I actually feel guilty when I try to put myself first. I don’t think it is going to be easy to just get rid of this way of thinking. All things I have been working through have not been easy. It has been like going to get a root canal: A bunch of yucky stuff has to be dug out and it hurts a lot and then, after a little while, you feel better
I know exactly what you mean - been there/done that! I went through therapy almost 10 years ago, and lately I've realized I need a "refresher" course - somehow within those few years I had let alot of "negativity" creep back in. Because we are raised this way from birth, there is no miracle "cure" - its like an insipid disease that rears its ugly little head every one in awhile, and it has to be dealt with.
My hubby says the same thing about me - that I give way to much of myself, and don't take enough "good" back to balance it all out. So I end up feeling "used" "lonely" and unappreciated - which leads to anger & rage (course the hormones got something to do with that as well I'm learning).
Sounds like "you've come a long way baby" - even if there's more work to be done.
One step at a time! And enjoy each step - that's really important as well. Even if its a difficult one, just realize that its another step towards a healthy & happy mental attitude, makes the process easier to bear.
And yes - big round of applause to you! Many don't get to where you are - goes to show the inner strength & true mental wellness that you have.
Ballistic - I know EXACTLY what you're talking about - kinda like faking being sick to skip school - that delicious although guilty feeling of taking back some of your own time. hee hee - And once into adulthood - work is always good for that too!