For those who raised children "in the truth"

by berylblue 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  TheSilence

  I never raised a child "in the truth", but I would like to give you my viewpoint as someone who was raised "in the truth".

  I will not deny that I disagree strongly with the way I was raised. And, of course, through my teenage years I blamed my dad for raising me in such a way... don't all teens blame their parents for everything? However, once I grew up and truly looked at it I couldn't and do not blame my dad for what he did, even knowing he would do it again. Why? Because as much as I disagree with it he did it because he loves me and believes it's what is right and will save my life. There was never a doubt that he loved me.

  You can blame yourself if you'd like, but I can't see that it helps anyone or anything. Give yourself a break. My dad is as much a victim of this organization as I was. Just the same, you were as much a victim as your daughters. It is akin to saying, "My daughters and I were mugged and I blame myself for their suffering." It is not your fault, it's the muggers fault, you are a victim, too. In reality, it is not your fault, it is the organizations fault, you are a victim, too.

  All parents make mistakes, all of them. What makes a good parent is that they make their mistakes with the best of intentions. You intended to save your daughters lives through the reality you believed was coming. There is nothing... NOTHING wrong with trying to save your daughters lives.

  If it makes you feel better to apologize and you get the opportunity, then do so... but also forgive yourself. The only thing you are guilty of in this situation that I can see is being human.

  Jackie
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  myself

  beryl, my daughter and I have talked about this. I am lucky because she understands that I have always tried to do my best for her. It sounds like they have other issues, sometimes you can't get past that no matter what. I think sometimes they are prone to have issues no matter what you do, it is a part of life. I like the idea of writing a letter too. It gives you time to reflect on what you want to tell them, and it opens the door for discussion.
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  IronGland

  A good way to make up for the fact that you raised your kids in the truth is to buy them a brand new car. Also pay rent for them so they can make up for lost party time without having to worry about bills. It's also good to regularly invite them over for filet mignon and wine. And don't skimp on the wine. Life is short, buy good wine.
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  berylblue

  think that some of you need to realize that apologizing is showing them how much you love them. I am never ashamed to apologize to my children when I am wrong. My kids in turn will apologize. It is much healthier

  Sheila,

  Sometimes I think all I do is apologize....to my children (before they stopped talking to me), to my ex husbands, to Jehovah, to Tim, to the friggin' door when I bump into it.....

  While I am not above apologizing, sometimes I just get so weary of apologizing to everyone for, basically, just my existence...

  Rosemarie of the feeling sorry for herself class
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  berylblue

  A good way to make up for the fact that you raised your kids in the truth is to buy them a brand new car. Also pay rent for them so they can make up for lost party time without having to worry about bills. It's also good to regularly invite them over for filet mignon and wine. And don't skimp on the wine. Life is short, buy good wine.

  LOL, Irongland. If they were speaking to me, I would invite them over...as far as the car, I don't even have one myself (which kind of makes sense since I've never had a license). Rosemarie
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  berylblue

  we filled them full of intolerant Watchtower nonsense.

  Good point, Metatron Thanks
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  berylblue

  am really interested in knowing what you would have done to appoligize for?

  Well, the incident that caused them not to speak to me aside, for not letting them have wordly friends when no one at the hall would talk to them. This only lasted a while (not letting them have worldly friends, I finally gave in when I realized no one at the KH was going to bother with them, despite my efforts). The elders said, "This is not a social club". Yet the WTS says we are not to have worldy friends, and to find friends in the KH.

  That's just for starters...

  More later.

  Rosemarie

  And THANKS to all of you!! I will thank you personally later, maybe over the weekend, have some work to do right now.
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  rocketman

  Well, the incident that caused them not to speak to me aside, for not letting them have wordly friends when no one at the hall would talk to them. This only lasted a while (not letting them have worldly friends, I finally gave in when I realized no one at the KH was going to bother with them, despite my efforts. The elders said, "This is not a social club". Yet the WTS says we are not to have worldy friends, and to find friends in the KH.

  This is almost exactly what happened with my daughter. She was treated terribly at the Hall, and yet at school, she was treated well and was in fact quite popular. We saw who the genuine friends were and we began allowing her to associate with her non-jw friends on a regular basis.
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  RoseGirl

  I was raised "in the truth" and was inactive at times. When my oldest daughter was about 12 my husband and I started going back to meetings. I was kind of on and off for about 10 years and towards the last few years of that 10 year spell she became very determined to become a pioneer. She married a ministerial servant. I was disfellowshipped last year and she talked to me right before I was and told me that she would never talk to me again. I told her that was her choice. I began to think what would she do if I went back to meetings and got reinstated....would she still not talk to me? I told my son and my youngest daughter (both of whom don't want the "truth") it's a good thing Jehovah is forgiving, cause people sure aren't. It's because of this narrowminded attitude that I wonder if I hadn't gone back to meetings and let her grow up without it, what would she be doing right now.....talking to me or not? She and I were very close and now.....nothing. My ex-husband still goes to meetings, is an alcoholic, lies to people and does many things that are against bible principles. My daughter still talks to him and not to me. Who'd a thunk it?
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  Thunder Rider

  Look at it this way. You may have protected them from drug use, alcahol abuse, inapropriate sexual behavior and unwanted pregnancy. My kids missed out on holidays and stuff, but have developed into appreciative, moral, and happy young adults.

  I have explained to them why I raised them the way I did, and while I no longer associate with the JW'S some of the core values they preach are still of value in real life. Its only their leadership's need to lie, manipulate situations, and harbor child abusers that made me leave.

  You did what you believed was in their best interest and I applaud you for it. Now continue that behavior without the interference of the Dub Dogmas.

  Thunder