by Latin assassin from Manhattan 28 Replies latest jw friends
Are JW marriages any better than the ones 'in the world' as they put it? When they walk from door to door or mingle after a meeting they appear to be models of ideal marriages. But are they?
Do you have any experiences with married couples in the 'truth'?
My husband and his first wife were both active JW's. She is a complete wacko. You should hear some of the stories he and their kids tell me about her throwing dishes, hysterically screaming at him, etc. Yet to the outside they were the model couple, going door-to-door, keeping up appearances. After 20 years he had enough, but by then people had begun to see through the charade.
They have to put up a front. I remember realizing how miserable I was and thinking about all my depressed, married friends. Of course there were exceptions. I remember when my kids wanted to "court" (they couldn't date,according to wts) and I asked them to count all the truly happy, satisfied couples they knew among the parents of their friends. They couldn't come up with enough to use the fingers on one hand! I don't imagine their "success rate" is any better than anyone elses.
latin-assassin-from-manhattan
Through my childhood experience with my own family, I find them no different that people outside the hall. What goes on behind closed doors is certainly not what is shown at the kingdom hall.
My dad worked his way up the ranks in the J.W.Organization, and at home, he turned into mr hyde. Violent, abusive language, abusive to mother and children, hitting and kicking, etc. But, when he stepped in that hall, he was every bit as sweet as could be.
Never forget, that the way some people are in public is not always the way they are at home.
However, I'm sure not all J.W. married couples are like that. But I have met many a married couple who are outside the religion who look to me that they have great marriages and are happy, too.
Special K
One reason I think JW marriages are so miserable is the headship rules. The man gets to make the final decision on everything. I was at an elders house playing with his daughter and he told his wife he wanted to sell the house. She said she was not interested in moving AGAIN. It was the perfect house for them. He said he thought about it and made his decision. Shouldn't she have some say in the matter? I have seen countless examples of this and the women in these marriages are miserable. The headship rule sucks.
As I see it, A real JW couple will put more energy in saving their marriage - even if they think it is "hopeless" After all, Jehovah hates a devorce - so they have to.
I think that the same percentage of marriages are failing.
They possible stay together for the "truth".
I think it's no different 50/50, but in the JW religion alot probaly stick it out longer to save embarassment.
I knew many, that screwed around, or were so strict that they were impossible to live with.
I knew many that got married at 18 just to have sex. How pathetic is that.
One thing I really noticed is that the JW marriages especiallythe husband and sometimes the wife are very controlling.
I have a good one for you all.
Have you ever dated someone and gone through all the motions (flirting, dating, sex) and then found out he/she was a JW after they had a 'Coming To Jesus' and realized YOU were no good for their 'spirituality'?
These are just my opinions and observations. I think JWs don't have happy marriages if they marry as JWs. If they're married coming in, that's a different story. But the odds are stacked against JWs even leading up to marriage. Their choices for a spouse are limited to whoever is in the hall or surrounding congregations. They do not have the chance to date lots of people and see what sort of person they get along with best. They don't have a chance to live with that person and see how they get along day after day, when the other person is at their best and worst. And I know many who married too young because (a) their hormones were raging and they want to try sex or (b) it was a way out of their strict parent's house. Then, after marriage, you can't bail out without somebody eventually getting DFed, unless you seperate and remain companion free and celibate.
On the other hand, the extreme pressure to stay together probably does force couples to stay together during the "settling in" period where other couples may give up. And maybe they end up working things out and may end up a stronger couple for working through the hard times together. If not, they're in for a lifetime of hell. And with all the meetings, they have to act happy with each other in public. Sometimes, this helps. Sometimes the acting happy sort of forces you to make up. I know my wife and I can be having an argument, but put it on hold in front of others and by the time the others are gone, we've forgotten the argument, put it behind us and after the cooling down, made up. And JWs like to stick their head in the sand and convince themselves there aren't problems. Some will do the whole JW thing and constantly tell themselves they are happy and to an extent, convince themselves, even if they aren't. If they believe themselves happy, does that mean they aren't? Sometimes, until you step away from the situation, you don't realize how unhappy you really were.
My parents were married before becoming JWs and I thought they had a pretty happy marriage. Sure, they had their arguments. Yeah, my dad was controlling and stubborn at times. But my mother would defend him to the end. And when she died, my dad was devastated.
I think the JW couple that are truly happy with each other can be just as happy with each other out of the org.
It takes two happy individuals to make a happy relationship.
That is one thing I truly believe and I heard it from an Elder AKA "Cheese and Cracker Man". LOL
I am still not entirely sure what that means. LOL
