How do you 'feel' loved?

Maverick

Tony Robbins claims there are three basic ways people 'feel' loved. Some need to be told. For them hearing those words expresses love. Others need to be shown, a sort of put your money where your mouth is. Doing things and or buying things for these people demonstrates love. The third group need to be touched. Kisses, hugs, soft caressing are the way to their loving hearts. He goes on to say that in the beginning of the dating process people do all three. But in time the lovebirds tend to stop two of the three. People tend to give what they need. Example, my ex needed to hear the words, I need to be touched, I touched, she talked, either of us was getting what we needed.

My question, (and let's not debate the validity of Tony's claims, let's go with his concept) based on this information, how do you "feel" loved? Maverick

unique1

I have to be shown. Not by material things though. I would do anything for those I love, go completely out of my way, or drive 10 hours just to be there for them when they need me, that to me is showing love, not by material things but by being there when need and being willing to go out of your way for someone.

sandy

I feel loved when my boyfriend does things for me. I know this is the way he knows how to express his love for me.

A balanced combination of all three would be ideal.

This made me remember something. A loving Kodak moment I guess.

My boyfriend and I drove from Los Angeles to San Diego to watch the Dodgers play the Padres. We were having such a good time together. It was a nice cool evening and the Dodgers were winning. There was just something really special that night.

My boyfriend and I were standing and cheering over one of the plays when my boyfriend just grabbed me and gave me this really tight hug. He didn't have to say the words but right at that moment I knew how much he loved me.

Well about 6 months later I was complaining to my boyfriend that he doesn't say the words "I love you". He started explaining to me why it is really hard for him to say. Then he brought up that night in San Diego at the baseball game. He said he wanted to tell me then but all he could get himself to do is hug me.

That made me feel really good. Him bringing up that night was better than hearing the words I love you.

Been there

My husband does two things that I'm sure he thinks tells me he loves me. He says I love you when he hangs up and he opens my car door. Telling me he loves me but in no way showing it, doesn't mean a thing to me. I can open my own car door. If he is showing me it is so weak I'm not picking up on it. I need to be touched (mostly in the heart) He can't stand to be touched (unless I mean business) and he only touches me when he means business, he's hurt my feelings and disappointed me so much over the years (there ain't no business).

I also put alot of importance on presents. Since I never got them as a kid and was not celebrated in anyway I somehow equate it to love or being lovable. He is a miserable gift giver. He gave me a candy bar for my Birthday one year. I feel that if you can't put any thought into a present you don't love me. It doesn't have to cost a penny, just has to say you are special to me, I pay enough attention to you to know what will make you happy. He could care less about presents. He says "You have the checkbook, you can buy what ever you want". Where do they sell husbands? I have grown to not care about them either. I am not worthy I am convinced. He forgot our 23rd wedding anniversary in May. All I could say was "Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter". I does matter though. I think I'll go have a good cry. Send presents................

Celia

BeenThere: I thought I was reading about my husband for a moment.... But I guess he's even worse than yours.... He completely ignores my birthday, our anniversary, heck, he didn't even give me a ring for our wedding, 14 years ago.

Been there

Celia, after 5 years of hinting (and marriage) he did get me a ring.

OrbitingTheSun

The third group need to be touched. Kisses, hugs, soft caressing are the way to their loving hearts.

I am that one. Words are good too, but touch is where the love is...in my opinion.

Mulan

The words are nice to hear, but I don't crave that. I really know when people love me when they put their own schedules and needs aside and come to my aid when I need help, without my telling them I need the help. The help I've gotten since my Dad's stroke has really been wonderful.

I know my husband loves me, because he shows it in so many ways, with words, hugs, kisses, and attention. And he loves to spend time with me and talk to me. That means a lot.

If we get busy, and don't touch much for a few days, both of us will really need a hug. We heard once that you need 3 hugs a day just for maintenance. It's a good plan to follow.

Maverick

Thank you ladies, it is nice, and sad too, to hear your thoughts on this subject. I know I kid about sex at times but I think about love all the time. They are not the same. The men seem to be staying away from this. Why? I am not a handsome man, but have a number of very special ladies who show love to me all the time. Maybe because I really want to know what people need.

Been there, you have my heart, I wish I could help your husband see what he is missing.

It cost so little to take the time to learn what the ones we love need, and give it. Our culture presents being loving as weak and unmanly. I see it as a sign of true power and security within ones self. Maverick

arrowstar

for me...it's the touch that seals the deal. I do love to hear the words but it's not a requirement. How he touches me tells me. Those little touches...like reaching across the car seat to touch my hand...a kiss on the top of my head when I'm sitting reading a book...they may seem like small gestures...but all these tell me that there is a deeper connection. Life to life connection...the human touch.

I think we've all heard "love you!" ..but do they mean it? I've been told "I love you" and their actions told another story. In my opinion...real love is more than words.

((Maverick))...thank you for this thread. It made me think.

Arrowstar

How do you 'feel' loved?

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