Stereotypical ELDERS

by tazmaniac 34 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  tazmaniac

  A while back we had a fairly sucessful posting history on stereotypical witnesses. How about stereotypical ELDERS. I will start the ball rolling with two:

  1) Brother Oldentimer - He has been an elder for as long as the arrangement has been around. He will interchange return visit with "back calls" on his service meeting parts. His faux london fog overcoat is older than your mother. He collects old toy electric trains. He is always one of the brothers offering one of the prayers at the Memorial. Many young ones ask him if he is one of the "annointed".

  2) Brother Walking Bible - He knows every scriptural reference the society has ever used. He knows the "new light" before anyone else in the congregation. His bible automatically opened to the book and chapter of the bible that he wants while at a door in field service. He many times will have no children of his own but offers an abudance of advice on how to successfully raise them. He has a penchant for wearing weird hats out in field service.

  ADD MORE OF YOUR OWN FAVORITES
• 

  Euphemism

  3) Brother Sweet - An old, faithful, wonderful man who couldn't expound on scripture to save his life. He only got appointed because he's paid his dues and it seems a shame not to give him a little reward. His meeting parts are full of either jokes and humor, or long rambling stories and rants... anything so that he doesn't have to actually crack open a Bible. Depending on his level of intelligence and self-esteem, he's either scared of Brother Walking Bible, or hates the guts out of him
• 

  happyout

  Brotheralreadymade it - he preaches all the time about not being materialistic, but has the nicest home and car in the congregation

  Brotherboreyoutodeath - he speaks in a monotone, constantly goes overtime on his parts, and should be manufactured as a sleep aid

  Brothermisogynist - he's outraged that women even sit in the hall, and is constantly reminding sisters that they should dress more modestly (a knee should only be seen by a husband)

  Happyout
• 

  doodle-v

  Brother Spy-- He's the elder that tries to find out stuff about people in the congregation. He likes to make unannounced visits to your home if you have missed more than two meetings. Watch out! he may see you out and about with "wordly" friends and call your parents before you can run home! He's also the one that takes everything the watchtower says, takes it one step further, and enforces it on everyone else.
• 

  undercover

  Brother Sanctimonious Self-righteous SOB. He knows everything. He tells you how to do everything. He tells you what you're not doing that you should be doing. His family is perfect. He tells others that your family is weak. He gets pioneer hours but you never see him knock on a door. He editorializes all his parts on the service meeting. His answers at the WT study are several minutes long, filled with all kinds of useless facts that have nothing to do with the material. He can and will criticize and degrade anyone not meeting his expectations but cannot even take a slight joke about his weight. He can't hold a job in the real world, but he expects you to laud him as if he were one of the apostles.
• 

  Euphemism

  Okay... did no one here actually have any elders that they liked? Not as elders, I mean... just as people.
• 

  Euphemism

  Brother Intellectual - Perhaps because he went to college before he was a witness, this brother actually has a brain. He is therefore considered by others--and often considers himself--to be an authoritative expert on theology, science, and basically any and every academic discipline. He bestrides the congregation like a colossus; his word is unquestioned. He reads all the WTS publications, and probably has some private doubts, but spouts off elabortate justifications and defenses if anyone else expresses those doubts.
• 

  undercover

  Okay... did no one hear actually have any elders that they liked? Not as elders, I mean... just as people.

  There were a few that I liked and a couple that I could even call friend. But the vast majority were closer to the one I described earlier. I was thinking of one elder in particular when typing that. I could see him in my memory doing the things that I wrote. Others weren't as bad, but had many of the same traits.

  But to be fair, here's another:

  Brother Like a Father to Me. He was always there to encourage me. He never belittled me or unduly chastised me. He gave me my first summer job and paid me fairly. He warned me when other elders were on the warpath and how to either avoid them or outwit them. He married me and my wife. He taught by example and by word. He loved the children and was easy for them to talk to. The other elders ganged up on him, but he never let them get him down. He was merciful with those that erred. He was one of two men ever that I respected as an elder.
• 

  ninecharger

  Systematic - The secret homosexual who knows how to get things done.
• 

  core

  Brother I'm a Young Regular Pioneer and the Circuit Overseer loves me so I will allow all you 'ordinary' people to touch me or kneel before me. No wisdom, maturity or humility. Lots of them about. Regular Pioneer = Elder Imature=Elder Arrogant=Elder

  Just as 3 Timothy 5:9 says " how beautiful upon the stage (of the circuit assembly) are the feet of the young one regular pioneering for they shall all be elders and appointed over you to wield the rod of authority and to make your lives absolute hell and lo! they shall speak at every assembly and old faithful men shall sit in their seats with no part to play for this is the time for youth at the helm and they will harry the flock of God in their care""