended in action alone.
Take care
Joel
Thanks so much for all the nice replies, and pm's. Its given me lots to think about. Guess I need to get a grip of myself ....and sort my head out!
I shouldn't moan so much really, I am lucky that I've got such a loving family on the whole that are nearby, and some great friends that support me, and make me laugh, when I get into a stupid rut. I think like a couple of you on here said, you can't be all things to everybody all the time, you just end up knackering yourself out. Maybe thats the answer, sit back and take stock of what I have got, and be thankful for that. I know thats not as easy as it sounds, when I was a kid I hated peas and mum would always say when I left them on the plate, "There are people starving in Africa you know......" that may have been true, but I still didn't appreciate or like them better, they still sucked. But well you get the drift..... (hearing myself going off on a ramble again!)
Anyway point of this, was to say thanks to you all. It meant alot. Scott xx
mum would always say when I left them on the plate, "There are people starving in Africa you know
Yea, my dad used to tell me that too. I told him he could send it to them if he wanted.
