Alright, Now I am Pissed!

kproscts

I just got off the phone with my mom; I love her now more than I did as a kid. I have over the years briefly brought up my "doubts" about the teaching and she quickly dismissed what I was saying and said it was not for her to hear and that she believed in Jehovah to set all things right.

So since I have made a point to "pacify" her talks when it came to the JW’s, recently as some of you know I found this site and in addition to what I learned my understanding of the JW’s and their secrets are even better known.

Being in business, haven been part of the Citicorp investigation, I know and understand how businesses deceive their shareholders, etc. I was, granted only a small fraction of the reason they were fined for the recent in fracture and will be another small portion for the up coming court case, but none-the-less, I know from what I have seen what the WTS has done is no different from a: Citicorp, Enron, Imclone, etc.

I did send for COC and )*&^^%^$^)(*^ ß is all I can say about that and the life I have lost over this BS, not to mention the lives of the thousands of others out there, including those of you here, all of my family is in the JW, the only one left alive that I love is my mother. Tonight I tried to bring up the subject and I got as far as to say: " Mom, I love you and I don’t know how to say this, you asked that I examine the scriptures and find the truth for myself. I have heard what you have said and over the years I have done so and what I have learned, especially recently, I can not put into words other than this life has been for not! I fear that if I speak with you about this that I may never be able to have the limited contact that I do and I do not know what to do?

I got as far as explaining I had done much research into the above and what I found, literally made my blood boil. I told her that on my brother’s grave, NO – that should I be lying about what I was about to say I would for go ever seeing my brother again and nothing and I mean nothing would make me say such a thing!

Well that is far as I got and she started to cry, she said why don’t we leave that there and that she promised my it was the word of Satan! That there were false prophets in this world and they would miss lead me with false information! The whole time she was crying and I was dyeing inside, I know she does NOT know what I know. Even more I have to live with the fact that if I said F--- it and went down and showed her what I had learned, what I have experience, her whole world would be destroyed as was mine! ß I can’t live with that, so I have to live with knowing what I know and never saying anything more about this. I at 31, have to just deal with being me, alone.

She knows when my brother died and the government covered up their own F-up, that his estranged wife and what she did, I took both of them to task and I won on many levels and lost on many more (it all comes down to money). She knows what I will do when someone I love is wronged and yet, she believes with her whole heart I am wrong. I am so saddened by this! I want to say so much more but I am sure at this point many of you have lived this and many of you understand.

I am just not one to stand by and let sh-t like this continue without a fight, I am methodical in how I approach these battles. I don’t know what to do and I am actually left with the fact that even if I were to take down the WTS myself she would still be there believing – only now, she would believe I were the devil himself and punish herself for having given birth to me.

I am not one to self-pity, but I am not one to let injustice continue! Do we all just sit and talk, is there nothing we can do? Damn, I am sorry to ramble like this but I am pissed, she was so scared, she cried so hard because she missed me, she prayed that Jehovah would have mercy on me and spare me his wrath, she does not know!

Alright, I am going to leave it at this but I do have a couple of questions that I will ask later, at this late hour I am sure I am the only one here and this post will go without say. Thanks for letting me ramble and I will get back to you all on my two questions.

Let me say this in closing, I truly feel for all that have lost in this manner or lost in any manner for that fact! I know there are many who have suffered more than I and my heart goes out to all. I can not stand those whom pray on the weak only for their self-indulgence and gratification! Unfortunately this is why most back home fear me; I don’t stand idly by and do nothing and yet nothing seems to be my only choice!

Thanks for letting me vent.

KPROPSCTS

Water

(((((kproscets))))) You are not alone.

Water

minimus

Last week my mother said that she thinks her illnesses are due to me. When she said that, I told her that I would never, ever do anything that would make her sick, if I could help it. When she noticed that I was hurt by her remark, she quickly took it back and admitted that she felt she was at her wit's end that out of desperation she said what she said to make me feel obligated to "come back to the truth". After she cried and told me how sorry she was for ever saying that, she apologized again and asked me to forgive her. I love my mother very much, too. I do feel your pain.

kproscts

Thanks to both of you, I wish it were not so late here. I want to say more, I have some questions to ask, but it is late.

Water - thanks, truely. Minuimus - I thank you as well, does not your heart go out to her and at the same time you feel anger! Anger is not the right word I wish at this hour I could come up with the right word, but thank you both.

I am glad to know I am not alone, not really, in some way I wish I were. I only wish everyone the best, to have a mother or a loved one so distrautght and yet have the feeling of hopelessness, it makes me sad not only for myself and mother but for all others.

minimus

I feel pity for my mother not anger because she is a victim. And she taught scores of people the "truth" and I believe that trying to tell a person approaching 80 that everything they believed and taught was wrong , is understandably too much for the average person to bear.

alamb

I am so sorry. Most of us here know the utter frustration of it all...and the simplicity of the "truth" as it is. Just don't feel alone.

I drove 400 miles one night and left 3 inches of paperwork about everything from the UN to the blood, etc. on my dad's and brother's windshields. They are ones to investigate and research...I thought. I got a letter saying not ever to contact them again. They would "know" when I was straightened out and contact me. To make it worse, my father molested me while an elder and I have taken him to court. Now THEY are too good to deal with me.

Just know we are here. You have come a long way and you may be their only chance to get out. Living well is the best way to speak without a voice.

kproscts

I think you said it well Minimus, the words just escaped me at this hour. Alamb, I wish I had some words for you, my heart goes out to you and I thank you for your comfort and wish you the best as well.

I just can't help but think there is something I am missing, something that would make them listen. If it were my brother and it came down to it I would beat the hell out of him till he actually listened to what I had to say and not dismiss me before I spoke. I have done it before, he has done this to me, why can't others understand? We did not come to blows over BS, we did so out of love & concern, I know this sounds extreme but in this case it worked, of course we knew one another that well. I am not saying we beat the hell out of everyone, but damn. I am smarter than this and I just can't come up with the answer right now and I am very frustrated over the matter as I know many are.

Trotafox

((((((kproscts))))

We're with ya. We've been there. And yes, we can relate to your anger. Getting out is difficult. Seeing others we love still in is even more difficult. All I know is that the frustriation and anger will eat you up (and make you fat ) if you let it.

You sound like a "fixer". Heck, most of us on this board are "fixers". At some point in time, you begin to realize that some things can't be fixed, at least anytime soon. Seriously fighting this God-awful Watchtower cult takes a serious plan and a fair amount of your time. Some have the capability, the time, and the strength to fight the Tower, as can be seen by all the anti-JW websites and other work that is being done to educate people about this organization. Most, however, just try to cope (after the first couple of frustrating, very angry years) and chalk it up to a very bad experience and try to mend the damage done to themselves by making new friends, developing new interests, etc. You'll find it very rewarding to speak to people now about religious subjects without having to find a way to start a Bible study.

Your mother appears to be devoted to the Tower. Sometimes trying to yank them out of it is worse than just letting them alone. Only you can know whether she would be receptive and, more importantly, when. Think seriously about that. I would like desperately to get my friend of 26 years out but I know by her attitude that I would be beating my head against a brick wall. She, therefore, would go on with her life snug as a bug in a rug and I would be frustrated, still angry, unhappy, and FAT. So tell me. Who do you think would get the better end of the deal?

Just remember....For the most part, it takes a special person with a great deal of strength, courage, and integrity to leave the Tower and their JW family and friends to start a new life in the real world. You are one of those special people.

Trot

berylblue

kproscts, I am so very sorry.

Rosemarie

Undecided

Hi Kproscts,

I am fortunate to not have anyone of my family that I am close to still in the Cult. After you leave there is another problem you will face, where are the true answers to life and death. For me there are no answers and sometimes it really gets me down so I can see why they stay sometimes, they think they have all the answers to everything and it brings a certain comfort to their lives, like most people who have a strong religious belief. I can see though that most all religious beliefs are a controlling force in people's lives and can lead to very dangerous circumstances if carried to the extreme as history testifies.

I'm sorry you mother lets religion stand in the way of your love and you can't enlighten her but sometimes we just have to accept life's circumstances and go on.

Ken P.

Alright, Now I am Pissed!

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