Should I Call My Father???

L_A_Big_Dawg

My father shunned me and my kids around 1998. I was contacted about two weeks ago, my cousin called me. She was told by her mother that my father had a pace-maker implanted. My aunt was the one talking to my dad, and he asked about me and my kids. He also asked for my number. My cousin said I should call him for Father's Day. That I should try and mend fences with him. That he was the one who asked for my number.

Well to make this story short, I have not called him. I have spent many a sleepless night thinking about this. I would like some advice, particularly from those who have parents in the Org. on how I should talk to him. Or even if I should be the one to initiate contact. I have prayed about this, but I don't seem to get a direction on how to go.

In my mind, I have gone through the conversation. It always turns out bad. Becasuse of this I haven't called him. The one thing that keeps haunting me is the song "The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics.

Please help.

Thanks

Prisca

I don't know all the circumstances to your situation, but if it's bothering you this much, then I think you should call him.

It's quite possible that your father has been scared by the seriousness of his illness, and may want to make amends before he dies. Asking for your number is significant, it indicates that he meant action, it wasn't just sentimental words or feelings.

I've been in a similar situation since 1988, my father has shunned my sister and I. A few years ago I did try to have a reconciliation with him, but it didn't last long, thanks to his actions and words. But I don't beat myself up about it, knowing that at least I tried to make the effort to sort things out, to at least a civil level.

Another thought: if he has asked for your number, then tell your cousin that it's ok to pass it on to him, and let him make the first contact. That way you have paved the way for him to contact you, and it's then up to him whether he contacts you or not.

fairy

I havent been in that sort of situation but my feeling is that you should call him.......

Prisca

As to what to say: Keep things away from subjects that will get you emotional. Stick to family matters, like his sickness, how you are going, the kids at school etc.

Don't get into the subject of JWs, shunning in your initial phone conversation. The plan is to make some contact, and pave the way for a possible reconciliation. He may be regretting those years he's lost with you and your family - see what he has to say before making any accusations or placing any blame.

I hope things work out for you.

Lady Lee

I wouldn't do it for a special day either. No need to add a reason for it to go bad.

Good luck

ashitaka

I say give it a whirl, but don't expect too much. Hopefully his thinking about his own humanity has changed him enough to accept you, witness or not. Still, don't set yourself up for a hurt.

everything on this earth is worth a second try, especially when it comes to family.

ash

Shakita

If it was me, I would try to call him. If it doesn't work out, at least you have the peace of mind to know you tried.

Mrs. Shakita

Robdar

He is your father. You should call him. The cult has already done enough damage to your family. It's time to start healing.

My parents shunned me when I first left. I am glad that when they stopped I didn't hold it against them. I never would have gotten to know them for the fine people that they are. We all make mistakes and life is short. Too short to give the cult more power to destroy us and the ones we love.

Let us know how it goes.

Love,

Robyn

teejay

Your father's medical condition forced him to see his own mortality and some of the mistakes he's made. He's trapped in a religious system that robs people of their humanity, or otherwise he'd call you.

It's a shame that between the two of you it's you who is in the position of being the bigger, more grown-up man, but I think you should call him. In your position I'd prolly be proud, hurt, afraid of how it would go... but if something bad happened to my Pops and I missed my chance to reconnect with him... well... it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Call him, Dude, and let us know how it goes.

willy_think

hi,

I can so relate with what you are going through.
If your Dad wonted to make amends with you he would call you. ( he is a big boy now) he wants you to call him, why? i think he is hopping for a "protocol son" thing to take place. if you talk with him i believe he will try to express his love for you and his desire to have your family back in his life, if you will only subjugate your self once again. I see only pain in the call and only pain if you let it go.

You are the head of a house hold, equal to your farther in every way. Whatever you decide to do don't expect anything to change, he is in a trap you can't pull him out of.

Should I Call My Father???

Share this