by Dansk 60 Replies latest jw experiences
Hey Simon,
Perhaps it's time we evened things up a bit? Imagine if the three elders turned up to find themselves outnumbered by some rough looking apostates (we'd dress up for the occasion naturally!). Maybe they'd think twice before pulling the stunt again.
"If you need help and if you can find them, maybe you can contact the A-Team"
A=Apostate, naturally
I loved this! Anyone in the Manchester, England area need some help? (Rough-looking A-Team)
I have a question for GARYBUSS. In all your years of faithful service to the organization, did you ever practise shunning? I can't imagine that any of us that used to be JW's could say we are not guilty of this abusive practise. When I read your posts I can see the pain that the publishing corp has done to you as well as others on this board, but to write that anyone that shuns you is basically dead to you FOREVER, I just can't come to grips with that philosophy. It's like you have taken one of the most vile teachings of the Watchtower and embraced it as the one teaching that you still believe in, only you reverse the practise. I am shunned by old friends and would in all likelihood take them back into my life if they made the effort. Maybe I don't get it because I'm not being shunned by family, but I'll tell you, if my children shunned me I know in the core of my being that I would welcome them back into my life without ANY hesitation at ANY time and without conditions. I hope you don't take offense to this post, I'm just trying to better understand your postion.
Raven1963
Dansk, So does going on the offensive eliminate any feelings of powerlessness? It does for me. All of a sudden, I have all the power because I decide who can talk to ME.
Hiya BillyBob, If you had a shiny new car and every time you drove down Kingdom Street, some member of a gang would run into it and dent it, how long would it take you to quit driving down Kingdom Street? What if when you were driving down Main Street and saw two members of the scratch and dent gang coming toward you? Would you avoid them? Or would you give them a shot at the right front fender that has never been dented?
So, if you would protect your car, how much more valuable is the human psyche? Do you say I should value my self less than I would value my car? If you think if a shunning as a dent in your car, what would you do if you got a dent in your car? Fix it? Or let it stay there as a reminder to yourself of how well you can accept dents? If you get it fixed, do you protect the car from more dents? Or do you go looking for the scratch and dent gang to see if they still scratch and dent?
If you would not protect your car, you will never understand my reactions. And my shunning shunners is a re-action, it never comes first. It always is a reply to their abuse. The shunners were notified before they started that it would be a permanent separation if they ever shunned me.
Your question indicates to me you never bothered to read my story. Your answer is at: http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm Shunning me is not free. It will cost them. Their game, my rules. Whatta ya think?
I could care less if you like to be shunned and welcome the shunners back into your home like no crime was ever committed. Some of us don't like the shunners personally. That's me. We think they need to be treated harshly for treating us badly. That's my crowd to hang with. GaryB
Billybob, I share the same view. It's true when I'm not wanted, I'm gone. I 've had relationships of the same nature that is shared on this forum, over time, some have changed their views and I welcome them. Believe me, when these people realize how badly they have treated you, it torments them! An honest conscience does wonders.
There is truth in what Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
I'm not going to make my life miserable because I'm no longer recognized as one of them, no way. When I see witnesses, I pity them. My mother always preached to us to pity those who are ignorant, witnesses or not.
Guest 77
Hi Gary,
So glad I resurrected this thread as there are many newcomers, especially, hurting at this time.
Dansk, So does going on the offensive eliminate any feelings of powerlessness? It does for me. All of a sudden, I have all the power because I decide who can talk to ME.
Definitely! The power is now mine. I don't care a rolling doughnut about JWs shunning me. My philosophy is that if they don't want to know me then I sure don't want to know them, either! As you infer, power is being able to make the rules and apply them. It is my rule to shun JWs (unless they are seriously interested in wanting to know how to get out of the Borg) and I apply it every time one comes my way.
I have a great new circle of friends who know all about my JW past and who take me for who I am now! Having new unconditional friends increases one's power over Borgites, because the latter always maintain once one leaves one can never be happy. Well, you and I and thousands here are testimony to the fact that life BEGINS after leaving the Borg. Yep, I'm a garybus philosopher - because it works!
Ian
Guest 77
When I see witnesses, I pity them.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling pity. I feel pity for those who are like I once was, a victim of a mind-control cult! I'd never turn my back on anyone needing help and it is my hope that my doorbell or telephone will one day ring with requests for help from those wishing to escape Watchtower, including my daughters.
To put it into perspective, Claire and I recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We didn't receive a single card from our daughters - yet in all the previous years they never failed to send cards and told us what wonderful parents we were. The fault doesn't lie with our daughters any more than it lies with all the other mind-controlled victims. But the point is, pity or not, you (we) will be shunned by Borgites at the drop of a hat and many (not all) feel great in thinking that they're making us suffer. Others won't feel that, but they do it nonetheless!
It is a fact that any JW we see from our old congregation will shun us - so, if possible, I don't give them the opportunity. I don't look at them or I look right through them. Either way, I make it known they won't win - and it's even better when you have friends around with whom you can share a laugh as JWs are told life is miserable outside. To be seen to be genuinely happy is twofold:
1) It galls the heck out of the JWs, especially the elders and
2) It gives hope to others. Seeing exJWs really enjoying life without fear gets them thinking.
The big secret to being truly free of Watchtower is to take the power back. Once we do this we are without fear. To me that is the whole essence of the Garybus philosophy.
Best wishes,
Ian
Wow........I never saw this thread initially (or if I did - don't remember) - haven't read past page 1 & 3....promise to go back & read it all - great insight (jw word).
A simple rule for evaluation is to take the subject out of context. Or to change the context and see if it still works. Another useful tool is to reduce to the ridiculous. Those are the concepts of my Okies stories. GaryB
Could you give an example of that, Gary? I've read some of your Okie stories - but don't get the point in relation to this thread.
Thanks to all who've participated - great information, particularily around holiday time. JW's just seem to *pop over* to visit....just in case there's a pagan Christmas Tree anywhere.
waiting
GARYBUSS, thank you for your response, but can you please answer my original question. Did you ever practise shunning as a witness? If the answer is in your Okie stories, I won't be able to review them until later.
Great thread, Dansk, Gary and others! You know who you are! Great websites and links, too!!
I figure the jws are victims, even though they don't know they are. They are victims because they are brainwashed. And they have chosen to be brainwashed and to stay brainwashed. Their problem, though ...
And I don't play by their rules ... haven't for about four and a half years now. When the jc wanted to meet with me, I ignored their request. Their phone message said, "Please meet with us at such and such a time and place to conclude (??) this matter." I thought ... sounds like they already made their decision, based on that comment. I thought, I don't need to put myself through the humiliation and degradation... At that point I decided not to play by their rules any more and instead establish my own boundaries ... healthy ones...
So my kids shun me now because the elders df'd me. Their choice ... My choice is to go ahead and be happy, dance, live my life joyfully. I get to make the rules for my own life. No elder directs my path any more! No kids dictate my conduct! My life is self-directed! And you know what? It works. I have never been happier throughout my entire life! Happiness is my own declaration to me that I am making healthy choices for my life. Because now I am respecting myself and living my own life in the healthiest way I know how!
ESTEE
Estee,
And I don't play by their rules ... haven't for about four and a half years now.
So my kids shun me now because the elders df'd me. Their choice ... My choice is to go ahead and be happy, dance, live my life joyfully. I get to make the rules for my own life. No elder directs my path any more! No kids dictate my conduct! My life is self-directed! And you know what? It works. I have never been happier throughout my entire life! Happiness is my own declaration to me that I am making healthy choices for my life. Because now I am respecting myself and living my own life in the healthiest way I know how!
That's a REALLY upbuilding post for Claire & I. We can identify with you (though we were never threatened with DFing - they just made us out to be apostates without naming us; but everyone knew who they were talking about! ).
We, too, are now living as WE please.
Thanks, Estee, I just came back from visiting a friend in hospital and your post has really cheered me up!
Love,
Ian & Claire
