So today I just found out that aliens are real. Two people came by my house and shared the good news. The conversation went something like this:
Sally: Good morning, my name is Sally and this is my friend Jack.
Me: Hello Sally and Jack, I'm CL.
Sally: Hi CL, we're out talking to your neighbors about Aliens.
Me: (pauses for a moment) Aliens?
Sally: Yeah, you know, it seems like less and less people these days are putting faith in Aliens.
Me: Wait . . . what?
Sally: Well let me just ask you CL, what do you think of Aliens?
Me: What Aliens?
Sally: (looks at Jack it disbelief) CL, do you not believe in Aliens?
Me: No, not really.
Sally: Is it because you had a bad experience with Aliens? You know many people have had-
Me: No, it's just because a lack of evidence for them.
Sally: Pff (in disbelief) What about the pyramids? If aliens didn't build the pyramids then who did?
Me: Well, for the simplification of our discussion, let's just assume we didn't know how the pyramids were built. All we could say then is we don't know how they were built. But we wouldn't be justified in just making something up. Positive claims require positive evidence.
Sally: That's very true CL. Fortunately we have good evidence for aliens!
Me: We do?
Sally: (growing more and more excited) Yes we do!
Me: Like what?
Sally: (pulls something out of her purse) Well, fortunately, they wrote us this book.
Me: Aliens wrote a book? What the fu-
Sally: I should say they didn't exactly write it themselves. But they did inspired men to write it.
Me: Oh lord. You've got to be kid-
Sally: And in here it has knowledge that only Aliens could have known.
Me: This should be good.
Sally: For example, it talks about the earth being a circle!
Me: Okay? So . . .
Sally: Isn't that amazing?!
Me: Um, not really. Didn't Eratosthenes figure that out over 2300 years ago? Not only that, he also calculated the -
Sally: You see, we believe that the Aliens have a plan for us. And that - any day now - they're going to come down and destroy all the bad people and make the earth perfect. And everyone is going to get their very own panda.
Me: But why would anyone believe that?
Sally: Because it is written in the book.
Me: But why do you think the book was actually inspired by aliens? I mean, is there some amazing mathematical proof that they left behind that can help us unlock the secrets of the Universe? Or did they leave behind the design plans to build FTL engines for a starship? Or perhaps they gave us some kind of code that we can use to program an AI construct?
Sally: You know CL they did even better than that! Let me share something with you, here in Klingon 17 verse 4 it says, "And people will not be nice to each other and one group of people will try to kill another group of people. And in this time we will come back and set the world straight."
Me: I'm not sure I -
Sally: Doesn't that PERFECTLY describe the time we live in?
Me: Um, not really. I think you could apply that to any -
Sally: It is absolutely proof positive that the Aliens are coming back. Not only that. The Aliens have left us a means to communicate with them!
Me: Wait, are you serious? O-M-G, why didn't you start with that! What is it? A subspace relay? Or even better yet - an ansible? That would be awesome if it was an ansible!
Sally: To communicate with them all you have to do is close your eyes, put your hands together and speak your mind to them . . . and then at the end say, "through your son Ambassador Spock we pray. Amen."
Me: That's it? But how do they communicate back?
Sally: Oh, you know, lot's of different ways. Mostly through their book.
Me: Well sign me up!