My mom

by cognac 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • cognac

    I was just talking to my mom a few weeks ago. She said, out of all her kids, I was the only one she didn't have to worry about as far as spirituality. I always took a stand for Jehovah.

    She told when all of her kids were little, she gave us the option of not eating birthday cakes in school. I don't remember this. Out of her 7 kids; I was the only one who never partook...

    In 2nd grade, I placed 4 books in school, I wrote about JWs in my school papers, bla, bla, bla...

    To my mom, I was so strong. In actuality, I wasn't strong. I was just scared trying to get gods approval. I was terrified of God hating me.

    Anyways, my mom brought all this up. She said, out of all her kids, I was the only one she didn't need to worry about.

    She couldn't understand why, when I have such a strong spirituality, I could ever leave.

    I said to her, "Mom, I'm that same person. Everything I do, it's because I'm trying to do what is right."

    She couldn't understand. She wanted me to confide in her.

    I said, "Well, if I tell you, I could stumble you. But, I will say this, there's a reason I don't go to meetings. I simply can't do what I believe in my heart is wrong. If I need to be corrected, then I should be. However; I simply can't do what I believe in my conscience is wrong. That includes going to meetings."

    She became afraid and said, if I really believe what it is I believe, and have researched it and I'm now taking a stand, she said, "Then, I am probably right."

    I refused to tell her why I was taking this stand. Just that after research, it was my conscience. She was scared she wasted all this time doing the wrong thing and said that she couldn't listen to my reasons. I told her once again I wasn't going to tell her anyways, because I'm not an apostate, I'm trying to do what is right according to my conscience...

    I may have wasted an opportunity to tell her why... Maybe I should have... Maybe I should just confide in her...

    Ive tried to before, but, my mind goes completely blank and it winds up being an argument. Maybe I can write something, idk...

  • OnTheWayOut
    You do what you think is right as far as your mom goes, but answering questions from your mom doesn't make you some evil "apostate" no matter what their organization says.
  • goingthruthemotions

    HI Coginac, you did the right thing. it's best when they find out themselves. it's so awesome you stood your ground, maybe she will think and maybe she won't. but, it will be her not you doing it.

    i wish my wife was like you!!!!

  • cofty
    I agree that organising your thoughts in writing is a good idea. I can't suggest if you should confide in her or not but as a parent I would want to know. I hope you end up with a good honest relationship and your mum can deal with your decision.
  • cognac

    OTWO - I know. I didn't want her to consider me an apostate according to her beliefs. I guess that's what I meant.

    going - that's what I think. But, I'd like to confide in her, as a daughter to her mom.

    cofty - I as a mom would want to know also. I felt awful not feeling like I could just talk to her. But, I've been in this rodeo with her before. Not so quick to repeat it...

  • _Morpheus
    Con darling, we know where this ends up. You cant drop full on knowledge on someone and especially someone indoctrinated for so long.. Im sorry. I really am, but as i just explained to my oldest child today 'this is chess not checkers'. You have to think long term darling.
  • cognac
    Morph - You are right. Thank you.
  • Diogenesister

    You know your mum best, the pros & cons of her being a witness at this stage.

    She obviously places a lot of trust in you.

    It's funny, I was always the most "spiritual" child. Always wanting to go in service, loving bible study. It would be interesting to know if there was a preponderance of people who were kids with a strongly developed conscience , the annoying ones who know all the scriptures in the meetings etc, who figure out ttatt.

    I am guessing though deep down you think everyone has a right to the dignity of making their own decision having been given all the facts. XXX

  • lrkr
    Your better off making her want to know your reasons. When she wants to know enough to ask you again, she may be ready to listen to your answer.
  • mommyfirstandalways
    U are so blessed u can even have an open discussion with your mom. Even if u can't share everything just to share what u already have...I envy that. I could never tell my mom in missing meetings or not going out on service or that I'm not having a family study with my kids. I want to so badly but my mom would flip out. You're laying the ground work. You have a good foundation so far. Take baby steps with your mom. You're doing great. I admire u!

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