Just experienced some of the sickness of jwism!

by be wise 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  be wise

  Hi all,

  I was just talking to my niece the other day - she's the daughter to my jw sister. She was telling me about what she believes. She got talking about birthdays etc, so I told her my point of view. She was so cute and told me that we would talk about it again when she had time. I got home from work and my mum must have got wind of it and started accusing me of attacking her. We got on so well as well, I really drew close to her - she lives in another country so I don't get any time with her at all but she's a really smart kid. So you can imagine the rest. Then - my parents said I have to leave so I spent the night with a friend of mine.

  This is so childish but I suppose they don't see it that way. My sisters husband is an elder and my mum said that he will be very angry that I spoke to her . He's a brother of many of the big shot elders (all family) in the congregation and it's gonna come back to me but I'm not gonna let the bastards DF me so I'm just gonna DA myself. I've had enough of this cult and the kind of behaviour they encourage - that's finally it for me. As regards my family, there is no kind of relationship between us anyway so I haven't got anything to lose. This is sad but the way it is and I'm not just saying this because I'm confused.

  I'm tired of all this behaviour and I don't need it screwing up my life anymore - they're just too close minded to even talk about it. My DF'd brother has been a really good support for me he said I could stay at his place until I get sorted. This all sounds rash but this is my family. My brother has been through exactly the same thing years ago when he got kicked out so he knows what I'm going through which is a great support for me. I don't know what to do really, maybe I'm over reacting about the DAing myself but I've honestly had enough. Sorry for some of you that have to deal with this sort of extreme behaviour. I'll let you now what happens.

  be wise.
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  SixofNine

  Hang loose... it's just birthdays. No need to worry about df or da. If you can argue this with a kid, you can argue it with a big bad elder or your parents.

  Jehovahs Witnesses have no leg to stand on where birthdays are concerned. They are wrong from every angle. The point can even be made that it is morally wrong for them to keep to the tradition they keep, as it demonstrably keeps "worldly" people from gaining eternal life. You may want to wait to confront them on that last part that shows their immorality till you know you wan't to be da'd.
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  rocketman

  Most of the time, it's suggested here that people try to avoid DAing if at all possible. I'd suggest taking time to think it through one more time, and not to do anything rash. On the other hand,.as you said, maybe it's just time and you've had enough and thinking it through any longer won't help. Only you can tell, of course.
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  be wise

  Sixofnine,

  The thing is I didn't even argue with my niece it was all a very comfortable situation. I would never treat a child the way the WTS does - It makes me sick cos it's so harmful to their pshycological make up. Btw, the last thing I am going to do is try and explain myself to a so-called 'elder' - they bear no importance to me what-so-ever so I don't see a reason why I should?

  There mindless doctrines bore me cos they miss the whole point entirely.

  Rocketman,

  Thanks for the advice but I've thought about this before and I mentioned it in a thread a while back cos I was thinking about it then. I think the slow fade is definitely the best option and not DAing yourself but I've have reached a far point beyond that now. Like I said I'm a bit confused at the moment but when it settles down pretty soon I'll still be the same person and even better for it - I don't believe in wasting my energy on things that are just gonna screw me up and do me no good what so ever. I just need to know where I stand with things. It reminds me of a thread by dansk recently – I will not be treated this way and let my family think they have got just reason to treat me this way. It’s twisted. It’s extremely sad but my parents have just lost another son to the WTS.

  My niece asked me about why I don’t believe anymore. I said the main reason is because of the way they view the world – that Satan is controlling everything. So I asked her what she thought. She said she thought the governments were demon possessed and all bad people weren’t on god’s side and would be destroyed if they didn’t listen to jws. I reasoned but she starting telling me all the things she had been taught through the WTS. I couldn’t believe it even though I know this is how they feel – I felt the same when I was in it but it’s different in reality.

  I told this to my mum and said it was disgusting that a child should be taught to think this way -she said ‘they ARE demon possessed’ (hmm) my mums in very good standing in the cong. and very intelligent - makes you think though doesn’t it? How childish!
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  jws

  Maybe with a little time, everybody in your family will cool down. Probably no need to cut ties entirely by DA'ing. In my opinion, that does little to make a bold statement to others. The hardcore JWs just think you're a sad case. It rarely makes any of them sit up and start to take a critical look at their beliefs. The only satisfaction it gives is a way for you to shout out and strike back in some way.

  A better tack might be to stay away from being DA/DF. By keeping some sort of approved status, maybe family ties will be somewhat open and over the years, maybe you can influence your neice and start her on the road out.

  You may also want to do your JW research. I think somebody posted some WT/Awake articles here that, at one time, said that birthdays were a matter of conscience, but... "mature Christians" wouldn't want to. Maybe you can hold them to the "matter of conscience" thing. I did that with the issue of college. As it is, their reasoning is weak and hypocritical of other celebrations like anniversaries (which JWs do celebrate).
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  be wise

  jws,

  I see your point but I don't want to DA myself for any reason other than for myself - not anything to do with making a statement to others. I just don't want to be associatted with this religion anymore in any way or form and that's basically my reason. Why should I try and meet them half-way and try and compensate for their appauling behaviour?

  I'm bored of playing THERE game but I will take all what you've said into consideration. It's just that it's always been the same with our family and I can't see them changing - maybe they will but until then I'm not playing ball with their twisted mind-set.
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  SixofNine

  If you talk to your family about something as inocuous as birthdays, they may see how your decision not to be involved with the witnesses is based on things about the witnesses that really disgust you. Don't underestimate the power of disgust. If you use it (disgust) along with fading, you might retain your family. Something you may feel more strongly about if you lose them than you do now.

  But, it's your family and your life, so of course only you can have a good feel for what is best.
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  Brummie

  I just don't want to be associatted with this religion anymore in any way or form and that's basically my reason

  There can be no better reason!

  Sorry you are experiencing this shyte, grrr

  Brummie
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  pettygrudger

  Be Wise - its very difficult sometimes to make that decision - I wish you the best as you go through this process. It can be very difficult - but there's an entire board here of people who will be there to give you support should you need it, and it sounds like you do have some family left to be there as well.

  We don't get to choose our family - and most of the time, JW or not, they don't turn out to be the people that we need or want in our life. There is no shame in this, its just the way it turns out.

  Good luck to you - this won't be easy from what I understand.
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  be wise

  Hi - managed to stay at my brother’s house for a few nights. Things have calmed down a bit now. My mum gave me an application form for a flat and filled it out - just waiting for me to sign on the dotted line so-to-speak.

  Everything was quiet in the house. Nobody spoke to me even though I tried to clear the air. My sister was ok though but my nephew couldn't even look at me, he looked really uncomfortable. My niece is a gem though. I taught her some more stuff on the guitar. She said she wanted to talk about it to me again but I said I shouldn't cos your gran will get really upset. She was confused and asked 'why would she get upset?' I said she doesn't want me talking to you about it. So she went downstairs to ask but I don't know what was said.

  While staying with my DF'd brother. I told him more about what happened with things. I also told him about the jw stance on blood - he couldn't believe it - i told him it was a conscience matter (is this still the case) - he still couldn't believe it. We got talking about it and he got very upset, he found it really hard but told me how he tried to commit suicide after he was DF'd on a number of occasions. I cried and tried to encourage him a bit – just get it out of him – he’s had to keep so much in for so long I’m surprised he hasn’t gone crazy. I don't think he actually realises how much all this affects him - he's good at thinking things will just be ok. I asked him to go to counselling and I would go with him but he doesn't want too. His girlfriend has already told him to - she's not even a jw but was going out with him when he was DF'd so she's experienced a lot of it. I'm not sure what to do now though. He needs help or this will never go away for him.