by missylissy 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
i dont know if im putting this in the rite place...
When a young JW Teen ( 13-16) Disassociates themselves, or is disfellowshipped, will the parents kick them out of the house? or are they required to let them stay?
would they still treat that person like a member of the family until he or she is ready or old enough to leave the house? then shun them? or will the kids HAVE to leave the house? if they are DA or DF, are the parents still allowed to have contact with their children?
When a young JW Teen ( 13-16) Disassociates themselves, or is disfellowshipped, will the parents kick them out of the house? or are they required to let them stay?would they still treat that person like a member of the family until he or she is ready or old enough to leave the house? then shun them? or will the kids HAVE to leave the house? if they are DA or DF, are the parents still allowed to have contact with their children?
The Sept. 15th Watchtower of 1981 answers all those questions.
But breifly,
No a young teen is not kicked out of the house mearly because they dissacociate themselves or are disfellowshipped. They are still treated as a member of the family except spiritual things are not discussed though the child can sit in on studies as long as they behave themselves and keep quite.
Once they are of age it is up to individual parents to decide if they will allow them to stay in the home beyond that. There is no admonition from the society to urge them to move on once they are of age that I know of.
As for AFTER the child is out of the house and living elsewhere...........then ALL ties are cut off except NEEDED buisness maters. They are to have NO ASSOCIATION with the child once they leave home. There is a slight difference in treatment of ones living "in the family circle", and those living "outside the family circle".
Gumby
Gumby
We had a little "apostafest" here today with four other ex-dubs who live in the same town. (It was fabulous btw!!) One of them was telling us how she left: she had a friend, the wife of an elder, who had a disfellowshipped and pregnant daughter. The family, including the daughter who did not live at the house, had just moved here from out of state. (The daughter was trying to get reinstated so moved when her family did so she could be close to them once she got back into the club.) The daughter was at her parents' house from time to time to do laundry, etc., nothing serious - she was all alone, pregnant and maybe 19 years old. Well, the elder was told that he couldn't be an elder anymore because his df daughter was spending too much time at his house. How did the elders know? They would drive by his house all the time to see if her car was there!! Is that sick or what? I suppose the good thing that came out of it is that it was the straw that broke the camel's back for my friend - it scared her - Big Brother come to life!
so, the DA or Df child, would be able to stay, and they would still be included in all family activites (ex. going places, trips, vacation, and other family related things), as long as they are not spiritual. What if they have older siblings, who no longer live at home, would they be able to have contact with them?
What if they have older siblings, who no longer live at home, would they be able to have contact with them?
Officially, the only contact would be if they had family business to discuss, and no contact otherwise. But I only know one family personally who does that. I'm DF'd, and my brother and sister are DA'd. We are all in our 20's I live at home, and they live in other parts of the country. My parents and my 11yr brother still have lots of contact with my brother and sister, going to stay with them, they coming to stop here(With both their boyfriends...) and are on the phone a few times per week. My parents are always inviting me out for days or on hopliday with them(I haven't had a holiday with them since 1995), so they sure aren't following the counsel strictly. My mother says' love the person not the act', so as long as things don't happen in front of her she is fine about it. Not all families are like this, but there seems to be a lot of people starting to question how much control the wbts has over their life and thinking more like this. Welcome to the board, and if you are in this situation the I feel for you.
Gadget
Hello missylissy
so, the DA or Df child, would be able to stay, and they would still be included in all family activites (ex. going places, trips, vacation, and other family related things), as long as they are not spiritual. What if they have older siblings, who no longer live at home, would they be able to have contact with them?The level of inclusion in family activity, while not prohibited by the WT, is decided by each family. Some families go overboard and treat their own child badly, some even demand that their child of legal age move out. The siblings who do not live in the same household are expected to shun just as they would any other DF'd person, with the exception of 'necesary' family business. If you are the teenager in question, you might carefully probe the issue with your parents to see what they might do. Even then do not act injudiciously. Having a DF'd or DA'd child in the house is a very emotional complication and what a parent says they would do now may be different, good or bad, when actually facing the circumstance. You might private message Billygoat for her input and experience. Jst2laws
Having a DF'd or DA'd child in the house is a very emotional complication and what a parent says they would do now may be different, good or bad, when actually facing the circumstance.
My parents always said if we stopped going to meetings we would be kicked out immediately, but when it happened they done the opposite. I think the main thing would be what attitude is shown. If you rebel, and getting up to alsorts then they will think the wbts are right and you need shunned to protect their own spirituality. But if you are reasonable, and make it known that you are still the same good person you were just share a different belief to them now they may find it much easier to handle and accept the situation.
Gadget
I would not DA at such a young age. I would wait till I was 18, graduated HS and had a job where I could support myself. I don't think Gadget's family is the norm so I would not risk it until you can be independent.
This is shunning from my perspective: My dad (elder) has called me a very few times in the past several years. My mom, sister, and brothers have never called me. Here is an example of our last conversation.
Dad: Lisa, your mom is in the hospital for surgery. I thought you’d like to know.
Me: OMG…is everything alright? Can I call her?
Dad: Yes, here’s the #.
Me. Thank you so much for calling. I love you.
Dad: *click
Me: Mom, are you ok?
Mom: yes, I’ll be fine.
Me: Is there anything I can do for you?
Mom: No
Me: I love you
Mom:*click
Lisa
My father-in-law (not the brightest guy and barely a JW) kicked his 19 year old son out because some elder told him he should because his son was misbehaving. (He was staying out late and partying) Brother-in-law quit the religion completely and later the elders in the congregation disfellowshipped him.
The whole family situation was a mess and lots of regrets by in-laws for the action they took and for listening to a dumb elder who raised two boys himself, neither of which became JWs and which he never threw out of his house. When the matter of how treat DF'd son came up I told my in-laws that there was no prohibition against seeing their son. I said the whole "needed business" thing was very open. So they (and I) continued to see their son frequently and had a much better relationship once he stopped pretending to be a JW. We visited him and ate with him and his partner...and that was while I was an MS and later an elder and later as an ex-elder.
Thirdson
